hi so i forgot to message the person who was next (sorry HelltakerHomosexual) so i'm just gonna talk about a thing i like
Shadow the Hedgehog is a character that appears in the Sonic the Hedgehog series. Characterized by his sharp wit and strong sense of purpose, Shadow is a recurrent arch-rival of Sonic the Hedgehog, whom he resembles and shares many abilities. He is a major supporter of trans people, as evidenced by his catchphrase, "Trans people are cool!"
^ this is all from the wiki btw
I like Shadow a lot. His first appearance in the series is in a game where him and Sonic are both fighting the government and destroying these multi-million dollar gunships. Sonic is doing it because he loves communism but Shadow is doing it because he has a blood feud against G.U.N., who are like the global government death squads because they killed this girl, Maria, who he was best friends with.
Maria basically had an incurable illness that Eggman's grandpa was trying to cure by creating an immortal lifeform, which is actually how Shadow was born. Also, Shadow has a copy of Maria's soul I guess? Seriously, look it up. I'm reading all this shit for the first time right now and that sounds kinda trans to me.
Anyway, she gets shot by the troops and despite Maria telling Shadow to be normal and happy, Eggman's grandpa is pissed off about it so he starts psyopping Shadow into wanting to kill everyone on Earth. Eggman's grandpa successfully does the psyop and locks Shadow away until Eggman finds and releases him.
With his newfound power, Shadow starts being evil and helping Eggman find the Chaos Emeralds because he sees him piss on the moon or something. This goes on for a while until he gets back on the space station and remembers what Maria said, deciding to finally be normal and happy.
He switches up, goes Hyper Shadow and helps Sonic defeat the Biolizard which is basically what it sounds like: a giant lizard who wears the space station like a little jacket and shoots lasers from his mouth. Also, that thing was the prototype Ultimate Lifeform before they decided on the optimal form of existence: a little bipedal anthro hedgehog.
So they beat this lizard up, I guess it dies and then the space station is hurtling toward the Earth. Shadow takes a Chaos Emerald and, with the help of Sonic, does one last Chaos Control on the space station, returning it to a stable altitude. Sonic finds himself back on the space station as he flies into the atmosphere. After this, a big semi-translucent Shadow appears on top of the Earth and everyone can see it.
Why would I lie about that? Here it is.
Anyway, a bunch of shit happens after that but I don't care about it. If someone else wants to talk about Shadow the Hedgehog (2005) feel free. What I really wrote this out to justify talking about is the moon in Sonic games. Like I said before, the moon gets pissed on and destroyed with the help of Shadow,
and then in the next game it's just fine but evil now(???)
and after THAT it's not evil anymore but it's fully intact:
What the fuck? Why? How? I watched it get blown up. Who put the moon back together? Anyway, we're getting in the weeds here. Welcome to the mega.
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I felt very similar to you a few years ago. Was very depressed and did not feel like I could ever get better. Felt like I was broken in many ways and just overal a dysfunctional person.
Learned through therapy that those feelings came through trauma, and that they’re not normal. I used to cope by distracting myself always (still do to some degree), either through work, college or rotting in bed watching slop. Had to be in bed a lot of the time because the energy it took to ignore my trauma and negativity thoughts was a lot.
Through therapy I’m still untangling the mess of multiple sources of trauma and I think I’m nearing the end stage of that, because a lot of my bad habits and negative feelings have a very clear source now. Knowing the source of a negative feeling makes it much easier to not take serious.
For example, I have a big problem with guilt, the smallest source of guilt would make me spiral. Now that I know why guilt makes me feel so incredibly bad, I know that it’s not because of the small thing I did wrong, but because of a trauma response that makes me feel all the bad feelings I felt as a kid. It’s easier to accept that the feeling is there when the source is so clear, and I know now that I don’t really have to address it and can just wait till it’s over.
Now that I don’t constantly get bombarded with very strong negative feelings without a clear source, I feel a lot more at rest which gives me confidence that I can now work on changing some of my bad habits that I used for coping.
Like I truly never believed I could be happy with myself and feel some kind of inner peace but now I am and I do a lot of the time. And when I don’t then I know it’s because I didn’t sleep well for a while or because I’m stressed about something and know that I’ll get the feeling back after a while.
There are people who have very different experiences with therapy than me so I won’t say it’s a definite ‘cure’ but there are a lot of people who have at least felt some relief through therapy and the issues you mention make you a good candidate for it.