I imagine it’s different for everyone but on a physical level, things can hurt in a pleasurable way, and also feeling something that feels good hits a lot harder after you’ve been feeling pain for awhile bc of the way human sensation is very relativistic
Psychologically, I think there’s something to putting your trust in someone to have that kind of power over you even though as anyone will tell you the sub is/should be the one driving the scene. Some people who’ve unfortunately experienced SA say it allows them to take control over that situation and learn to process it.
Some people who’ve unfortunately experienced SA say it allows them to take control over that situation and learn to process it.
I can't speak for everyone but this tracks with me. It like helps you learn to trust (im my case) men again at least within a controlled setting. Like you get to reclaim agency and practise having control of the situation again despite being tied up and slapped lmao. It's weird to explain 😖 i guess knowing you have total control to stop something when you say helps you reclaim agency that you thought you'd lost?
But like also people (lol me again on my shit) assume it's all leather and straps and masks and stuff that I'm personally really not into but like no it's just various forms of control and a dom/sub dynamic. Which had to be explained to me lmao.
I’d also point out that the sub is in a unique position of having no responsibility over the situation but also is the focal point of the pleasure. This might sound counterintuitive to people who don’t partake, but a proper dom is putting the sub’s pleasure as the first priority (doms who treat BDSM as an excuse to have selfish, rough sex without concern for the sub are considered a blight on the scene.)
It’s why there’s a trope of people in high power/high responsibility positions in their professional life are subs. They need to let someone else hold the reigns because for them, doing that just reminds them of work.
It's the other way around for my boyfriend. He's like "Please bite me, cut me, scratch me, bruise me, draw blood" and I'm like "calm down, you have a doctor appointment tomorrow."
Yes!! But he hates the ticklyness of anything in or near his ears so if I do bite them it's more a playful "give me attention" thing.
I have however found that doing that cringe uwu daddy slutty soft voice near his ear is like the sweet spot of i guess something adjacent to what you mean? Like some tickle from my breath bit not enough to just be tickling. But I also can't do that when trying to be dominant lmao.
I think I've found my cope though, i just channel my embarrassment into being dominant and it apparently comes across "like some weeb tsundere anime girl who's disgusted with her classmates trope" but I'd say he's the weeb for knowing what that trope is
Also fr I fucking knew this thread would get at the start but like
Yeah my past girlfriend was really into BDSM for reasons you allude to here. Sadly almost every girl I have been with have told me about past instances of SA/SH.
I imagine it’s different for everyone but on a physical level, things can hurt in a pleasurable way, and also feeling something that feels good hits a lot harder after you’ve been feeling pain for awhile bc of the way human sensation is very relativistic
Psychologically, I think there’s something to putting your trust in someone to have that kind of power over you even though as anyone will tell you the sub is/should be the one driving the scene. Some people who’ve unfortunately experienced SA say it allows them to take control over that situation and learn to process it.
Idk paraphilias are weird
I can't speak for everyone but this tracks with me. It like helps you learn to trust (im my case) men again at least within a controlled setting. Like you get to reclaim agency and practise having control of the situation again despite being tied up and slapped lmao. It's weird to explain 😖 i guess knowing you have total control to stop something when you say helps you reclaim agency that you thought you'd lost?
But like also people (lol me again on my shit) assume it's all leather and straps and masks and stuff that I'm personally really not into but like no it's just various forms of control and a dom/sub dynamic. Which had to be explained to me lmao.
I’d also point out that the sub is in a unique position of having no responsibility over the situation but also is the focal point of the pleasure. This might sound counterintuitive to people who don’t partake, but a proper dom is putting the sub’s pleasure as the first priority (doms who treat BDSM as an excuse to have selfish, rough sex without concern for the sub are considered a blight on the scene.)
It’s why there’s a trope of people in high power/high responsibility positions in their professional life are subs. They need to let someone else hold the reigns because for them, doing that just reminds them of work.
The dom's first priority should be the subs safety. I've kb'd a dom for missing this.
Point, usually those two are synonymous but a Dom should be aware of a sub’s limits and sometimes that means putting potential pleasure second.
Should being the key word, i think some doms get a bit carried away cos like it's horny lmao and their judgement becomes... impaired I guess lol.
It's the other way around for my boyfriend. He's like "Please bite me, cut me, scratch me, bruise me, draw blood" and I'm like "calm down, you have a doctor appointment tomorrow."
What are they like?!
Mine loves me to be dominant but I'm just not a natural dom lmao. I'm so bad at it cos I get so embarrassed
I absolutely hate it aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa but we do our best 💅
Have you tried grabbing their hands and doing the "why are you hitting yourself" routine? Now you both feel silly.
Lmao I did that and it "killed the mood"
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Yes!! But he hates the ticklyness of anything in or near his ears so if I do bite them it's more a playful "give me attention" thing.
I have however
found that doing that cringe uwu daddy slutty soft voice near his ear is like the sweet spot of i guess something adjacent to what you mean? Like some tickle from my breath bit not enough to just be tickling. But I also can't do that when trying to be dominant lmao.
I think I've found my cope though, i just channel my embarrassment into being dominant and it apparently comes across "like some weeb tsundere anime girl who's disgusted with her classmates trope" but I'd say he's the weeb for knowing what that trope is
Also fr I fucking knew this thread would get
at the start but like 
It's always absolutely hilarious watching someone inclined towards subbing trying to dom. Like watching a puppy trying to intimidate a big calm dog.
Noooooo stttoooppppp I knew it would be!!!
Erghhhhhhhhhhh. There's been so many times I've just missed and said something just mean because I don't know how and it's like oh sorry
Or that time i slapped waaaaay too hard 💀 I'd never done it before!!!!
This has been said irl yes
Did he answer "And?"
It was definitely some form of "I don't care, do it anyway"
Can't be a dom if you can't control yourself
aside, but does kb stand for kaibosh here? Or what
"Knock back" like to reject something/someone lmao sorry!
Lol, for a second I was thinking "kabedon" just really turning the tables on em
Lmao I had to Google that 💀 i just call that "the hot thing anime doms do"
Fr that would have being so much better, I just blocked them lmao
Knowledge base was my first thought >.<
If that means knowing how to make sure I'm safe then
that’s true too. My current partner is mostly vanilla but she likes being tied up/doing shibari stuff sometimes for basically that kinda thing
Yeah my past girlfriend was really into BDSM for reasons you allude to here. Sadly almost every girl I have been with have told me about past instances of SA/SH.
My ex was super into bdsm and adventurous sex and never had any experience with SA but I’ve had friends that were in that situation