I don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm in my mid/late 20s and don't know how to function in the world. It took me forever to graduate from college with a degree in computer science, not cause I wasn't capable but because I wanted to do comedy. I've gotten interviews with big tech and grad school offers but I'm funny. I've had pro comedians tell me I'm special and can be something. So I took the broke road and actually was starting to join an improv troupe and learning more sets while doing side jobs in entertainment to supplement my income.
But then the pandemic happened and I don't know what to do. I can't work in entertainment atm cause COVID and my mom's at risk. My mother and I are unemployed. I've been cripplingly depressed. I feel like I should go back into comp sci because I'm leaving 100k+ on the table. Money doesn't mean anything to me personally, but I know I have to eat. My mom is older and having troubles finding things. I've done side jobs to supplement our income but I know it's not sustainable.
I want to be happy in life. There was nothing that made me happier than being on stage. Making people smile while saying thoughtful things left me so fulfilled. I've done videos on social media but you need a viewer base. I've considered doing informational comedy videos around politics cause there is no true leftist comedian out there (esp black ones), but I've been so depressed and anxious and I'm so new to leftism, I've been convincing myself out of it. Maybe I should just push that time into the fucking coding interview book I've grown to hate. Maybe my happiness is selfish because I can support my family so much by selling my soul for big tech.
I'm fighting depression, struggles with the pandemic, money, ADHD, myself, I hate everything and feel I'm too old to not know what I'm doing. I don't want to be selfish but I really REALLY feel if I work on things, I can be a comedian. But I also can't create if I hate myself, which I currently do for being my age, being dependent with an amazing degree and not doing as much as I thought I would at this age.
Should I just go back to tech? Is comedy too naive, esp in these times? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? IDK chapos, I'm just big sad atm.
Edit: Awwww geee, I was already crying before I wrote this, now I started crying again from all the kind replies. I appreciate this community so much. Thank you all for your kind words, encouragement and advice. I already wrote some small things in response to the encouragement. I love you all and ANYTHING I create, the first place I'll share it is with my comrades here at Chapo. Thanks for giving this anxious depressed fuck more encouragement to keep fighting on. :rat-salute: :deng-cowboy: :fidel-salute: :chavez-salute: :sankara-salute: :maduro-salute:
Have you considered going into tech and doing comedy on the side until it gets big enough to get further? It’d also give you office drone type material for your bits.
Start doing those videos too. Don’t be afraid to shamelessly promote yourself here. Get a TikTok.
Being funny is 100% more important than having the right take 100% of the time.
We need more charismatic, leftist folks in tech and comedy. You could do both at once. I’m genuinely excited for you.
The drone material would be lovely. I'm doing some website building on the side but I just wonder if I'm doing enough constantly.
I know that spot in leftist media is super needed though. Everyone takes themselves so seriously, which is lovely, but comedy is an amazing path for sharing information. John Oliver radicalized so many libs, imagine if there was an actual radical doing the jokes instead? Any information I'm murky about, I'll share here before making a vid. This is such an amazing community, with the help I've received today, I know comrades will have my back. ❤️
this wasn't very funny
seriously though, covid times are special times and I worry about people saying how their life is going but they're basing it off the exceptionality of right now.
Yes, you should try to get a job in software development. The sustenance and healthcare you'll get will help stabilIze you. Once stabilized, you can take stock and see where you can go from there.
Sounds like you’re a really talented person, please try not to be hard on yourself.
The way I feel is that nobody at any age is self sufficient and independent. Tbh the narrative that says everyone should aim to be that way is detrimental to us and unachievable. We rely on others and others rely on us, it’s the way we are meant to be.
I really hope you manage to do comedy like you want, it’s what you deserve. This world can be difficult, but remember that is not your failing
This made me cry the most. Thank you comrade. It's hard not be hard on myself but I'll keep trying to love me. It's the only way I can get through this pain I keep causing myself. Thanks for reminding me age is a bullshit thing to focus on too. As long as I'm alive, there's always time. I have to remind myself. ❤️
I know people with CS backgrounds that are able to support themselves through consulting/remote work/selling their own work. Maybe you can find a way to get enough income through a side hustle to support yourself while pursuing comedy?
I want to see some of these videos as well. Is there a way for you to do both? Can you interview for jobs while also making these videos? Then, if and when the pandemic ends, you can switch back entirely to comedy?
I probably can, the thought just depresses me so much and I know tech friends that do but don't have a lot of time for themselves. But maybe I need to suck it up. IDK.
No, you don’t need to suck it up. Working for the man generally sucks. Even as a successful comedian, you will still be stolen from and you will still be under all kinds of pressure in our sick society. (For instance I suspect that few comedians are outright socialists because the kinds of people who go to comedy shows don’t want to hear it.) If all jobs suck, you might as well work a job that earns you some money, if you can.
But if this is truly an unbearable thought—if every direction you turn in seems to suck—it might be clinical depression doing this to you. Have you felt like shit all day every day for more than two weeks?
I've been diagnosed and been having some issues this summer w/ lockdown and black deaths all over, so know it's depression talking in my head the loudest. I used to have a therapist but lost it with the age limit and my mom being unemployed. The county has services for uninsured peeps but I don't mesh as well with my new therapist. I have to lean harder on exercise and meditation since I can't get the therapy I need. But my support system has helped me a ton from getting back to my lowest point.
Thank you so much. I think my username already sorta doxes me, but my vids will too so I don't know how to make that work. I'll just careful not to like or engage in anything too riske' so I don't get caught up in some bullshit.
Look realistically if you’re doing comedy with your face out there, your identity is public knowledge. For you, ‘doxxing’ will mean ‘letting people know where you live (or possibly work)’.
I have two jobs. Not because I need to but because I want to. One makes money, the other is a creative outlet. I would suggest you try to marry compsci day job with stand up. You can always quit the day job. Comedy is an art, don’t let capitalism kill your art bc some politicians didn’t want line to go down
Just a reminder: participating in social work will enrich your understanding of society, which is meaningful for your leftist comedy
Another reminder:after you settle down, post your leftist comedy here, there will be 10,000 libs to cheer for you
Hey comrade, Life can be real shit, and picking up some CS work to pay the bills might be a necessity.
That doesn't, however, mean that you should stop doing comedy. It sounds like it's what you really enjoy, and you should keep doing it - if only to keep yourself sane. Don't stop writing, and keep working on material, especially if you end up in a soul-sucking office.
Getting a tiktok/yt/twitter is a good idea for self promotion. It'll also give you an outlet for your stuff, and hopefully help you keep yourself sane. Depression isn't the same for everyone, but I know that when I'm working on something I care about it helps to take my mind off of it.
Now, this wouldn't be a comment from me without the (I'll admit it, boring and tedious) mention of opsec.
spoiler
___When you create accounts to share comedy, do it with a new email address. Do your best to not link your comedy with your other online personas. Your comedy acct will likely have your real name; this can be dangerous, especially when sharing somewhere that chuds are known to look for people. Lock down all accounts created with your real name before you create your comedy accounts, and make sure your password management system is secure.
No matter what happens, remember that we all care about you here! I know I'd love to see what you come up with, and from reading the comments I know many other chapos feel the same. I wish you the best of luck comrade!
If you can find a job with insurance that covers mental health care it could give you a more solid base to pursue comedy in the future
There will always be more programmers out there, but making an entire room feel something at the same time is a real talent. Is it possible to split the difference, do a little of both? I know survival comes first, and you gotta do what you gotta do, but I for one would be very sad if you never took that leap into creativity. Remember, of all the harsh critical voices in the world, the ones that boom the loudest and cut the deepest are our own. Ignore it, push forward, give yourself permission to make art you think is bad and you'll often surprise yourself.
Also, for the tootsie pop question: I counted once as a kid, it took me 246 licks.
I counted once as a kid, it took me 246 licks.
Finally, someone answering the real question here.