with coronavirus going wild right now it seems pretty risky to get a job just for face time

also read the book, we'll talk about it with you

Are there mutual aid/other leftist orgs you could try to put in work with? Idk how good some shit job would be for relieving feelings of depression and alienation long-term, unless you also need the income. Plus if you're living with family, thinking about what you're willing to risk covid exposure for is a consideration too.

It wasn't super active, but there a few of us who participated in TransComrade69's book reading thingy. Maybe ask if the mods of /books could pin a post about a book you'd like to read and discuss, work out the details and what not.

It might be risky but if you feel the need to get out of the house and do some different type of work... if there are any close by "shit job" employers you might apply there specifically as a part time employee. Like a few shifts a week. Low stakes stocking shelves or working a register or mopping a floor or something. If it blows to hard, you can bail. Still might be able to do the coding/design work but have a few days a week where you get to completely shift your brain into a different gear.

First of all, normal people don't excessively judge others for their job. We're all trying to put food on the table. My grandmother coded "apps" (on 1970s IBM mainframes) because her husband was an abusive alcoholic who couldn't hold a job and she needed money to feed her children. She taught herself to code. Would you have told her she is a cringey tech bro and should go do philosophy? Of course not. So no, people will not thing you're a loser if you tell them you work in tech, or that you make apps, or whatever. In fact, plenty of people will be impressed by it. Likewise, if you go find a job at the local grocery store or something people ought to respect that you're doing what works for you, and if they don't, fuck them. If some cringe lord "Leftist" tells you not to get a good job because you shouldn't participate in capitalism, well fuck them too.

Since you're posting here, and you say you don't want to "make some asshole money", I would assume you're against capitalism. Have you considered that your desire to do projects might be an internalization of capitalist/protestant work ethic? The idea that a single person can sit alone in their workshop and create some great successful thing through shear intellect and effort is kind of fake. It's especially fake when talking about technology, most of the classic "tech people" you hear about, from Zuckerberg to Stallman and Torvalds, achieved something because they had a community they could build up around their project, not because they were Ubermensch individualist inventors. If your projects aren't making you money, aren't benefiting humanity, and aren't making you happy, what are they for?

You said "it feels impossible to even want to do anything". You hope that if you give yourself enough free time (precious evenings) you will be able to really get to work, and create that successful project you want. My only medical experience is reading Freud (jk), but I can relate to your experience. I had those kind of thoughts a lot when I was suffering from undiagnosed depression and ADD. So, some advice I would give is to try seeing a therapist or counselor. If you have health insurance, you can do this by making an appointment with your regular doctor and explaining to them that you have been feeling depressed. They will give you a referral, but you can probably go see any therapist you find at the point.

Also WTF is with the other commenters' advice here. Not impressed, guys.

Sounds like you should get some friends? As others have said, covid motherfucker, the less time you can spend in public spaces, the better

did you ever pick up that book by euclid??

you should get therapy if you can. Sound a bit depressed.

Being poor and still feeling lonely sucks worse. Can you go to part-time or casual for a bit? Just unwind and unhook from the fulltime lifestyle? Maybe you just need a good long sabbatical-type thing or a multi-month vacation (even if there's no where you can go).

Sounds like you might be experiencing some depression, too. I ain't a doctor but the way you're talking about stuff you like, the way you're talking about your friends and family, how you feel lonely and unmotivated reminds me of my partner before they got hardcore depressed. Nothing bad has to happen to trigger depression, it can just happen. You should probably talk to a professional about these feelings, might be serious.

Have you considered class suicide?

Go be a bartender or do gig work on a bike or go volunteer at something