take a step back each time you notice this. learning to notice this is always the first step. then you can start intentionally correcting yourself by working out what this looks like if you set that feeling aside.
it's the same process you use to correct any belief and the same process that you use to change someone's pronouns or name.
yea being mad or blaming yourself will make other shit worse. this isn't about your worth as a human being, just making the world kinder for a bunch of people who really need it.
Correct yourself every time it happens and if you need to, ask questions or respectfully engage in a discussion to help sort out what you're thinking and feeling. It's an iterative process and you're basically aiming to rewire your brain to no longer knee jerk or consider trans people to be an "other"
To kind of piggy back off of this, I've had to deal with my own internal CIS male biases and I have found a secret over the last half decade or so: it's ok to not engage. Read what other people are saying, try to understand, and just sit on it and relax. Process at your own pace.
My parents or lack thereof did a number on me, as did my history of being sexually abused at a very young age. I built lots of walls. I knew logically I was wrong as I aged but feelings and thoughts don't always line up. When I was younger I thought I had to comment on everything and naturally be right about everything. Then as I got older I became annoyingly inquisitive because I wanted to right my personal wrongs and have all the right hottakes. The result is I was a bad intentioned asshole who turned into a good intentioned asshole.
Still an asshole.
For me the truth is, I don't have to engage. I don't have to understand everything. I try to internalize my empathy and focus on why things are feeling uncomfortable. Ask questions when and where necessary, I suppose. But shit - even just reading the threads on the non-binary topics here, all passively - never reacting or posting, has taught me a ton.
I don't expect the train to stop because I need training wheels. I don't have to know everything right then and there.
deleted by creator
take a step back each time you notice this. learning to notice this is always the first step. then you can start intentionally correcting yourself by working out what this looks like if you set that feeling aside.
it's the same process you use to correct any belief and the same process that you use to change someone's pronouns or name.
deleted by creator
deleted by creator
it really does work too. You don't need to be mad at yourself, just gently correct yourself when you catch it.
once i started being gentle/mindful about correcting mistakes like that, i found it got a lot easier.
yea being mad or blaming yourself will make other shit worse. this isn't about your worth as a human being, just making the world kinder for a bunch of people who really need it.
Correct yourself every time it happens and if you need to, ask questions or respectfully engage in a discussion to help sort out what you're thinking and feeling. It's an iterative process and you're basically aiming to rewire your brain to no longer knee jerk or consider trans people to be an "other"
if you ask questions, please try to direct your questions to cis allies. it's exhausting to the trans people who have to deal with this regularly.
To kind of piggy back off of this, I've had to deal with my own internal CIS male biases and I have found a secret over the last half decade or so: it's ok to not engage. Read what other people are saying, try to understand, and just sit on it and relax. Process at your own pace.
My parents or lack thereof did a number on me, as did my history of being sexually abused at a very young age. I built lots of walls. I knew logically I was wrong as I aged but feelings and thoughts don't always line up. When I was younger I thought I had to comment on everything and naturally be right about everything. Then as I got older I became annoyingly inquisitive because I wanted to right my personal wrongs and have all the right hottakes. The result is I was a bad intentioned asshole who turned into a good intentioned asshole.
Still an asshole.
For me the truth is, I don't have to engage. I don't have to understand everything. I try to internalize my empathy and focus on why things are feeling uncomfortable. Ask questions when and where necessary, I suppose. But shit - even just reading the threads on the non-binary topics here, all passively - never reacting or posting, has taught me a ton.
I don't expect the train to stop because I need training wheels. I don't have to know everything right then and there.
this is extremely true and a very good take. thank you for saying this.
No problem. Once in a great while I have some decent insight. It's part of the joys of getting older.
amen
deleted by creator
deleted by creator