beyond that, its not materially the same because the monetization means the grifter is materially gaining from the interaction.

theyre exploiting the other persons suffering as a means of generating profit.

like how a mutual aid program is materially distinct from a tax haven charity that a billionaire sets up to ostensibly help the same people.

one helps, the other siphons funds

I agree with this. I think it's evidence of general bad character, I think the reason it's frowned upon is because it's a signal that you don't really care, and I wouldn't do it myself. But also, that doesn't make it an immoral action in and of itself unless it actually hurts someone, I feel.