i keep playing games im really bad at, which i like watching from time to time but only make me feel like a dumbass cos i lose costantly (mainly chess).
after that, i tell myself im good for nothing, and i go back into a depressive/anxious spiral that can last half a day if i dont manage to calm myself down, but even after that i try to try again the day after, which one might think is the good and honest thing to do, right? like trying again to try to improve? but then i lose another couple of games/do badly at the videogamez and it restarts all over again and i cry on myself again. i know it might sound like im exaggerating but i think it's some sort of self harm.
and im starting to doubt if im good at anything, cos i really am not. like the only thing i've been more than ok at for the past two years or so is my high school math, which, tbh, is going great, im helping out basically all my friends pass, but even slightly outside of that i am complete trash at stuff, like not even worth trying.
I think for a lot of us who were good at maths or some other subject at high school, we forget that we spent many years of hard work in order to get to that point. The reason we forget is that for school, we're forced to do these things and then when we do well (and sometimes, even when we don't do well), we get rewarded with a certificate or high grades. I think one of the consequences of all that is that we forget that the math skills we've developed is still a result of all our hard work, and more importantly, it is an important part of us (whether or not you actually like maths); we sort of externalise it all, so to speak.
And so when we start something new, we sort of assume that we'd be just as good as the new thing as we would be at maths. But you can think of it like this, imagine having to do a high school maths exam when you were still in early grade school. You'd fail it pretty badly, right? That's how a lot of us approach new things (like chess).
Idk man i always thought i was a natural with a passion for math and physics, not really product of hard work like some people in my class.
I don't believe that talent is a myth, but a lot of the variation in ability for beginners, particularly in school performance, comes from previous experiences that helped you without you knowing it. Playing a bunch of video games with realistic movement will give you a good sense of newtonian physics. Reading virtually anything gives people better reading comprehension and analysis. When you reach the upper levels of any kind of field, such as graduate level or even undergraduate studies, you'll likely see a flattening out of ability. Nothing really prepares you for k-space, Fourier transforms, or Hegelian dialectics. There will still be a fair amount of variability, but the primary driver of performance will likely be effort, at that point. You always hear about exceptions, but I think it's just people blustering most of the time.
Really, just don't hyperfixate on your performance for things, except for when it materially matters. For school, jobs, etc., we have no choice, but for everything else go easy on yourself. They certainly won't.
You probably do have some natural ability with those topics (I think I do too). At least for me, it allowed me to understand those topics at a faster rate than a lot of people my age. And if you have a passion for those topics, that's great (unfortunately, I never did). Either way though, we both spent years at school learning/studying those topics, and probably even hours outside of school, and I don't think we should diminish the work we did on that front (even if it did not feel particularly difficult to get to that point). It's not an either/or situation.