The photo is a 1974 photo of Leslie Feinberg, from the FBI file on hir. I've written a piece on my interpretation of Transgender Warriors and Trans Liberation, but I don't think it's quite polished enough, so I'll post it later. Instead, I'll go over hir FBI file: https://s3.amazonaws.com/NARAprodstorage/lz/dc-metro/rg-065/6282555/Batch0010/6282555_100-HQ-480756.PDF.
The FBI thought Feinberg could be violating the Communist Control Act, advocating the overthrow of the government, and engaging in rebellion. Needless to say, a hero to all of us. Feinberg was a member of the Workers World Party (the party still exists, but more notably PSL split from it), which apparently wasn't openly advocating for the overthrow of the U.S, they just think it's inevitable.
My favorite line? "captioned subject is believed to be a white female, who became male through some kind of sex change operation, and is possibly homosexual". Some interesting language choice, and it's an interesting snapshot into the evolution of Leslie's identity.
The FBI found Leslie's place of birth and birthdate from public school records. It's a bit of an interesting look into all of the many places the FBI can get their information, along with how information like that was so much more patchwork before the digital age.
"Interview of subject is not being recommended because of the questionable nature of his sexuality". Hmm, interesting.
It's interesting how their investigation spanned multiple cities, from Kansas City to NYC to Bufffalo to Boston. It probably involved quite a few officers, though I'm sure it wasn't the main focus for all of them.
There's some interesting mention about changes in Leslie's gender identity. Born a girl, for a time wearing a beard and mustache, then going back to "she". I'm sure we all know, Feinberg's gender didn't stop evolving there.
"Subject reportedly contributes all extra money to WWP", Leslie definitely was dedicated to the cause. Leslie doesn't attend NYC WWP meetings, but the FBI doesn't mention why.
The FBI isn't immune to typoes, Leslie did some "criminal terspass" that garnered some attention.They wasted some time checking if Leslie was in Boston, but verified where Leslie in NYC lived by pretending to be a part of the Voter Registration Commission.
There's a whole 43 pages of documents, all just from 1974-75. There's plenty of interesting tidbits in there, so maybe check it out.
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So, the dust has finally settled for me, and balance has returned to my life. My gender identity is no longer the focus of all my energy and conscious thought, as it was for months.
This is good for me because I'm focused on other fulfilling aspects of my life. Hyper focusing on gender was really toxic for me because there was really nothing I could DO to make transition happen any faster. So (like many people here), I'd just be in my head all day thinking "I wanna be x so bad. Am I really x? I wanna be x so bad. but actually I'm y. But I wanna be x so bad." This kind of forced me to focus on my body and never be happy whatever I did with it.
Now that I'm chill, I see that gender identity was never really important to me. I don't get hung up on things like pronouns either. To me, my gender expression is important. How I present myself is more important than what I am on the inside because "what I am" is kind of an abstract concept that isn't helpful for my life.
It's kind of give and take. I've broken the dysphoria cycle, but also there's less excitement because I dropped this idea that I would be completely changing myself. So now, presenting femme is still great, but when I look in the mirror, I don't say "wow, this is who I really am!". It's more like, "I really like this, but damn it was a lot of work!" So, since presenting femme isn't, like, critical to my sense of self, I end up doing it a lot less. So that kind of sucks. Once my facial hair is gone, that will lift a large barrier of entry to presenting femme, tho, so I hope I do it more often.
Anyway, folks, I'm thriving now
I hope I can carve out more time to express my gender going forward. I know it's good for me.
I'm glad you broke through! Sounds like you're in a good place.
Well, I feel like you and I are in the same rhythm, so in a month, you should feel the same way
Is your therapist still being shit, btw?
Yea, sadly. Last session actually kinda hurt. He has some bad thoughts (in general) and kept misgendering me. Thank you for asking.
That’s great! I happy things are happening for you
He sounds like an ass. I think having a bad therapist is probably worse than not having one at all.
Do you pay through insurance or something? Are there really no other options?
I'm still dependent, and (despite bad politics) he seemed pretty good up until the trans/autism stuff. Because of the dependency stuff it'd be hard to switch without coming out (because I'd want one who specializes in trans stuff, obviously). I'm not ready to come out yet and even when I do it'll probably be a wait anyway so
it is what it is. Just unfortunate with those being the two biggest things in my life right now.
Should be fun going forward now that it isn't eating at you constantly c:
Yeeeees. My self acceptance training arc is complete
Glad you've finally accepted yourself <3
Yay! Gotta love that feeling when I’m like “wait that thing I’ve been obsessing about for a while now is actually really silly and I don’t have to do that.” And then the OCD latches onto something new and the cycle continues.
Yup! I'm latched onto something healthier now tho
Oh I latch on to my “health” all the time.
I guess my obsession with living up to my values and perfecting myself is less bad than something egodystonic?
I’d rather compulsively correct myself whenever I’m slightly inaccurate than constantly worry about how my thoughts affect the future.
Yeah, I had really bad health anxiety for years. In fact, it's after I beat that when the fixation on gender started.
Anything can be toxic when you do it too much, but yes! I think that's a great thing to fixate on generally
It’s not too toxic, but it does stress me out when I don’t have the motivation to make everything honest and interesting.