(i ripped this off wikipedia real fast so sorry if it's lib)
In October 1776, the Public Universal Friend contracted an epidemic disease and was bedridden and near death with a high fever. Their family summoned a doctor from Attleboro, six miles away, and neighbors kept up a death-watch at night. The fever broke after several days. The Friend later reported that [deadname redacted] had died, receiving revelations from God through two archangels who proclaimed there was "Room, Room, Room, in the many Mansions of eternal glory for Thee and for everyone". The Friend further said that [deadname redacted]'s soul had ascended to heaven and the body had been reanimated with a new spirit charged by God with preaching his word, that of the "Publick Universal Friend", describing that name in the words of Isaiah 62:2 as "a new name which the mouth of the Lord hath named".
From that time on, the Friend refused to answer to their deadname, ignoring or chastising those who insisted on using it. When visitors asked if it was the name of the person they were addressing, the Friend simply quoted Luke 23:3 ("thou sayest it"). Identifying as neither male nor female, the Friend asked not to be referred to with gendered pronouns. Followers respected these wishes; they referred only to "the Public Universal Friend" or short forms such as "the Friend" or "P.U.F.", and many avoided gender-specific pronouns even in private diaries. When someone asked if the Friend was male or female, the preacher replied "I am that I am", saying the same thing to a man who criticized the Friend's manner of dress (adding, in the latter case, "there is nothing indecent or improper in my dress or appearance; I am not accountable to mortals").
editorial note: I think this is a very cool story and I really love hearing it. We've been around forever and we've been doing variations of this forever. It's really beautiful
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cw: dysphoria, vent
It feels wrong calling myself a woman when my voice and body are the way they are, like, it feels like I don't deserve to call myself that when I haven't really done anything
I know this is all just 
and I don't owe anyone anything to be able to call myself a woman, but it still crosses my mind frequently and it bothers me a lot. Hopefully I can get out of this living situation and get to a point to where I feel comfortable transitioning, but it's really looking like I'm going to be locked into this for another couple of years at least. 
I get you, the idea of asking for people to refer to me with a different name or pronouns while they still perceived me as male made/makes me uncomfortable.
The problem is a lot of people who knew you before are just going to perceive you that way no matter how much of a girl you look.
Can't wait to never see those people again.
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Sounds like you know what's wrong and you're experiencing gender dysphoria. As for feeling "unworthy" to call yourself a woman - if you had a friend who came out as trans but she still had a manly figure and voice cause she only just cracked her egg, would you hesitate accepting her as a woman? If you wouldn't do that to a friend, don't do it to yourself. 💖
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That's a good point, I just have a problem with being a little to harsh to myself sometimes.
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That's okay, negative self talk and self love are pretty typical problems for a lot of trans women~
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I think you just described the most textbook definition of gender dysphoria. So... While it may not fix the issue, at least know you're in good company ❤️
I've recently realized the only time I doubt my transness is when I look in the mirror, so I had to change the way I look at it. Doing a lil voice training can go a long way too~
Hope you can turn it around
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Incredibly relatable, I hope you're able to do little stuff at least. Helps me. :meow-hug:
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