I wanna cry, still years away from getting to somewhere I could transition, and I have no solid plans, waiting for things to get more stable before I even really plan too far.

it hurts knowing I'm gonna be cutting off family, interacting with them is, difficult now too, there's a feeling in the back of my head telling me how disgusting they'd think I am and how they'd reject me if they knew, and it's very hard to ignore and to just interact normally, the "love" and care they give me feels hollow and just not real, knowing that it's conditional on me pretending to be cis and hetero and fitting what they think I should be