Hang out. Chat. Talk about what's going on. Have fun :3

  • SnowySkyes
    hexagon
    M
    ·
    8 months ago

    I recently made a friend that I’m getting to know. He’s a very nice guy, but is very clear that his life is being steered solely by toxic masculinity. I genuinely feel bad for him because it seems it’s making his life feel empty regardless of the sheer success he’s enjoyed in life so far. Fortunately it doesn’t seem like he has been scooped up by the likes of Shapiro and the like, so maybe I can help steer him somewhat.

    It also made me realize that a lot of my time spent before my egg cracked was influenced by the toxic masculinity that I grew up with. I didn’t realize how much of it adversely affected me all this time and how much I still unconsciously espouse into daily thought. Fortunately most of it is shed now aside from a few things. Hopefully the rest will leave soon.

    • lapis [fae/faer, comrade/them]
      ·
      8 months ago

      It also made me realize that a lot of my time spent before my egg cracked was influenced by the toxic masculinity that I grew up with.

      this is so interesting, and something I've experienced as well, as an enby who very likely is on the autism spectrum. since the only way I knew to perform manhood was to emulate the men around me, and so many of them were toxically masculine and misogynistic, I would act toxically masculine and misogynistic in an effort to fit in as one of them. I'd actually say that unlearning the fake masculinity is part of what helped me come to terms with being cisn't, come to think of it.

      • SnowySkyes
        hexagon
        M
        ·
        8 months ago

        Starting to shed that masculinity is what helped me along with actually exploring my gender. It became heavily internalized and made it very difficult to shed. Once the pieces started falling is when I slowly started to realize I was trans.

        But gods did my upbringing really fuck me up. I still have really bad thoughts that were kinda ingrained into my brain from my upbringing that I struggle to remove to this day. I shan’t repeat them here obviously, but I am very ashamed that they still exist.

        • lapis [fae/faer, comrade/them]
          ·
          edit-2
          8 months ago

          Once the pieces started falling is when I slowly started to realize I was trans.

          this is such a mood. what's funny is I thought I was bisexual and just weird about being a man for awhile, then I read the Gender Dysphoria Bible to try to understand my trans nephew better, and ended up muttering "oh, fuck me" about once or twice a paragraph as the realization that this shit applied to me was slowly dawning on me, and now I'm a non-binary transbian who's realized fae's not really interested in men at all.

          But gods did my upbringing really fuck me up. I still have really bad thoughts that were kinda ingrained into my brain from my upbringing that I struggle to remove to this day. I shan’t repeat them here obviously, but I am very ashamed that they still exist.

          if it makes you feel any better, you're absolutely not alone in this – it's not uncommon for me to have a profoundly incorrect dogma-addled negative internal reaction to something that's actually totally fine, or even good, and then have to put in effort to redirect my brain to not be a total asshole. it's a process, and I fucking hate it, but it's a process I'm glad to have undertaken rather than staying in the quagmire into which I was born and in which I could easily still be without kind people loving me and giving me space to figure out who I actually am.

          • SnowySkyes
            hexagon
            M
            ·
            8 months ago

            Hey, I'm just glad we all realized who we are at some point in our lives. It's a moment that none of us will ever forget I'm sure. I remember it mine happened in the middle of a convention in a crowd of like...a lot of people. I'm shocked I didn't get stared at.

            It does make me feel better as I just feel like a complete and utter fuck that I have these thoughts cross my consciousness at all. I talk them over with my girlfriend from time to time to help just kinda get it out there so I can confront it directly and properly. It's not easy and it is not a comfortable thing. But you know what? We are fighting them and that's what's important. Even if it's pretty hard to dislodge them from our brains.