Have any queer vibes to share? Here's your place! :hexbear-pride:
Talk about what’s happening queerly in your life - like coming out, getting HRT, questioning, and all that good stuff.
:no-copyright: No cishets allowed :blob-no:
Been questioning my bisexuality. All men on dating apps know is hold fish and drive car.
Don’t know if I’m a lesbian though since I feel like I’ve liked men in the past.
im not feeling smart enough to say this intellectually and inoffensively but i feel like men are not expected to and often forget to perform the like, Sexually/Romantically desirable traits of masculinity, whereas feminity has such a focus on Appeal to the Other.
If it makes you feel better, men on gay apps are the same. Just add "discrete" and "cd only" and you've hit 99% of em.
I'm finally passing on the phone more, haven't been misgendered in a few months.
Got sir'd and then senorita'd in the following sentence :hexbear-non-binary:
Last week I wore the only girlmode clothes I own (pleated skirt and thigh highs, what else) in front of my therapist. I honestly wasn't super nervous to do it, but it's the first time I've ever worn anything like that seriously in front of anyone else (there were a few non-serious times pre-questioning as part of costumes and just messing around, although the way I felt those times laid some breadcrumbs for later). My therapist recommended that I try to go to some queer spaces IRL and see how that feels, but I feel like I'd be intruding because I don't really know what this all means and I'm already awkward as hell and blegh.
Gender identity, gender expression, I don't really know what to make of it, and I'm also scared to explore it further because I don't know what I'll find. I wouldn't say I have gender dysphoria about being AMAB, but when I get mis(?)gendered it feels good, and I know that's not a typical cis experience. But what does that even mean? I feel more comfortable with women than men, but that's something that can be perfectly true of cis men.
Maybe it's more a rejection of gender expectations which I hate (emotional distance, aggression, sexual insatiability, domination) than actual identification with another gender? I remember when I realized early in my adolescence that women see men as threats (rightfully so), and I felt this strong self-revulsion and sort of helplessness, and I kind of distanced myself from women after that because I was afraid of making anyone uncomfortable (that's a general neurosis I struggle with, fear of being a burden).
Wish I had more coherent thoughts about this, but even though it's something I've been wondering about to some degree for...probably 7 years or so, I've been afraid to engage with it too deeply so I never developed a clear conception of how I feel. If anyone has any good resources (books, videos, podcasts, ARGs, cave paintings) that might help guide my self-interrogation I'd really appreciate it.
I just wanted to say that your thoughts here read like something I would have written a few years ago. I would have said something about how I wasn't really dysphoric because I didn't have any specific issues with my body or anything like that, and I didn't necessarily hate being called a man. The truth is, though, I was massively dysphoric, but I didn't realize it because nobody had ever told me that what I felt wasn't normal. Also, I was terrified about being open about me feelings, to the point that I repressed everything and didn't even have an awareness of my own emotions a lot of the time.
For me, dysphoria was mostly a sense of detachment from my body, like I was watching myself live someone else's life, or that I was playing a video game where my little RPG guy ran around in 3rd person. Also, I was very depressed and felt generally uneasy all the time. I don't know if those feelings were directly dysphoria, or more of a higher order effect of dysphoria, but what I do know is that when I started HRT they all went away. Now, I feel better doing dishes on an average Monday morning than I did at maybe any single point between the ages of like 12 and 23.
So basically I would suggest that you shouldn't worry so much about gender expression, gender identity (which, if you ask me, is a primary sex characteristic related to how your brain processes hormones), or what you want to be called. Instead, think about if you're happy right now, if your life is going well, and how you would feel about a future where you continue to be a man with an increasingly masculine body, forever.
I kind of distanced myself from women after that because I was afraid of making anyone uncomfortable
This is super common among transfeminine people. I'm not sure there's any way out of feeling like this sometimes, except if you reach the point where people don't perceive you as male anymore.
I wish I had better recommendations for stuff for you to check out. I read a lot of books, and I'm always on the lookout for good trans lit. It's rough though, what does exist for adults tends to be depressing as hell, very millennial, and full of silly tropes (why does every trans author feel the need to debunk autogynephilia, nobody cares.). Maybe some other comrades have better recommendations.
If you haven't, you should definitely read Whipping Girl by Julia Serano. It's been the go to for like 15 years now. Unfortunately, it focuses more on politics and feminism than about like dysphoria or personal exploration. Still has lots of good insight either way. Of couy there's a lot of pretty good trans YouTubers now. Even the really lib ones usut have some good gender insight.
Oof kind of late today because I didn't actually have to wake up early lol
It's the weekend! I'm excited to play Splatoon with my gf
Good vibes;
Something interesting thats happening to me recently is occasionally I'll get gendered by strangers as a girl - which isnt really correct either as an nb person but it feels good that sometimes people see me as not-a-man
Sort of funny because the majority of the time this has happened I've been in full-on boymoder / dude-drag clothing and didnt really put effort into my appearance that day. I guess small changes really add up and that estrogen be hittin'.
Idk its just cool when you roll out of a bar at 2AM and then the hot dog man calls you miss I guess.
I also had a really nice date this week with a very sweet girl with a dump truck ass (sorry volcel police)
Bad vibes;
content warning, sexual assault(?)
spoiler
I had a really gross experience at a queer club last night where this dude kept grabbing my junk. I told him to fuck off what felt like a million times and then I lost my patience and escalated it to physical violence and basically dragged him to security myself, who after listening to a brief account of events then ejected him.
I kinda feel bad but I don't really think I was being dramatic and it's not like I didnt try to use my words but idk some people just don't listen
sooooo into my friend and soooo normal about it :an-eco-heart:
Had an awkward encounter at the gun store yesterday when my old (dead) name popped up on my account. The cashier said "you don't look like a [deadname]" I said *I used to be" and picked up my gun and left. It was weird and it's weird to think that those things still pop up years after changing my name, but glad I didn't get harassed. Guy just genuinely didn't know what was going on
Yesterday I told one of my older friends who has always known me as a straight male (while I don't really have labels I'm comfortable with yet, but definitely questioning both) that I currently have a crush on a man, and he immediately accepted it as new reality, was very supportive and tried to help me with a helpful label (he suggested pan). Was a bit nervous but was a good conversation and speaking it out loud also helped me to accept it more as reality. My journey is very slow but I'm making steps!
Starting to have gender questions? Maybe more just... doubts and like.... angst?
Like I am cis-male, and I don't think I have dysphoria based on gender, body yes but gender just doesn't.... factor in?
Like yeah I'm bald and bearded and do "masculine" (dumb as fuck but you know what I mean) habits (mechanic, wood working, home improvement, ect), but like... unno wtf is a "man" even, why am I a man, maybe I'm just me, I don't feel internal pressure to be a man, or anything else. Being bi/pan switch kinda takes away the sexual aspect a lot too, since I usually seek other bi/pan folks.
Bleh something on my mind lately, not sure how much I want to dig into it, I feel like the end point for me would be nb, but even then... maybe I'm just... this being.
Not trying to downplay others gender dysphoria or gender struggles, I'm extraordinarily privileged here but just... weirdly frustrated with it.
These were my exact thoughts before I stumbled across the term "agender". (You might wanna look that up) You identify as a person, rather than a gender, no?
Yeah that makes sense, like I don't make a conscious decision to present as male or w/e. I like my cloths, I like my beard, I like my nails painted. I feel like I work around myself being fat more than I work around myself being a gender. But like... why are these things a gender affirming thing anyway, bleh.
I think agender kinda works. I'll read more on it.
:flag-agender-pride: the closest I get to anything gender related is shaving (I use a safety razor which feels positively manly) and jackets which highlight my broad shoulders.
The latter is moreso that I'm confident in looking good in a masculine manner rather than preferring the masculinity of it in itself.
moreso that I’m confident in looking good in a masculine manner rather than preferring the masculinity of it in itself.
K ya that nails it. Masc clothing just fits me better and makes me more comfortable. I do want a nice sundress to lounge around and garden in. That shit is fantastic, just need to find one I can look good in.
This describes my feelings to the point. Can't really help you because I'm not much further. Just know that even non-binary also feels wrong, I identify more as myself than as some sort of social stereotype. Agender might be it.
I wanted to read a book about gay trauma.
I picked up "A little Life" because of the glowing reviews.
I regret reading it. Wretched book. I feel like the author glamorize gay suffering and I put it down halfway through.
Please recommend wholesome gay books about gays coming out k thx
