There really needs to be some solid communist dating advice for these young men, other than "just be yourself" and "be a good person" kind of stuff. Like real, concrete steps on how a guy can be diverted from the incel/pua/tate path. Tbh a lot of the pua advice is common sense stuff (try to groom yourself well, don't be afraid to put yourself out there, etc.).

I remember there were some good comments in a thread somewhere here (I'm pretty sure it was on c/menby but I can't seem to find it)

  • fifthedition [none/use name]
    ·
    2 years ago

    Nobody takes these men or their problems seriously. They just get abused and ridiculed. Is it any wonder they're turning to the only ones who tell them that they're not imagining their problems and treat them with fellowship and respect?

    Imagine an org that gave dating advice, how to make friends, how to behave in social situations so that other people would like you, etc. It would remove the fury from these men and prevent a great deal of harm. But come on, that would never happen. "Your org finds girlfriends for incels? Gross! No one is entitled to a girl's romantic feelings and certainly not their bodies!"

    • GnastyGnuts [he/him]
      ·
      2 years ago

      I've made comments about this before, but when internet discourse immediately turned "incel" into another way to call people virgins on the internet, there was this shift in the characterization of all lonely or sexless people as therefore incels, and therefore not just losers, but bad people who hate women and might flip out and kill people.

      It was basically a doubling-down in the association of male sexual activity with personal worth, which is basically the last shit society needed (that's literally where the incel shit comes from dummies), and gave misogynist black-pill assholes a huge W for no good reason. God damnit I hate the internet.

      • bidenicecream
        hexagon
        ·
        2 years ago

        But your idea is still decent in theory. Some of these dudes already succeed everywhere else but are clueless when it comes to socializing. I saw someone suggest leftist organizations hosting more leisurely activities such as team sports.

        I wonder how the USSR handled stuff like this (if it was also an issue in their society, which I presume it was). I'm curious what places like China/Cuba/Vietnam are doing with respect to this too (altho with places in Asia you have to contend with the white fetishization as well).

          • DivineChaos100 [none/use name]
            ·
            2 years ago

            We had that a few years ago as well, you can imagine how that turns out if it's organized by a conservative government.

        • SoyViking [he/him]
          ·
          2 years ago

          I know that many young women in the USSR had trouble finding partners after WWII because so many young men had been killed in the war. I don't know how or if society dealt with that situation.

      • Ligma_Male [comrade/them]
        ·
        2 years ago

        I feel like the last thing these people need is a girlfriend lol.

        i dunno i chilled out a lot when i got to college and got laid. I was already reading the progessive atheist bloggers instead of the reactionary ones so that might've inoculated me against the worst of the toxic masculinity stuff but more years of constant rejection and failure, maybe i would've been hijacked by attacks on buzzfeed white feminism?

        of course you can't really ask or expect women to want to be around these actual shitty guys so I don't know what to do with that.

        • infuziSporg [e/em/eir]
          ·
          2 years ago

          I would say you chilled out because socially, you had expanded and felt self-sufficient.

    • Outdoor_Catgirl [she/her, they/them]
      ·
      2 years ago

      Yeah the line "we are the only ones who care about you" is damn persuasive propaganda. When you hear reductive lib ideas of privilege that boil down to "umm sweaty your problems and insecurities aren't real because you are a white male" and are only shown that from chud media, fascists claiming that they and only they are on your side does work. I would know because that used to be me listening and believing that shit. Turns out that the reason I was in mental clusterfuck over masculinity and gender and sexuality was because I am trans not because society is against men. And also learning that privilege doesn't mean you don't suffer, only that you don't suffer from that reason.

      • SoyViking [he/him]
        ·
        2 years ago

        Patriarchy and toxic masculinity. A Real Alpha Man™ fucks and if you don't then you're a loser and fair game for ridicule.

        A lot of these young men holds some disgusting ideas that prevents them from finding willing partners. Did they get those ideas because they can't find partners or are they unable to find partners because they have such ideas? It might vary and it is possibly very much a chicken and egg type of situation, either way the two reinforces eachother in a vicious cycle of hatred and rejection.

        Other people are perfectly nice and sane but still fail to find sexual and romantic partners for non-incel reasons like disability, neurodiversity or stressful material conditions.

        • Bloobish [comrade/them]
          ·
          2 years ago

          Don't forget how current pop culture within media distorts reality into some weird perception on how a "true man" must act, a lot of shit from the incel crowd is merely just the gestated fulfillment of ironically nerdy directors creating movie/show genres in which (smart/nerd = undesirable/disgusting and that only the physically fit and trim are to be desired) or that said "nerd/geek/etc" must be domineering in their attitude to get what they want (i.e. the red pill multiple plates shit). There's a reason lots of "main characters" in media act demeaning or abusive towards others such as modern Sherlock Holmes being an asshat. This all is done to obfuscate the fact that dating and getting to know people is just talking to fellow human beings and seeing if you click or enjoy each others company. If such encounters don't immediately lead to sexual dominance or relational ownership means failure on the part of the male in "capturing" the attention of the woman. This then leads to incels finding a coping ideology to explain this "failure" (i.e. I am a genetic dead or end or other "black pill" shit which eventually culminates in a shooting that ends with innocents killed/harmed and the shooter getting suicide by self or cop).

          tldr: Incels are the thanaton drive byproduct of a male dominated society that has created a clusterfuck when it comes to dating by designing a fictitious fantasy that only particular men are entitled to relationships and that intimacy via sex is the ultimate "reward" of said relationships.

          • DivineChaos100 [none/use name]
            ·
            2 years ago

            Knew someone who was a dick to girls who rejected them who later admitted that was because that's what he saw on adam sandler movies.

            • UlyssesT [he/him]
              ·
              2 years ago

              Dae entertainment has no effect on its consumers touch grass touch grass :so-true:

        • jkfjfhkdfgdfb [she/her]
          ·
          2 years ago

          Patriarchy and toxic masculinity. A Real Alpha Man™ fucks and if you don’t then you’re a loser and fair game for ridicule.

          well i meant from the other direction

          we dunk on them because they say awful shit

    • dead [he/him]
      ·
      edit-2
      2 years ago

      "Nobody takes these men seriously" is an apologist talking point. This is the same thing that Jordan Peterson has said and many other alt right figures. This is the same thing that media says about school shooters. Frankly, it's a dangerous thing to say. It is a diversion from the truth, which is that these are men who have willingly chosen to be far-right out of malice towards women.

      The altright, pua, redpill, etc is not solving their problems either. Grifters have told men that they can be and should be the oppressors of women, and these men want to agree to those terms. These are men who have chosen chauvinism.

      Some of these men may have problems that they are facing. That does not excuse being a reactionary. Having problems in your life is not an excuse to have malice towards women. Men are not owed the attention or affection of women.

      Most men have difficulties interacting women and most men don't resort to becoming incels. This is because men do not become incels simply from lack of social skills. They become incels because they have chosen to have malice toward women.

      Dating advice might help some men. Dating advice is not going to help men who think that "women are property", as fans of Andrew Tate and Sneako believe.

    • 2Password2Remember [he/him]
      ·
      2 years ago

      They just get abused and ridiculed

      good. they're pieces of shit and deserve abuse and ridicule

      Death to America

    • jkfjfhkdfgdfb [she/her]
      ·
      2 years ago

      “Your org finds girlfriends for incels? Gross! No one is entitled to a girl’s romantic feelings and certainly not their bodies!”

      that is correct, yes.

    • infuziSporg [e/em/eir]
      ·
      2 years ago

      He didn't do the wording very well, but I like Hank Green's take in advising sexually frustrated geek guys and geek girls to pursue each other, and remember how much of the opposite gender is commonly written off.

      I agree with you, and frankly, if you could keep a good gender balance in an organization that sought out lonely people, all you'd need to do is provide opportunities to socialize, and help them break down the cross-gender hostility; 90% of them would be able to find each other just fine.

      There's almost no one at all on this green earth that is non-dateable.