it’s bad for everyone.
When I'm using Tinder, I completely delete and remake my account every few weeks because the app gives a massive boost to your visibility for the first few days so you get more matches and get addicted to it. After that your matches slow down and you are incentivized to pay for "premium" features like... More visibility.
For an average-looking guy, it makes a big difference
I did this too, and it has the funny side effect of matching with the same handful of people every time, and exchanging a couple “How’ve you been?” Messages before still not going on a date
and exchanging a couple “How’ve you been?” Messages before still not going on a date
I guess they are waiting for you to make the first move. lol
Nah most of the time there was just no chemistry which is why it never progressed the previous times
OkCupid started out as some kind of student project and actually worked really well. Online dating wasn't any worse than any other dating until it was monetized and optimized for engagement.
The old OKCupid blog posts analyzing client behaviors were amazing
I have a colleague who met their wife through OKC, someone in my family did as well, and they went to work there as a result just before Match bought them. He watched it destroy the service in realtime, apparently it was so bad that he rejected capitalist modes of production in all things subsequently.
I actually met someone I matched with on tinder for the first time yesterday and it was a pretty boring meeting.
I've decided my new tinder strategy is to cut the crap and just ask the person out as soon as possible.
But yeah also all those apps I think make people antisocial
I’ve decided my new tinder strategy is to cut the crap and just ask the person out as soon as possible.
Literally the only good strategy for a man on dating apps. It filters out any women just looking for attention. Ask them out for a low stakes date like grabbing coffee or a drink at a bar.
Even if they have the best of intentions, it's best to ask them on a low-stakes date at the end of your initial conversation. Until you meet someone in person you aren't going to know if you'll hit it off no matter how much texting you do. All waiting does is delay the "do we like each other in the flesh?" moment.
I'm talking to a girl on OKCupid who's nice and she hasn't tried to sell me anything yet so it's not all terrible
I used that app years ago. It definitely had its own culture that was kind of 00's pseudo hipster I'm the quirkiest. Still better than the smoke cigarettes behind the dive bar vibe of PoF.
PoF is just so fucking barebones it's useless. I'm not paying for OKC or even using their app, but still managed to match with a few girls. One I'm messaging now is kinda geeky and is gonna be working at the ren faire next month.
As for the vibe I never tried Tinder or Hinge or any of those other ones and the reviews for the apps all say they suck now and fleece you so hard you can't actually use them unless you're a premium subscriber or some shit, and I'm fucking broke so I'd rather spend that money on a gym membership, which is far more likely to make me feel good about myself and get some attention from the ladies
Then don’t use it.
It’s the best option for me because I don’t know where else to find queer people to date.
Dating apps have never led to anything good for me. Everything feels very artificial and forced. I prefer to meet people through hobbies and friends (though I think meeting people online is fine)
I've found love multiple times on dating apps. I spent yesterday cuddling under blankets due to dating apps. You just gotta be gay / be open-minded / keep at it
You just gotta be gay
Being gay is having sex on easy mode. It's so unfair.
Well if the unfairness ever gets you down just remember gay sex isn't something you are it's something you do and you can just go do it, with the way straight men are socialized it's probably too late for most to ever be able to share real romantic love with another man but that doesn't always factor into casually dating and the thrill of novel sex will get you surprisingly far physically even if it isn't something you typically fantasize about
no, not necessarily. being straight does not necessarily mean being so repulsed by the same sex that you can't possibly suffer through sex with them. you're just entirely wrong, theres nothing more to it
it doesn't have to be suffering. sex feels good regardless of who it's with.
idk why you're being like this. you're just wrong. orgasms are pleasurable regardless of what causes them. thats all there is to it.
You aren't the person who decides what it's called when other people have sex sorry
Well touché but as a bisexual I am allowed to erasure myself and you are actually doing bi erasure if you don't agree with everything I say and find me cute
Why is it bad advice? What bad things will happen if you go on a gay date and it's a flop? What bad things will happen if it isn't a flop and you arrange a second? What bad things will happen if that one goes well and you share a kiss? What bad things will happen if you go home together and put on a TV show you've both seen before? Where does a bad thing enter the mix unless it is flowing into it from your eyes?
Truthfully, awkwardness heartbreak is a good answer to any of the above. But that is a part of any dating. Just as with dating anyone, if you start slow and communicate your feelings freely there is no reason for anyone to get hurt. And plenty of people get even into their 30s or 40s convinced they are straight until they meet the right person and click with them. I'm just saying keep an open mind and don't live in fear
So I can support conversion therapy, right? What bad things can come?
You think straight people should just get over themselves and have sex with people of a gender they're not attracted to. Since our sexuality is something to be discarded, why isn't yours?
Not to be presumptuous but every man or woman I have ever heard say this later went on to have gay sex
gay sex isn’t something you are it’s something you do
Sure. And, even if it tastes like soap, I can have as much cilantro as I like.
it’s probably too late for most to ever be able to share real romantic love with another man
Real romantic love with anyone is difficult. But that's not really my gripe.
I'm more frustrated with how many women still have a hang up about "being a slut" for hooking up. The degree to which women feel shame over themselves, their bodies, their desires... Its both frustrating as a partner and painful to witness second hand.
Guys are just allowed to be horny. Girls aren't.
So you just flat won't ever eat a taco with even a trace of cilantro? Like it fully ruins the flavour? Cause I get the soap thing but I still enjoy the taco overall
I was mostly just asking about actual tacos because I'm curious about the cilantro aversion, I didn't pick the cilantro analogy and don't find it apt, but I will also say its good if its breaking the concept of gender bianary that shit sucks.
So you just flat won’t ever eat a taco with even a trace of cilantro?
Not knowingly.
Cause I get the soap thing but I still enjoy the taco overall
I mean, I usually notice it and pick it out, then finish the taco.
Yep, not good for one company (match group) to own every app besides bumble.
Bumble being publicly traded and started by a former Tinder exec, so realistically the same thing. As it gets more purchase with people, the service degrades to generate more profit from desperation. It's the same thing all information services go through, achieve a critical mass of audience by being better than alternatives so you can emulate the alternatives to make money.
I treat it as I treat getting a job: if I'm in there, it's bad for the others. So I am not in there! I think Lenin had some thoughts along the same lines? (Maybe not relating to Tinder...)
dating in the 90s/00s sounds terrible imo, I was almost too young to actually experience 99% of it.
If you're Christian, you meet at church, that's probably easy to find someone who likes Christian Totalitarianism and nothing has changed even up to this date.
If you like being at bars 24/7, you meet at bars, that's probably easy to find someone who likes that and nothing has changed even up to this date.
Otherwise, if you didn't find the one in highschool or have an extensive friend network, you basically have to be awkwardly forward with every random person you find in the street, or hope every hot guy you want is awkwardly forward at you, meanwhile lots of unwanted randos bothering you in the streets or at hobbies.
Dating apps efficiently gather all the "hey, im looking, who's looking?" energy and focuses that into a tighter network with higher signal/noise ratio. IRL has to be better as a result, the randos bothering you in the street are probably the ones who are too much of a bozo to get on an online app. "Girl detected" in hobbiest environments will always be a problem, but it can't be worse, right? feminism and wokeness has the changed the world so that women are, to some degree, more allowed to be at hobbies without functioning as arm candy.
The main issue with dating apps today is probably spam, catfishing, and what I'd call "the incel problem". The first two are obvious, but what exactly do you with people who's standards are higher than their own personality/looks can justify? or are otherwise unlovable?
I've had mostly a good time on apps personally.
writing a good profile
:jokerfication: i hate how I have to perform. It feels like I’m living in marvel world where everyone needs to be a comedian to get attention
every social interaction is a performance blah blah blah but I was able to "be myself" in a college social environment and met somebody. The contortions of these online meat markets don't allow that at all.
i'm not sure what you're on about, masking and having scripts are absolutely performance
and writing a good profile.
why do I have to have an interesting busy life with hobbies and activities? 😟
having unreasonable standards
we ALL have that friend who is clearly a 4/10 with pedophile aesthetics and exclusively pines for 9/10s.
that's a bit extreme but physical attraction is a requirement for most allos
focuses that into a tighter network with higher signal/noise ratio
Japan used to have this thing where you wore a tiny beeper/pager thing that looked for other beeper/pagers waiting for its signal, and if they beeped, you were prompted to ask the single person out to break the ice.
That seems less fucked up than the deliberately designed to make you linger and pay money grifts of today.
you don't like dating apps??? this is the way the world works, if you want to find some quality people, you gotta wade through all the dicks first
