this is all very vague and could remind almost anybody of a time they had a conflict with their parent(s). really depends what the lecture is about. it could range anywhere from "they are fucking horrible" to "they want you to succeed in life and not have to worry about you any more"

if they arent bigots and arent charging you rent and youre over 18, you should feel pretty fortunate. I stayed home til i was 25 and never paid for anything, even food. I did manage to save up a decent amount too.

Parents are supposed to be annoying but not abusive. If they are annoying, use that as motivation to do something to get out of the house(college, job training, certifications of whatever kind) while youre not paying rent.

I literally ran away from my parents for this reason, only in my case it was because my mom was charging me rent and board for my time with her. I think her final tally was thirty thousand dollars.

Oh and she'd get mad if I went to work too, because then I wouldn't be around enough to clean the house.

I ended up pooling about 800$ and moving out when she was tending to her four other properties (yes, she was a landlord!!)

It was a nightmare, and I don't recommend it.

What I can recommend is going out as much as you are able and finding space away from them. If you're really desperate, consider enrolling in college and boarding there. Yeah, the debt sucks, but the price is worth it compared to having your youth sapped by emotional vampires.

It do be like that :meow-hug:

This was every conversation with my dad up until I decided it wasn't worth communicating with him anymore.

"Something do a thing that was relevant 40 years ago something"

"Dad, it doesn't work like that anymore."

"NOT IF YOU DON'T TRY!!!!!"

"Dad, the world changed and you were just too dense to notice it."

"NO IT DIDN'T!"

the thing about parents who leverage their economic support over their children, is they seem to have no sense of how that's going to play out negatively for them. in this age of precarity and young adults living with parents well into adulthood or middle age, the stakes are even higher.

my relationship with my own parents is fine, imo. we talk, i'm honest, etc. but i also live hundreds of miles away and do not need shit from them. so now there's this "we wish we saw you more" and i'm like, "sorry, i am not a retiree with literally every option for moving and residing at my feet." they were slightly dickish towards me when i lived with them in my late 20s because i needed to make a big change, professionally. that resulted in me living at home for a few years. so, in my experience, they wanted me out. now i'm out, so what are they complaining about?

but what i am talking about is the friends i had who had parents who were assholes to them starting in high school. telling them in front of their friends that they would be out on their ass on their 18th birthday, no help, no nothing. pushing them out of the house at 15 to get some dogshit job and telling them to "grow up". a lot of those people never talk to their parents again. and, for all the hype about social security and medicare... old people who aren't rich start falling apart before 65, and really could use a ride to their doc appointments or someone to come around and be handy. when those people complain about their kids never coming around, it's them telling on themselves. that's who they taught them to be.

basically, to sum it all up.... it makes sense to nudge kids out of the nest so long as it comes with the support they need to make it. but unlike birds, when humans advance in years, they like to have their offspring close by. and the way a lot of ameroids do it, they seem to be ensuring a particularly hard and lonely sunset for themselves.

:meow-hug:

Let me ask you this: Do you pay rent to your parents? Do you split the bill over utilities and groceries? Who's doing the laundry or washing the dishes or vacuuming the carpet? Do you cook for your parents? Because if you're doing none of those things, then in their eyes, them lecturing you is completely justified. "My kid doesn't have to see 60% of their paycheck disappear because of rent on top of getting free maid service, so the least they could do is sit through my advice, which is free as well." If anything, your parents are probably low-key resentful about you not contributing your share of the workload and they keep on lecturing you because their patience with you is running thin. As for why they don't just say, "Give us $1000 a month of gtfo," first, that time will come soon enough and second, parents aren't always direct about what they want. They're still human after all, and the older you get, the more they'll default to treating you like an adult instead of a child (yes, this might seem insensitive to say after they berated you like a child, but it's true), so if they're naturally unconfrontational in front of their peers, that'll sometimes trickle down to how they interact with you.

So what is to be done? The crucial thing is to determine whether your parents are actually decent people or just assholes. The litmus test is not how they're treating you, especially right now when tensions are high with them, but how they treat other people. Do they treat waiters with dignity or do they treat them like complete shit? Do they contribute to church charity or do they constantly gossip behind their fellow churchgoers? Do they help support their fellow coworkers or do they suck up to the boss? Are they the center of your extended families for being super chill and cool or are they completely shunned by your extended families for being nothing but trouble?

Once you make your evaluation of their character, then you'll know what do:

• If they just assholes, then fuck 'em. Leach off of them as much as you can before you're financially independent and gtfo. Hell, I wouldn't not recommend committing petty theft liking taking shit that you could sell on eBay right before you leave if they're really that bad.

• If they're decent people, I would recommend doing some household chores and see if their behavior improves. If their behavior does improve, then they were most likely resentful about you not doing chores but are being childish about it instead of being adults by talking to you directly. Find the balance point between doing chores and listening to their pointless lectures.

• If their behavior doesn't improve, they you need to have a family meeting with them both. Calmly explain to them that you aren't a kid anymore and you won't tolerate being lectured like a child but that you also understand that as an adult, you have an adult obligation to do your share of the household chores and contribute your financial share to rent/taxes and other living expenses. Firmly make a deal with them where you'll do an agreed upon amount of chores and pay an agreed upon amount of rent while they completely stop lecturing you. Besides this, there needs to be agreed upon consequences if one party doesn't hold their end of the bargain. If you don't hold your end of the bargain, X will happen, and if they don't hold their end of the bargain, Y will happen.

Good luck.

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Been there. Like so many others, it got a lot better after I moved away, and could control how much I communicated and with whom.

If you want to share what general education/training level you have, what the rent is where you are, and what your monthly expenses are (roughly), I'd be happy to help you plot out your way to living under your own power, instead of theirs. It feels so good when you cross that milestone of really being in charge of yourself.

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