So, I'm not publicly out, and I can pass either way (except voice of friggin course), and I am attending a wedding as a guest soon. The families are white, bougie, mid western and maybe conservative-ish. The other side is some shade of middle eastern, conservative, Muslim and Arab influences (I don't know the families at all). I have no desire to draw attention so I'm going to go in boy-mode, but I also don't want to feel like shit the whole time. Anyone ever find a good way to balance things without firing up the dysphoria into overdrive? I would love to be in a nice sun dress of course, but it ain't happening. I have some mens suits and plenty of menswear formal-ish attire that I can work with. Anyway, anyone got any thoughts?
Well pantsuits are within the scope of cis women's wear. Depending on your body, maybe you could have an existing suit tailored to fit a little different. Get a more comfortable shirt to wear with it. Or find a more androgynous suit. Lesbianish.
And there's always accessories, scents etc.
To consider: The more tweaks you make the more likely you are to be interpreted as gay. How bothersome would that be?
This is what my cousin did at our grandma’s funeral when she wasn’t out to everyone. None of the old conservatives picked up on it, but every one of us who would be supportive did and didn’t make any kind of deal about it until she felt comfortable telling us.
The amount of money it would cost to tailor a men's suit into a more feminine cut would possibly be more than to buy a nice, new, season-appropriate suit. I think your advice is solid.
Maybe you could do something a little more femme with your hair? I’ve boy-moded a wedding with a bun and some face framing tendrils (why the fuck are they called that?) and that was pretty cute. It got me by.
Ooo, I like that idea, maybe I could have my stylist do something.
There are nice outfits that can be femme depending on how preceptive someone is but that still tick the boxes for traditional male clothing in a pinch. Black slacks and a nice white blouse, for example. You can make the blouse on the femme side and avoid too much unwanted attention while still dressing literally femme. Light fabric, sleeveless or fun sleeves. If you bring a light jacket or blazer you can use it to go stealthy wherever you want, too. It also makes it easy to bring options so you don't feel stuck if you change your mind one way or the other. Multiple shirts.
Wedding... White blouse... You trying to set me up?!
