Perhaps the most powerful idea in Pesuyama's work is that of forgiveness. Throughout the manga, they ask, "Can I forgive my female body?" The fact that Pesuyama has a female body informs the narrative, as they endure instances of sexism and sexual assault throughout their life. Beyond dysphoria, these experiences push Pesuyama to loath themself, blaming their female body for all of the things that happened to them.

I can't help but think of the common trans experience of hating an assigned gender and how so often transition is so focused on hating an assigned gender rather than loving a preferred one.

To me, Pesuyama's forgiveness of their body is a powerful example for all trans people. They recognize their transness, they don't accept their assigned gender, they would prefer another body; however, they forgive their body for being what it is before (maybe) moving forward with medical transition (Pesuyama ends the manga by contemplating whether or not to start HRT).

Growing from Pesuyama's forgiveness, the next theme moves outward and is concerned with the confrontation of the self with a hostile culture. Upon acknowledging that their "female body is not at fault" for what happened to them, Pesuyama must confront the society that allowed their sexual assault and marginalization to be normalized. They argue that evil is rather banal and that abusers are, for all intents and purposes, "normal" people who are allowed (and taught and incentivized) to act in particular ways.

The original assault is amplified by a hostile culture, as people online diminish, deny, or criticize the fact that Pesuyama is speaking out. The term used to describe this is "second rape."

After staying quiet for 7 years, Pesuyama decides to pursue retribution against her abuser. When speaking with a lawyer, the lawyer mentions that the case probably would have been thrown out 7 years prior, but in the modern day, they had a solid chance to win. This leads Pesuyama to reflect on the importance of cultural progress, the people who fight for it, and the MeToo movement in particular. Pesuyama concludes that these changes are inherently political (rather than individual), and that people need to be protected legally, not just culturally as the dominant liberal ideology would imply.

Finally, one very interesting aspect of the manga is the differing perceptions of trauma and abuse. Pesuyama confronts their abuser and receives his side of the story. It's interesting to see how Pesuyama imagined their abuser's thoughts, how the abuser interpreted his own actions, and how Pesuyama argued against the abuser's justifications.

Pesuyama also talks with a friend who was sexually assaulted often but seems unphased by it. This leads Pesuyama to doubt themselves, thinking that they are simply weak. Eventually, they stop comparing themself to others and tries to move on with healing at their own pace.

There's also an interesting throughline of using art as a method of healing along with the particular details of Pesuyama's therapy, but I won't go into those here.

This manga had a large impact on me, from confronting the sexual assault experienced in my own life to the acceptance of my body as it is.

While I experience dysphoria with my body, I also found myself hallucinating dysphoria where it wasn't because I felt like I was "supposed to" in order to validate my experience with gender. I largely have mixed feelings about my body. Pesuyama talks about their experience with make-up and how they loved watching make-up tutorials because looking feminine was always just so much easier than looking masculine. However, they decided to stop because, despite looking good in a traditional sense and enjoying the process, it kept them from presenting the way they actually wanted to. I largely feel the same way about my facial hair. I always had trouble with the idea that when I look at myself in the mirror with a beard, that I think I look good. "How could I be trans if I feel this way?" It's just so much easier for me to look masculine. I literally have to do nothing, and I can be a handsome man. But... It keeps me from presenting the way I really want to present in the world.

So... I forgive my body and all my weirdness. It's not my fault I was born the way I was, and there's nothing wrong with me. I will continue to change my body, not out of disgust but love.