I had to answer 140 questions 
But if you answer too well they could doubt you. So your job is to get somewhere between a 91% and a 98% depending on the employer's mood and the positions of the planets.
you have to tell them exactly what they want to hear as a power move while never breaking eye contact
yes sir mr boss man i was a lead developer on over 9000 pentagon software projects that meant life or death for our boys in green. i literally designed 360 no scope auto aim on real life rifles sir
straight up making stuff up is risky as if they find out they can fire you with no recourse on your part. Better to exaggerate and tell the truth in flattering ways
you think
of all people would understand perverse incentive structures, but no, it's almost as though has forgotten everything.From my understanding they apply biblical numerology and orgone theory and blood type and all kinds of other mystical HR bullshit. Just utter superstitious dogshit made up by people whose job is to sell business self-help books, to try to, idk, edge out .001% more reliability per employee or something?
I honestly think they don't even know why they're doing it. HR hazing rituals have been getting dumber and more esoteric and more pointless for years and now it's so enmeshed in the culture they're not even really examining their priors anymore.
I want to say it's to filter out people unwilling to do the tedious bullshit of the job, but for a lot of these, the employers drank the Kool-aid and believe these tests actually mean something.
If you have an awareness of what the desirable answers are, you're going to prioritize that over honesty. And it's funny because then the employers probably filter out the answers where the person responds perfectly because you've gotta answer the questions well, but not so well you seem dishonest.
Wyd even they're open-note if you're applying online, rendering the tests even more pointless
These tests are peak management bullshit and I hate them very much.
They are invented by useless parasites for the purpose of convincing themselves that they’re not useless parasites
I once tried to return to a workplace I was reasonably well liked at for a year and they said because of one of these tests I wasn't 'competitive' enough and they couldn't take me. This was over a decade ago so I can only imagine how it's progressed. I think if they didn't know me they would have just ghosted me without explaining. So that's what that gets you. 🤷
personally i don't play that game like that. i either fill it out with all the same position ( like choosing A out of ABCD every time ) or i use a randomizer if i wanna get creative. HR can mark it in their notebooks if they really care, im not scared lol
I had a job try and make me take an IQ test to get a job offer and I told them to fuck off
JPMorgan Chase made me spend a whole 30 minutes playing literal games. It was obviously a legal proxy for testing IQ since it was mostly puzzles but some of them were strictly testing physical traits like reaction time
And one of them was just asking me to press the spacebar as many times as possible in 60 seconds
My theory is men are probably better at the physical tests so that was to legally filter out women? Idk
Depends, if theyre just counting its trivial to write a script that mashes the key at whatever rate you want. If its got anything to track the time between presses it gets more annoying
Maybe JPMorgan Chase are a front for aliens conducting Last Starfighter style tests for human pilots to fight in their losing war using the guise of a game-like employment test.
And one of them was just asking me to press the spacebar as many times as possible in 60 seconds
Holy shit that sounds extremely illegal
I just realized it's probably not filtering out women but moreso disabled and old people
But it's probably a legal loophole. I can't see what law it'd break and they probably consulted their army of lawyers
Yeah that makes sense- it would be weird if the threshold was like "wow we got a pro gamer here" and is more likely about people who get fatigued toward the end or lack some kind of physical coordination.
HR people can be pretty dumb this makes sense if you consider it a result of bureacratic bullshit
I mean, you could filter out so much stuff with this. All kinds of nerve issues, repetitive motion injuries. Either way, unlimited
to the HR department.
Whoever thinks these tests are a good idea gets the wall
They get to be on the end of the line when it has been established how many chuds a single round will fix.
“Wow he selected 140 of 140 ‘always true’. We have an honest candidate and we must hire him!”
Give all the right answers. On one hand most jobs will reject you because they think it's sociopathic to game their bullshit. On the other, any of them who need a new executive could pick you for the same reason
most jobs will reject you because they think it's sociopathic to game their bullshit
then give me less obviously gameable bullshit if in a job interview you were asked to your face should we give you the job the answer you give is yes and that's just the accepted format of job interviews
Yeah, I'm only half joking. I hear it's a good idea to fake vulnerability on a couple of the personal questions and of course ace the corporate "ethics" questions. Not nearly as important as juicing up your resume with whatever you can get away with though - just makes you a little more competitive in the "which of these applicants can we exploit best" category
I think if they want a real answer they should ask a real question
"Sometimes true and sometimes false" is the same answer as "mostly true" and "mostly false"
Right. Heads up 90% of those personality tests are some derivative of UNICRU (if not that directly), quick google of that should be a huge help on getting through those tests. Generally employers are looking for a naive, optimistic, extroverted and easily abused worker, one who works hard and parties away their pains, answer questions according to that mask and you'll at least get through that portion. Most help wanted signs are only their to scare their own workers into knowing they're replaceable, never going to change my mind.
I’ve been looking for work for the past two months, I’ve probably answered 2000 of these questions all together.
Surely they'd have some negative questions to prevent this (E.g. "It's OK to sometimes be late"). Basic psychometric test design
I've applied for many jobs over the years and the only one to make me do one of these horseshit tests was an outfit run by a convicted fraudster and went under shortly after they offered me a job.
At a job years ago, they made us take one of these personality tests (not as part of the hiring process, this was for current employees) and then encouraged us to print out the results and keep them in our cubes, so people would know how to interact with us.
No thanks!
Same, a color-coded sticker was assigned to us based on 4 personality types and you had to stick it on your desk (we didn't even have cubicles lmao). I quit like a month later. Garbage company was being ran like a cult by the stupidest people ever.
This is not a personality test. This is an intelligence test that filters out those who are too stupid to lie and give them the answers they obviously want.
their way into figuring out what potential employees would be prone to unionisation.
