I think there's a lot of cultural motivation to be some kind of great person - be it because of the great man theory of history or the economic glorification of the captains of industry. However, as communists, our theories of history and economics don't have any love lost for this analysis of the world. We recognize that without labor, not a single gear would turn. So, in my mind, success as a society doesn't rely on the prophetic vision of someone unbound by the constraints of societal pressures, but by iterative improvements and experiments put forward by groups of people who could stand to be liberated from under the economic heel of serving treats and proliferating the MIC. In this paradigm, the person who does push forward the big discovery/gadget is congratulated and venerated, but the cultural zeitgeist shouldn't be centered around that moment of discovery, but instead around highlighting the group and their efforts. Think of watching a Summoning Salt video instead of just the WR speedrun. If I can characterize my desire as wanting to be part of a culture that celebrates the collaborative more than wanting to be exalted as the person who accomplishes something, I can say that I don't "lack motivation" because I don't yearn to be celebrated.
I also struggle to see myself in chosen ones - I don't write the MCs of my novels as inherently special, but rather people who have to rise to the occasion. I hear that media that depicts hordes of zombies (post-apocalyptic has never resonated with me) springs from the same core philosophy. I would much rather hear about someone who is weird because they had to panic and push through a crowd of normal people than someone who is normal who had to run their truck through a horde of zombies. When I think of what I want for myself, the conversation is never to cultivate what makes me special to live up to my potential, it's always about doing something cool because the opportunity exists for those who would take it.
For example, with my black belt coming up in BJJ (in likely <year), I find a lot of joy in reflecting about how I took detours to learn about striking, wrestling, and judo while I've never had a genuine interest in my tournament results which have, as a result, been lackluster. For me, I grew up hearing people say that nobody's cut from a different cloth and how "you're a fucking sick (oops, can't show that word on a Christian forum) if you want to be." I went into BJJ because I wanted to believe that anyone could walk in off the street and, with the proper attitude, opportunity, will, and work become a black belt. I don't know that it ever crossed my mind that among the public, I was specially engineered to get that belt because of some characteristic about myself. On the contrary, my enormous gag reflex, gentle demeanor, and sensitive skin would imply that I am particularly imperfect for BJJ. Sometimes it's hard to go into a group of practicing MMA athletes as a weekly manga reader with no competitive ambition and believe "yep, I can hang with you shirtless people with tattoos and muscles!" even if I was invited by the coach. I think in my darkest moments I worried that inherent characteristics about myself made me too bad of a person to be able to accomplish the goal or that my accomplishments would be given out of pity. Even then, when it came to digging myself out of that hole, the act of showing up and being part of that community and touching grass mat helped bring me out of that funk when people showed me love instead of hating me for being me.
So, I guess sometimes I feel like I'm missing some fire or edge because I'm not striving to stand out. I do have accomplishments that stand out - I don't like to list them in public because it feels boastful. But if we just look at BJJ - while it's hard to get accurate data, a safe assumption is that <1% of people who walk in the door to do BJJ make it to brown belt. If the exclusivity were the goal, I feel like I should feel some other emotion about it. That maybe I should lean into it and make it into some complex about what a precise and superior fighter I am. I earnestly, when I'm being honest and sincere, don't toil in the hopes of being more than someone else. Deep down in there I'm hoping that an attractive person I'm attracted to goes "oh you really like that thing that I like too! Let's talk about it for hours" and magically I like talking to them for hours. Likewise, being really helpful and working on my own terms has 1,000,000x more resonance to me than being really rich (marble countertops, consuming luxury slop, having exclusive seating/priority, etc.). But with a resume of cool shit that I've done it's like shouldn't I want to pursue something until it's amazing? Shouldn't I be one track minded towards a goal? I seem to be floating listlessly and a goal might shake that up. Am I just coping?
Do you feel the same way? Without great man theory, imperial core chauvinism, and unenlightened non-liberating education do you still strive to be special and stand out? Do you want to be outstanding - the person who finally discovers and invents the thing? Do you have any guidance for me?
I think my philosophy on life and "greatness" boils down to this:
“Man's dearest possession is life. It is given to him but once, and he must live it so as to feel no torturing regrets for wasted years, never know the burning shame of a mean and petty past; so live that, dying, he might say: all my life, all my strength were given to the finest cause in all the world──the fight for the Liberation of Mankind” ― Nikolai Ostrovsky
I made mistakes and didnt see the world correctly a long time because I grew up in a shitty reactionary environment without any guiding lights. I can't claim to have reasoned what is right and wrong down from the heavens - I found it out by trial and error, but I don't have regrets anymore
No. Kill the urge to be special. Its ridiculous. Become one with the masses
The MODS of HEXBEAR are crushing my individuality??? (not clickbait) (gone WRONG) (GRWM)
i have a non sexual praise kink and want to be told how great I am all the time, it's why I made black bean cakes today instead of using frozen patties even though only one person said they were really good after I made him try them u_u
anyway that's just me though
Only one person? You probably made that person's day. That's a W
No. I have been "special" at certain hobbies in the past that have gotten me put on a world stage and I hated it. It's not worth it and it's insanely stressful. I just want to live a quiet life without anyone bothering me while just being me.
No, mostly I'm invisibile. People talk around me in a crowd. I will be ignored or just left sitting/standing to the side. If someone does ask me something it will be one question, then I'd answer and then they would either move on to someone else or sit in silence in my presence. I grew up knowing I wasn't special and I soon learned I would never be special. I enjoy a quiet life.
To be honest, it was only in college that I began to shed my competitive mindset and casual aspirations of greatness. I always measured my success in my hobbies relative to the skills of others, whether it's a sport, a video game, or my area of education (physics). While I still enjoy competition today, it does not feel important anymore that I win.
Physics is a particularly "Great Man"-ified field of study. All the famous equations and theories have names associated to them. The most brilliant physicists get Nobel awards and are treated as demigods. I greatly admired and looked up to these people, and I wanted to become like them, because a) I wanted the recognition of greatness, and b) I believed real progress in the field depended on these individual contributions.
Going into college, I studied so that I could one day become a professor, someone that could inspire the next generation by passing down my sagely intelligence to eager students, like Richard Feynman and Albert Einstein.
Leaving college, I was utterly disillusioned with this mindset. First, I realized my own mediocrity. Second, I realized how insignificant individuals are when confronting the profoundest questions in physics. A large number of physicists understand quantum theory just as well as did Stephen Hawking. Many physicists make just as incredible theoretical contributions as did Hawking, but with less fanfare. Inch by inch, I lost the belief that the famous individuals were particularly unique in their intelligence, and started to believe that these accomplishments were almost entirely due to sheer force of will. All of these great thinkers were great because they put in a ton of work over lifetimes. And often, this work was couched in a supportive group of family, and friends, and intellectual colleagues. Einstein, for example, was only capable of developing the differential geometry requisite for relativity thanks to the contributions a mathematician friend, Marcel Grossman.
In my working career, I have seen how much the success of projects depends on a few experts who prefer to stay out of the spotlight, while credit often is given to the project leadership who only have a superficial knowledge of the details.
Growing past this mindset has largely been an acceptance of mediocrity, and observing how toxic it is to believe that mediocrity is a sign of laziness or lack of passion.
If genius is not a total myth, it is greatly exaggerated. Barring physical deformity, humans have approximately equal intelligence. The social and material conditions of each person's life are far greater determinants of individual success than the particular manifestation of their brain folds.
The math educator Grant Sanderson (youtube: 3Blue1Brown) made some of these ideas the theme of his Stanford math commencement speech in 2023: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7GVHB2wiyg
3Blue1Brown opened me to the idea of math being beautiful and I have never stopped my full throated support of people watching his videos if they're interested in math. I really like the idea of meeting people where they are like Grant Sanderson was talking about. It's a core part of my philosophy in life, perhaps to my own peril. I think of chess in that same realm of physics in terms of people feeling refined because of their skill. The only difference is that sometimes children (as young as 8) will get matched up against Magnus Carlson (the undisputed best chess player) and simply not hesitate when they make moves. They haven't even considered what he has contributed to the sport, they know no fear, and then they take games off of him or draw. It's a little X factor that keeps the hoity-toity-ness at bay
I don't want to be Special or Great. I just want to be Seen and Understood.
sometimes I feel like I'm missing some fire or edge because I'm not striving to stand out.
I relate to this a lot, I feel like I disappoint a lot of people because they expect more from me than they get.
I'd like to point out that there are "special" people - their capacities for work are larger than their peers'. People are gifted talents in several aspects that can greatly accelerate events and we can acknowledge that without hurting a movement centered on the masses. There are people whose contributions to science, philosophy, industry, arts is unparalleled and progressive. What I think is important to note is that these "geniuses" are not rare, but them reaching their potential is rare, and which I think is what you mention in passing in the first paragraph. They stand on the shoulders of giants (or the shoulders of many normal-sized people?) and their exceptional work or their success is contingent on their capacity to do the work - how many potential geniuses lived and died without even being given a chance at an education? Their contribution should be seen in the context of the society that enabled that contribution, rather than meaningless veneration of them without acknowledging the basis on which they made their contribution.
I totally agree with you.
If you are unfamiliar with summoning salt whi got mentioned in the first paragraph, which is entirely fair because it's a niche of a niche, his YouTube videos are in alignment with what you're saying. They have titles like "the history of Super Mario 64 16 star speed runs." You're liable to have a breakout star in the videos based off of their unique personality or some amazing accomplishment that the have done. But it's also highlighting the people who discovered the glitches in the game, the people who made set ups to allow the glitch to be speed run viable, and their friends who were in the discord call when the WR happened.
The more I see in terms of what I focus on, the more that this dynamic shows up. You'll have somebody do something amazing with a bunch of tools made by others while they're talking about their lives with their friends.
This is so mysterious, like what if LeBron James just responded to my thread???
I don't need to be special. I don't strive to be world-ranked in anything. I'm totally fine with being good enough in my fields. With that said, there are things I want to do and create, but I mostly do these things for myself. For example, I create art for myself. It's cool, even great, if others like it, but my drive isn't to be some beloved or respected person.
I just want to do things and create things that I think are cool. If others enjoy them as well, that's a really nice bonus, but it's not my main goal.
TLDR I just want to make cool shit. Thats it. Thats my goal
I enjoy being around people with your attitude. I lack some of that creative spark sometimes. I have one artistic pursuit and it's writing. People who create, build, dream, and inspire make me happy. I don't dream, dream; I daydream.
I lack the "competitive spirit". I used to play sports a lot and was above average in the group I played I played with. While I think competition in sports can be and is generally healthy, I always saw it as an extension and normalisation of the zero-sum attitude that my capitalist neoliberal political economy is plagued with. India doing well in international cricket is always intricately tied to the self-worth of the nation while children beg on the streets. Competitive entrance exams to colleges after high school are seen as some sort of test of merit while the ratio of applicants to those who pass these exams is about 10:1. Meanwhile, job prospects are not guaranteed to be good for those who pass, and for those who don't pass the job prospects are pretty much non-existent. With the background of India's massive structural unemployment and underemployment problem, ten children are made to sit in cutthroat exams. 9 are then told that whatever misery befalls upon them is a result of their own inadequacy. This doesn't even take into account the innumberable children who do not get the opportunity to take these exams.
I just checked out of this shit. I am privileged because of which I have been able to. But this shit never seemed right to me even when I was a baby-brained child. Just watching colleagues trying to do numerous small dances to increase their job prospects and make their linkedin profile more attractive tires me.
I saw my friend get his PhD in math after being valedictorian in high school. Then I saw him struggle to find work. He lamented the way some people were just willing to study for more years than him. It was insane and eye opening for me. The decade of academic excellence after high school for such little benefit felt like evidence that my way of smelling the flowers wasn't so bad.
If those 9 students had even a little bit of faith put into them, they'd be entirely capable of building a city and flourishing because of it. That's always where my mind goes. You don't need a Harvard alumni to tell you why the MIC is actually good, you need to not systemically get in the way of people being so brilliant and capable. That breaks my heart
I relate to this a lot. It'd be nice to be acknowledged as being particularly good at something, but also I do not desire to be "special" and feel exactly how you do about "chosen one" protagonists. That shit is REACTIONARY
To be real it'd be enough if everyone didn't hate me or find me cringe
If I could offer you anything, perhaps an anecdote about my latest story? You see, there is a chosen one who goes to a more prestigious magic college than the MC. Sometimes the MC will read about him saving the city in the news before going off to talk to his friends about a hair brained scheme to get enough money to afford tuition. Eventually, they will cross paths and not get along. For one reason or another I have written down in a notebook somewhere they end up fighting. Winning the fight in a shocking and embarrassing way against this person who's perception is so heroic causes the MC to become infamous and notorious as the stakes get higher but the young adult continues to be ridiculous and silly.
Nah I wanna be the kind of person who does lots of really useful shit but nobody knows exists. Although I'm a bit weird and learned to live without praise cos nobody gave me any. To be acknowledged at all is very uncomfortable
I hope the work you do and the relationships you have are fulfilling. If nothing feels like it's missing then the praise will always be secondary to more important parts of your life.
https://redsails.org/stalin-and-ludwig/
As for myself, I am just a pupil of Lenin’s, and the aim of my life is to be a worthy pupil of his. The task to which I have devoted my life is the elevation of a different class — the working class. That task is not the consolidation of some “national” state, but of a socialist state, and that means an international state; and everything that strengthens that state helps to strengthen the entire international working class. If every step I take in my endeavor to elevate the working class and strengthen the socialist state of this class were not directed towards strengthening and improving the position of the working class, I should consider my life purposeless.
- Stalin
Stalin continues on to concisely explain every single difficult question that has been posed to a leftist in the last two years.
I used to stress a lot more about this when I was younger. Truth is even if you're exceptional in your field you will still be unknown in 30 years except to a handful of esoteric nerds. True greats are one in billions.
A lot of this stress went away when I had kids. Not saying it's true for everyone, but kids gave my life meaning.
If I had one wish it would be to never worry about money again. Unfortunately that's very hard to do in this world without exploiting others, so my lot in life is to work hard to provide for my family, and spend as much time at home as I can, and tending my plants.
