So I just had a rather breakthrough therapy session that's making me really question my sexual orientation. So far as I've always thought, I've been straight. I'm a guy currently married to a straight woman. I realized I have deep romantic feelings for a male friend of mine. But here's the thing, I've never felt this way about other guys. I've never looked at guys the same way I've looked at girls. Never felt the desire to watch gay porn. I had an opportunity to hook up with a guy once when I had a threesome with him and his girlfriend, but didn't want to. Yet when my friend came to visit recently, I felt a deep romantic, and even physical, attraction to him. Is it possible to be gay just for a single person?
Idk why but it wasn't easy for me to write this up. But figure I should start trying to figure this stuff out. I'm feeling really confused right now and could use some insight from my LGBTQ comrades.
Don't worry so much about putting a label on it. Even bisexuality is itself a spectrum. I'm bisexual but only interested in romantic relationships with women (heteroromantic). You can be a guy who is mostly straight but not totally.
I agree with this a lot, fuck labels. At a certain point they stop being useful tools for communication and start becoming things we limit ourselves with, boxes we stuff ourselves inside of which limit our conception of ourselves and what we want. Its why I say I'm pan, feels the least restrictive
I feel the same way about tendency labels, I want a better world and to destroy capitalism, and I'm looking to everywhere I can to learn and obtain the tools I need to assist in getting there.
I'd go so far as to claim that "straight" and "gay" are asymptotes to the sexuality spectrum. You can get arbitrarily close, but no one on the planet is truly 100% either straight or gay.
While the Kinsey scale isn't exactly comprehensive, it might give you some better ways of thinking about it. I think a lot of people don't exist within the binaries.
Though it also gets complicated with the differences between romantic and sexual attraction. Take for example, a hetero-romantic bisexual, who may be sexually attracted to (and likely enjoys sex with) same-sex partners, but finds relationships much more enjoyable with the opposite sex.
At that point at least for myself, I start wondering if gender/sex matters to me at all, or if its simply the level of personal connection to the person, and whether I've come to terms with my being that way.
Honestly, I need to read more current LGBTQ literature, I get a lot of second-hand.
At that point at least for myself, I start wondering if gender matters to me at all, or if its simply the level of personal connection to the person.
This is usually considered the main difference between bisexual and pansexual, so you could say you're pan.
Yeah and I guess that's something I really haven't explored, as I'm in a committed relationship at the moment. Maybe I can do some reading and see if I can get some clues that way.
I spent most of my youth flipping between identifying as straight and bi. This was because I falsely thougt that being bi meant being attracted to men and women in the same way and amount, which definitely isn't the case for me.
In the end all the ways in which we categorize human sexuality are just simple models of a much more complex system. The categorization is definitely useful for understanding yourself, but you should not feel limited by it.
On the Kinsey scale, 1 is described as "Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual". That sounds about right for you. Like, technically bi, but 95% hetero or something.
I don't know if it helps you at all and it's mostly my brainfart but my completely uneducated take that i came up by myself by observing humans is that humans can be attracted sexually to others completely regardless of gender and the normalization of heterosexuality just made a huge fucking mess.
Oof. I can feel your confusion from here. But it’s okay! Based on what you’ve said, maybe you can call yourself Straight+? Straight, but with a very rare attraction to a dude every once in a while. Not ideal, but I don’t know if I’d label someone like you as bisexual. At least not right now. There’s no need to put any labels on yourself at all. You’re married and, I assume, monogamous? If you’re not actually interested in pursuing this man, it’s probably just a crush you’ll get over eventually. The heart wants what the heart wants, man. You’re attracted to who you’re attracted to.
It might take you some time to work through it and you’ll turn it over in your mind a lot, but this is an opportunity for you to learn more about yourself and live a more enriched life because of it. Also, maybe talk to your wife about it? Good luck, comrade.
I think you might just love your friend. I'm some kind of bi, but I have strong feelings for a friend of mine that are semi-romantic and semi-sexual, but don't cross into the realm of me actually wanting to be her partner; I just want to remain close with her and have some physical intimacy, which works out pretty well.
Hey, welcome to the club. I only came 'out' to myself as bi when I was in a committed, monogamous relationship. Hell, I still spend a lot of time wondering what that means, if anything.
It's possible to feel feelings for anyone - I know I have a sexual attraction to men, but due to some past abuse can't trust them for shit and couldn't imagine being in a relationship with one (never had male friends, etc.)
Don't stress so much on the label, or on what it means. Don't ignore it, by any means, I found identifying as at least 'not-straight' did wonders for my therapy and my outlook in life. Just don't get bogged down on a specific term and let yourself be yourself.
I've had this with a few male friends but not very strongly and the attraction was barely physical at all
