SALUTE

I have barely watched Breaking Bad

07 flag-trans-pride 07

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Let's have another good week everyone lets-fucking-go trans-ferret

  • ashinadash [she/her]
    ·
    3 months ago

    Okay, I'm like, I can give a shit if anything matters but bro is so booooring ooooooooooooooh

    Door 1 is cute but noticeably poorer written since it was a demo released years before the rest of the VN

    Okay well I guess I'm fallin for the meme again, I'll at least try to make it through Door 2 probably. I got more Fallow to enjoy and blub over first but I'll get back to it. I wanna give it a little more of chance I suppose, some things I would have dropped forever already but the initial rec was good so I'm like, okay a little more, fine. I have a low tolerance for hets but Idk who knows.

    maddened She is notably pale and hides from the sun wtf!

    it would be very worth it because you are a smallish nerd with bad social skills who I care for and like and would be happy to see.

    crush no

    Awesome lesgo!!

    Ohhhhhhhh, I see, I see. Makes me wonder if I have introspection to do, regarding getting kicked out and moved around, huh. The realtionship stuff though, woah:

    I worry about whether the hypothetical partner would be put off by it or unable to go at my pace for some reason.

    Anyone who is or can't is a bastard imo. I only t4t obviously but aside my one stupid shitty ex, I've never had problems with anyone being good about my dysphoria, my wife has been very good with me but generally while I get this fear I think it's unfounded, and anyone who is not willing to move at your speed and work with you on dysphoria is not someone you should be dating, imo. We should kill those people will hammers instead, probably.

    and while I enjoyed it in the moment I also would often say things that in retrospect I wasn't as comfortable with as I thought because I wanted to please her, and I'm also scared about me doing that in a more serious situation that would fuck me up.

    bocchi-cry Wow uh that feels really bad, yeah. I know I had to learn a LOT about how to express what I do and don't want, for a long time I was like that too, bad craic, so I feel you there. I will say though, being "too intense and emotional" is cool actually, I recommend it. Not like emotional regulation has ever been an option anyway honestly.

    Generally though meow-hug yea, I understand completely why you feel that way and it's good progress to understand it fully. This is the less fun working-out-your-feelings but it's obviously important as fuck, and it usually makes future connections a lot better, has done for me. Ty for sharing all of that, I really felt a lot of it ngl.

    • 🎀 Seryph (She/Her)@lemmygrad.ml
      ·
      3 months ago

      Please don't fall for the meme, if you aren't enjoying it just drop it. If you absolutely must then just outright skip door 2, I won't blame you if you do. But like every relationship in the VN is het, they're all a big focus of every tragedy, and I'm still not convinced you'd enjoy the transy parts since they're clearly written by a cis person in that sort of suffer focus way as I'd warned you a bit before.

      It's called albinism it's a real thing. But no the reason I found it funny is that I thought the same thing when I first saw the game's art then I went a few hours wondering "where vampire?" Before realising there are, in fact, no vampires in The House of Fata Morgana

      Yes

      Show care

      More clarifications

      I don't know if that would be the case, maybe it is. But for me I moved around a lot earlier and still often in the 'this will definitely fuck you up' age range. Like genuinely moved provinces/country 5 times by the time I was 10 type fucked.

      You're right, yeah, and I don't really think I'd reach that sort of relationship with anyone like that anyways, but I'm just worried I guess about getting vulnerable enough to do it only for it to be awful and terrible and all the feelings that'll come with navigating that with someone.

      What's weird to me is I often am fine at expressing my wants and don't wants, but then I'll go back on it and do something I'm not totally okay with because I feel like I should. Like one example with my ex was she had a mommy kink. I find those kinda uncomfortable, partly since I feel there's an inherent ageplay to it, and also partly on account of my own relationship with my mother. So I expressed that and she was fine with me not indulging it, but then dumbass that I was while we were falling asleep on call I decided to indulge it a bit to test if I was really as uncomfortable as I thought and to help her sleep. And while I didn't feel uncomfortable in the moment it just, stuck with me, and the discomfort grew as that time went on.

      I suppose it is, yeah. A lot of people I care for are like that. So why should I be unlovable for it? I was being silly and dumb. Silly Sery. (I might still worry a little but honestly this bit did help me with that, thank you. I just had to process it weirdly through humour.)

      Thank you for reading it, I really appreciate it :meow-hug:

      • ashinadash [she/her]
        ·
        3 months ago

        aubrey-sad What the fuck this sucks, whatever I guess Idc anymore. Blegh this is lame now I'm double disappointed somehow. VNs are reactionary I have decided!!!!! Fuck emmmmm!!!!!!! aubrey-rage-cry

        Okay I know what albinism is but the text keeps playing up like she's gonna do something evil and dastardly. It does seem like a vampire game tbf... Hmm....

        yeeee

        Okay yeah no, probably not for me, I've been in the same state my entirr life. Tons of moving around but I dunno who knows, probably fine. It blows that they moved you around so much though, that's fucked.

        just worried I guess about getting vulnerable enough to do it only for it to be awful and terrible

        Yeah understandably y'know, that would absolutely not be any fucking fun. It's worth being cautious I guess, I would be in your shoes too in all likelihood. Hopefully you can find someone who is worth being vulnerable with sometime, tho.

        kel-what Oh wow okay, huh that's a little more troublesome. Um, don't do that!! To be fair though she probably should have said like, Hey, you said you were uncomfortable with this, you sure it's fine? instead of just idly accepting it, Idk. Not very cool :/

        Certified Silly Moment!!!! It can be hard to deal with but I think it's probably better than the opposite extreme at least, the never expressing anything. Sure as fuck doesn't make you or anyone else unlovable! (Yw, happy to help ✨)

        No prob and thanks again for sharing, it's good stuff cat-trans

        • 🎀 Seryph (She/Her)@lemmygrad.ml
          ·
          3 months ago

          Noo there are plenty of gay commie VNs like... Uh.... Fuck

          I'm not going to spoil what happens as much as I want to. The VN does have vampire vibes but it isn't a vampire VN.

          bit more

          I mean it depends, did you keep the same social group during those moves? The trauma is more about breaking and reforming social groups to my understanding rather than actual distance. With that said, there's a reason I don't count the 4 moves this year, there's a difference between a move and a move and my experience is mostly with the latter.

          I hope so too.

          Yeah I mentioned it to my best friend and their reaction was basically "Sery don't fucking mess with kinks you're not 100% comfortable with it isn't healthy and it will impact you even if you think it won't." And you and they are both right it isn't and it did. Big whoops on my part. I guess my ex should've instead of just asking if I meant it when I said it didn't seem as bad as I expected, huh.

          But what if I wanna be more like miss literally me from the evil orange book??? Clearly I should bottle it all up and forget my estrogen too while I'm at it.

          • ashinadash [she/her]
            ·
            3 months ago

            smuglord C'mon, they don't even really make gay VNs....

            madeline-bruh fuckin dumb fuckin visual navel shit

            woo!

            Uh, moving after elementary school caused me to lose a friend group and then suffer through middle and high school, but not really I guess. Mostly I guess all the moves just badly upset my sense of permanence, made me weird about stuff and places. Really angry and shitty about it.

            I believe u can meow-hug

            knight-nod They're right yaknow!!! That shit can fuck you up, it's not good!! I wouldn't blame yourself, like it's bad to do but I 1000% see why you did it. Shoutouts to me participating in my ex's small pp humilation kink for a sec, which was an entire thing, blegh. Yes though, see if my wife expressed not being into something and then did it anyway, I'd be concerned. If voidgoblin wife then said "haha it wasn't as bad as I expected" then madeline-shock all fuckin everything is stopping, we are having a serious discussion about what we want. Your ex had a responsibility imo to ask you more about that, seriously that's sucky.

            Nooooooooooo Maria Griffiths is a bad role model, look what I did aubrey-cry-2 Do not become an estrogenless ball of sadness and trauma pls!

            • 🎀 Seryph (She/Her)@lemmygrad.ml
              ·
              3 months ago

              (They actually do make gay vns I just haven't read any)

              spoiler

              After elementary isn't quite as bad but it's still shitty and could've been a problem. It's worth exploring imo, if only to get more confident in your assessment of that part of your life.

              Thank u :meow-hug:

              I guess I shouldn't blame myself, yeah. I just feel like it's a case of my inexperience making me bad at relationshipping.

              *removed externally hosted image* I'm sorry what. Actually please don't clarify I don't need to know. It sucks that she did that to you and I'm sure it wasn't your fault either :meow-hug:

              Is it really that concerning...?

              No, I will base my life off of the cool irresponsible trans woman who does drugs! :badeline-jokerfied:

              • ashinadash [she/her]
                ·
                3 months ago

                I bet they're cringe!! I bet they're all like bad yuri manga!!! emilie-smug

                spoiler

                agni-pain Nah I don't wanna think about school again, fuck that shit... uh death to amerikkka instead...

                meow-hug

                It could be that, but inexperience is also not your fault either. Absolutely not your fault, although I think it's worthy to note that it might be easier for young people to hurt eachother in relationships that way, not knowing better. Def some of that with me, which...

                basil-anxious-smile Yeah it was really epic, not the worst thing she did but like, man, y'know... But yes, I am pretty sure none of that shit was my fault. I was a stupid kid who didn't know anything either, but I def said I didn't want to and did not give enthusiastic consent more than enough times.

                Um I think it is, a lot of normos probably wouldn't fuss it and just do whatever feels good for them, but in a loving relationship where all parties give a shit... if there's even a whiff of less-than-enthusiastic-consent, discussion needs to happen imo. Especially because you said outright you weren't comfortable with it, and then "it wasn't as bad" big honkin red flag for discussion to happen. I think especially anyone into kink like that should be more aware.

                oooaaaaaaauhhh Heroin in a sock in the glove compartment time!

            • magi [null/void]M
              ·
              3 months ago

              That's why we have an equal partnership, enthusiastic consent is extremely important when we've both been through trauma.
              Lots of patience and care and open discussion along with respecting one another. Being very clear in what you want and don't. safe, sane, consentual are important rules to go by. comrade-raccoon