her,,, expolde
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<name>'s dark past
oh wow, this unlocked a core memory for me... i broke my arm in elementary school and i distinctly remember looking at it, feeling no pain, and then seeing the S shape it was in, and thinking to myself "I shouldn't walk like this, i should start screaming" (I was also really scared when I saw it). tbh i don't think my reaction here was actually indicative of a high pain tolerance, i think this is a pretty normal shock reaction w/ endorphins/adrenaline etc.
in the ambulance, apparently i told the techs that i wanted to die, and that ended up with the cops questioning my mom about abuse (i mean, they didn't abuse me physically or intentionally abuse me, but they truly were not equipped for how much trouble i was in 80 different ways and got 0 good advice for how to really treat me well)
...it was the day before my birthday, so I insisted they didn't keep me overnight (I think I got an n64 that year), so i just remember having a doctor set my arm while i was awake lmao i can't believe he actually did it. i remember thinking the nitrous oxide they gave me did nothing, but i was determined to go home.
actually this is a funny memory to me
sometimes it isn't all bad
Yeah part of my lower arm was under the upper forearm so I had to be put to sleep to have it put back and then a full arm cast. (which meant sleeping with my arm up in the air)
When it snapped I passed out straight away with the shock of the snap. When I came round to it I looked at it and went "oh I think that's fucked" lol I slipped in school down a hill and had to have it washed because it was covered in mud. But it only really started to hurt about 6ish hours in, think the adrenaline had worn off then and I'd then to wait a few more hours before they'd do the operation to get it sorted lol.
oh nooooo
I once planned on having surgery and finishing moving out on the same day once. Fortunately planned ahead and basically had everything done before the surgery (just had to strap a small mattress to the roof after). Didn't plan on general anesthetic, but they insisted (just had a pin removed from my collar bone). Fortunately they were really light on it, so I was awake and out the door quickly.
Next time I was in the ER, I got out of GA by mentioning my sleep apnea. Got ketamine instead. They just were trying to pull my wrist back into place. Didn't work (ended up having actual surgery to get a plate installed at a later date, which I definitely wanted to be asleep for that and the surgeon said the ER was wasting their time trying to fix it non-surgically).
Last two times I broke a bones enough to need surgery (collar bone and wrist), I'd have described the pain as a 0-2 on scale of 0-10. Both times, I was waiting on the side of the road for like an hour and think the adrenaline largely wore off during that. The wrist injury was funny because someone came running to me to check if I was okay with an obviously shocked reaction to my face (I scraped my chin a little), but I was worried like my nose was broke or something based on their reaction but he couldn't communicate properly because he was too shocked. Once I realized he was over-reacting to a little blood, I pulled my sleeve up to check my wrist and it was very obviously broke and I was like "this is the kind of thing I'm looking for" kinda bluntly.
whoa yeah pain tolerance is such an interesting topic - i know it's mentioned in some of the autism-specific books I read as well but I imagine even outside of ND people (not implying that you are or aren't ND of course) there's variation.
s3x
It is funny to me how much kink stuff comes up regularly in books I read about autism as soon as they start to intersect with queer works. I've always had a sense that queer communities had a closer relation to kink, but Devon Price (in Unmasking Autism) includes this quote (and I believe he talks about it in the first person as well):
(from Chapter 7. Cultivating Autistic Relationships)
I never thought about it in this light before - but there seems to be overlap here between queer, ND, and kink, and I think that that unique relationship to pain is at the center of it.