• LaGG_3 [he/him, comrade/them]
    ·
    1 month ago

    They're there to steal cum so that Chinese scientists can synthesize the DNA and create the world's most annoying person in a lab

  • booty [he/him]
    ·
    1 month ago

    All of them. They're all spies. Better stay away from them. (seriously pls stay away from them they shouldn't have to waste their time weeding out you racist fucks)

  • IHave69XiBucks@lemmygrad.ml
    ·
    1 month ago

    China pls send me handsome chinese men to "spy" on me by entering into a wholesome and loving relationship and building a life together. When his sleeper cell trigger is activated ill still support my king!

  • PKMKII [none/use name]
    ·
    1 month ago

    God that has to be the most LARPy, wannabe Burn After Reading sub imaginable

    • stink@lemmygrad.ml
      ·
      1 month ago

      These spies are definitely gonna seduce you James Bond style so they can... see your pivot tables with useless information

    • Belly_Beanis [he/him]
      ·
      1 month ago

      ....imagine caring about security but you post on r*ddit and use dating apps. Neither of those things are secure lmao (neither is Hexbear but I figure dorks on here know that).

  • FLAMING_AUBURN_LOCKS [she/her]
    ·
    1 month ago

    Chinese woman here! i sucked Matt Gaetz off so good that he told me the Floridian nuclear launch codes. I will be personally handing them to Xi Jinping and the Ayatollah at the next BRICS meeting

    • lil_tank [any, he/him]
      ·
      1 month ago

      Comrade you might need to take a break from the posting spree

      You've made three typos in this one

      • Frank [he/him, he/him]
        ·
        1 month ago

        Pffffft I have a new phone, the first smart phone I've ever owned without a keyboard. It is really taking the joy out of posting. : (

        I'm working on a solution but I'm low on resources right now and I can't get all the materials I need to fix the issue.

        • UlyssesT
          ·
          edit-2
          17 days ago

          deleted by creator

        • lil_tank [any, he/him]
          ·
          edit-2
          1 month ago

          Oh okay I understand! I still make typos on touchscreens all the time after years using them. I just got used to double checking to correct them. Too young to have ever owned a physical keyboard phone but I totally see why people miss them

        • Red_Eclipse [she/her]
          ·
          1 month ago

          I actually thought you might have been high on cold medicine again lmao

          • Belly_Beanis [he/him]
            ·
            1 month ago

            Can you still do that? I thought they banned codine except with a scrip.

            • Red_Eclipse [she/her]
              ·
              1 month ago

              Being sick and somewhat sedated by medicine is enough to be sort of "drunk" and make typos. :P

              But in terms of like, getting actually high, yeah you can't just get codeine but there's cough medicine that's like, pure DXM and people use it as a deliriant.

        • miz [any, any]
          ·
          edit-2
          1 month ago

          you may already know, but if you hold down for a keypress it should highlight the key and you can drag to adjust

            • miz [any, any]
              ·
              1 month ago

              instead of tapping at a touchscreen keyboard, press and hold and the key will pop up. if you drag it will move along the keyboard and you can release when the key you want is highlighted

              • Frank [he/him, he/him]
                ·
                1 month ago

                Oh, gotcha, swipe and gestures and stuff. I dislike that whole input system. It's excruciatingly slow. On a good day I can hit 50-60 wpm on my old blackberry keyboard.

      • GarbageShoot [he/him]
        ·
        1 month ago

        The typos were meant to be symbolic of the social and personal decay being observed

        in my headcanon

  • vegeta1 [he/him]
    ·
    1 month ago

    Mans will say this and act like they're not ridiculously propagandised. Genuinely what the fuck

  • CoolerOpposide [none/use name]
    ·
    1 month ago

    Guy who definitely gets laid: ”I am being surveilled on tinder by clandestine agents from the People’s Republic of China.”

    • CoolerOpposide [none/use name]
      ·
      edit-2
      1 month ago

      Imagining a guy who is stoked that he got his first match on tinder in weeks from a beautiful woman after sifting through all of the PRC agents trying to nab his security clearance, only to receive these messages consecutively:

      Heyyyy I’m bored what’s up

      Lol you’re so funny.

      Oh wait that reminds me, a lotta yall still dont get it

      ape holders can use multiple slurp juices on a single ape

      so if you have 1 astro ape and 3 slurp juices you can create 3 new apes

      Tonight's slurp juice mint event is essentially a minting event for both Lab Monkes and Special Forces

      [redeem-your-slurpjuicseshere.now.net/obviousscam]

    • Teekeeus
      ·
      edit-2
      25 days ago

      deleted by creator

  • darkmode [comrade/them]
    ·
    1 month ago

    Don’t worry fellas, I’ll do us all a solid and match with them, fall in love, then break their hearts so totally that they can no longer continue spying. God Bless Amerika :07:

  • UlyssesT
    ·
    edit-2
    17 days ago

    deleted by creator

  • GenderIsOpSec [she/her]
    ·
    1 month ago

    all of them bro, they'll seduce you and tie you to a bed and steal all your SEED VOLCEL POLICE HELP

    • VOLCEL_POLICE [it/its]B
      ·
      1 month ago

      Show

      The VOLCEL POLICE are on the scene! PLEASE KEEP YOUR VITAL ESSENCES TO YOURSELVES AT ALL TIMES.

      نحن شرطة VolCel.بناءا على تعليمات الهيئة لترويج لألعاب الفيديو و النهي عن الجنس نرجوا الإبتعاد عن أي أفكار جنسية و الحفاظ على حيواناتكم المنويَّة حتى يوم الحساب. اتقوا الله، إنك لا تراه لكنه يراك.

      volcel-police