• viva_la_juche [they/them, any]
      ·
      14 days ago

      I imagine it’s different for everyone but on a physical level, things can hurt in a pleasurable way, and also feeling something that feels good hits a lot harder after you’ve been feeling pain for awhile bc of the way human sensation is very relativistic

      Psychologically, I think there’s something to putting your trust in someone to have that kind of power over you even though as anyone will tell you the sub is/should be the one driving the scene. Some people who’ve unfortunately experienced SA say it allows them to take control over that situation and learn to process it.

      Idk paraphilias are weird

      • Verenata
        ·
        13 days ago

        Some people who’ve unfortunately experienced SA say it allows them to take control over that situation and learn to process it.

        doggirl-thumbsup

        I can't speak for everyone but this tracks with me. It like helps you learn to trust (im my case) men again at least within a controlled setting. Like you get to reclaim agency and practise having control of the situation again despite being tied up and slapped lmao. It's weird to explain 😖 i guess knowing you have total control to stop something when you say helps you reclaim agency that you thought you'd lost?

        But like also people (lol me again on my shit) assume it's all leather and straps and masks and stuff that I'm personally really not into but like no it's just various forms of control and a dom/sub dynamic. Which had to be explained to me lmao.

      • PKMKII [none/use name]
        ·
        13 days ago

        I’d also point out that the sub is in a unique position of having no responsibility over the situation but also is the focal point of the pleasure. This might sound counterintuitive to people who don’t partake, but a proper dom is putting the sub’s pleasure as the first priority (doms who treat BDSM as an excuse to have selfish, rough sex without concern for the sub are considered a blight on the scene.)

        It’s why there’s a trope of people in high power/high responsibility positions in their professional life are subs. They need to let someone else hold the reigns because for them, doing that just reminds them of work.

        • Verenata
          ·
          13 days ago

          but a proper dom is putting the sub’s pleasure as the first priority

          phoenix-objection-1phoenix-objection-2 objection

          The dom's first priority should be the subs safety. I've kb'd a dom for missing this.

        • viva_la_juche [they/them, any]
          ·
          13 days ago

          that’s true too. My current partner is mostly vanilla but she likes being tied up/doing shibari stuff sometimes for basically that kinda thing

      • Nakoichi [they/them]
        ·
        14 days ago

        Yeah my past girlfriend was really into BDSM for reasons you allude to here. Sadly almost every girl I have been with have told me about past instances of SA/SH.

        • viva_la_juche [they/them, any]
          ·
          14 days ago

          My ex was super into bdsm and adventurous sex and never had any experience with SA but I’ve had friends that were in that situation