I've been out to my friends for years but I had fears/brainworms about presenting that way at work. As a result, I kept everyone at arms length and was generally pretty cold and closed off to everyone, which made me a shitty communist. But I finally managed to overcome that and find a new job (just some temp warehouse work) with my preferred name and presentation, which I just started today!
So I come in with a batch of new hires, ready to turn over a new leaf and start socializing, and wouldn't you know it, there's a guy awkwardly hovering around me! Perfect! I know awkward hovering because I'm an awkward hoverer myself, clearly, he wants to be friends but is too shy - so I introduce myself, and we get assigned to similar areas and sit together on breaks. "Making friends is so much easier as a woman!" I thought, a fool.
This guy starts simping hard. Starts asking if I have a boyfriend, takes a big interest in all my hobbies, stuff like that, but the big kicker was he'd been talking about how much he'd prefer being on a different shift so I suggested he ask someone about it but then he's like, "But then I wouldn't get to see you." BRO. 
Also, he's 19, and I'm in my 30's. Ew 
I'm not sure if he's aware I'm trans or not, I usually assume people can tell but idk and it's not on some people's radar. Not sure which is worse.
Overall, I'm still happy about being able to present the way I want at work and I've been unemployed for a while so I'm glad to be making money and the job's not too hard. But as far as workplace socializing, I kinda feel like I just traded one problem for another 
Once I started presenting femm around my partners family, I started noticing his father stealing creepy glances at me and I was at once creeped out but also felt weirdly affirmed. Its hard to navigate it exactly and even if you know to expect it, you never know how situations like this will present.
Not calling it a good thing(been in similar positions, it absolutely sucks), but if it makes you feel any better, he sounds like a kid being a kid. Probably at one of our first real jobs, it's warehouse so probably expected a heavily male workforce, then here's this woman, our heart skips a beat, we go stupid.
Give him a bit of the "I'm not interested", a couple weeks to nurse the bruise on our overinflated-by-youth ego, and he'll probably forget he had a crush in the first place.
Outside of that, I hope everything goes well! I know depending on where you are, warehouse can be monotonous. Find what you can to keep your sanity.
Yeah, that's how I read it too. It's new territory for me but he seems harmless. Not overly bothered by it but, you know, would like him to stop trying to hump my leg.
If I was shitlib, I would say "Welcome to womanhood!" or some crap like that but honestly, encountering creepy/overbearing men definitely hits harder when you’re not used to it. Hope you can shut this whole thing down quickly enough.
There's a saying I've heard in another masc-heavy field but probably applies to all of them: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
He's 4 years short of the age/2 + 7 rule. He's fresh out of high school and can't buy liquor yet.
Yeah it's not illegal but it's way too much of an age gap for me.
True, but I think we can understand how she would feel that way, being in her 30s. I'm also in my 30s and would be most comfortable dating someone +- a few years my age, and wouldn't even consider a romantic relationship with someone under 21.
I'm also in my 30's and yeah.... even if you're super mature, have been in the workforce for years, have been financially independent for years and wowie wowzers we just have so much in common... anything below 21 would still make me feel like a creep even if it's legal.
Age gap relationships are fine, I'm in one right now, but there need to be hard personal limits set. Dating teenagers is an immediate no from me.
I remember being 19, I was not an adult in the same way a 30 something year old is.
im not 30 yet but 19 is wayyy too young for me. first year of college? 23-24 is kinda my line of Real Adult tbh, undergrads have a very limited life experience/maturity level in comparison. not sure about this one.
I'm probably painting a target on my back by commenting but I find the tie to secondary education really weird; is the situation different (worse?) if they don't go to college?
This is not some kind of weird troll or whatever but a sincere ask, because not every life path involves going to College and getting that Real Life Experience, so I genuinely want to understand.
My experience with undergrad was that most of my classmates were living away from their parents for the first time and their parents were paying for their school. So it's a situation with almost total freedom and very little responsibility. Not exactly real life experience.
Kids that I've known that were out on their own even at 16 have had a unique demeanor. Probably they could be perceived as very mature for their age, but I think there was some real trauma, as well, and mostly at that age were (just like their college-educated counterparts) busy getting established as adults with careers and shit, even if they were having to do it the hard way.
All that to say yeah, a lot of college-educated folks view it through that lens, but in general the vast majority of the time a person isn't fully cooked at 22 either way.
Kids that I've known that were out on their own even at 16 have had a unique demeanor. Probably they could be perceived as very mature for their age, but I think there was some real trauma, as well,
Gang
although I'm not in love with "very mature for their age" sort of language...But yes, the idea that x years of college experience makes you 'officially an adult' or anything of the sort seems odd. Is it the student debt that does it?
no it's a fair question. I'm not trying to inherently tie it to that, just using it as an age ballpark based on my personal experience because most people in my country attend college as soon as they finish high school. I've simply never had to make a judgement like this with someone who wasn't in education. if someone didn't go to college my line would be the same... purely anecdotally I went on a date with a 20yo when I was 23 and decided I would never do that again... wasn't a morality thing! we just had very little in common. and I'm older now.
it's not the college that makes the difference, it's just being Not A Highschooler for a few years in my view. obviously there's no numerical line we can point at, all I really wanted to say is that I think, at least given our current sociological environment, 19 is too young to be dating a 30yo. someone who dodged college would be getting presumably just as rich of an expanded life experience (probably more so in plenty of cases), my point is just that at 19 I think most folks are basically still a high schooler and very socially stunted. I just think a bit of a "learning actual independence" grace period is needed after high school, not saying it should be mandated by law just that's the way I see it. a couple of years.
once 20s hit things change, fwiw I was just stating my personal view of who I would date there, not trying to say the age of consent should be 24 lol. "real adult" was meant to be tongue in cheek but it may have come across wrong. I should have been more clear about that, and also that it wasn't the education at all that was the key factor, just the few years of escape from high school/true independence.
so yeah, sorry if I was like, painting everyone with the broad brush of having gone to college, that was a little narrow-minded, I was just using it as a catchall for age demos but I probably shouldn't do that. i also can acknowledge I have some Catholic brainworms on this issue broadly that I probably should try to work out before seriously discussing it in future. raising the age of consent is probably regressive in some ways in reality and I don't advocate for it... but I also think until capitalism goes in the trash can and our social structures and mores get some revolutionary overhauls, it's a challenging topic to approach and discuss in a revolutionary mindset. hope that makes sense. +sorry it's kinda a jumbled mess of thoughts.
purely anecdotally I went on a date with a 20yo when I was 23 and decided I would never do that again... wasn't a morality thing! we just had very little in common.
Well fair play, albeit I can't imagine that small an age difference making the difference. Although I often had little in common with people around my age so Idk.Otherwise I find this pretty agreeable as a view, the focus on learning actual independence and not being a highschooler, yeah. Your bit about "someone who dodged college would be getting presumably just as rich of an expanded life experience" actually makes me wonder if going to college in the normative, american sense, (as in everything paid for etc etc) lets people kind of keep being sorta highschool students for a few years, and put off that actual independence and "adulthood"...
not trying to say the age of consent should be 24
I actually do wonder if that's a consensus people have come to, honestly, and if so I have very mixed opinions about that but can kind of see the argument, I think. It seems like a lot of people do feel this.
Otherwise no need to clarify, ty for replying & sorry if I came off as weird. It's a pretty thorny subject, I just wanted to know about the framing you used but this is a very considered mess of jumbled thoughts, so thank you again ✨
i also can acknowledge I have some Catholic brainworms on this issue broadly that I probably should try to work out before seriously discussing it in future.
Oh that doesn't sound fun, hope it's not hard when you do :|
raising the age of consent is probably regressive in some ways in reality and I don't advocate for it... but I also think until capitalism goes in the trash can and our social structures and mores get some revolutionary overhauls, it's a challenging topic to approach and discuss in a revolutionary mindset.
Yeah I mean, so much of what can make age gaps problematic is financial and living situation related right? Obvs not all of it but capitalism does play into it a lot. Which, this sucks :|
Was it productive to say this? I can't really imagine saying this in response to the OP who is mainly just expressing personal discomfort afaict. And in a work situation...
happy for you that you're presenting as your new self, and sorry that this happened so soon!
