I’m honestly very lonely. This year has been personally insane. All of my long standing relationships, which there weren’t many people I’m close to, have gone to shit in the shittiest possible way. My best friend for seven years bullied another friend for simply being homeless, I dropped her, so she tried to get me evicted and was unsuccessful because lol it was some peak Karen shit. That friend experiencing homelessness due to disability began experiencing delusions that I was trying to poison him so I could turn him into a slave (this is related to his disability - he experiences delusions like this), and my ex turned best friend just let me know that he was actually in love with someone else the entire time he was with me and is with her now so I can’t be around. My mother actually fucked my little brothers best friend. She also abused me pretty severely growing up and I thought I had gotten to a point where I could have a different sort of relationship with her. Now I can’t even look at her, let alone talk to her. For the record, she’s still married to my dad and he definitely does not know, she has known my little brothers friend since he was in kindergarten... KINDERGARTEN. He is 19 now. I don’t really care if that’s me being a prude or whatever, this isn’t cool with me.
So I’m honestly just posting here because this entire fucking year is like the wildest shit I’ve ever experienced and you guys are literally the only fucking people I have. I’m not lying. Like I don’t really know what else to do. I would post this in mental health but I’m actually pretty numb to it when I want to be. I also don’t really know what to expect from this year. I don’t think I will have anyone as cases go up and I have to be alone. But thank god for cats. At least I have a very sweet kitty cat.
damn that's a hell of a year even by 2020 standards, I'm sorry people have been behaving in really fucked up ways to/around you, that's hard to deal with and really sucks a lot :/ hope things look up for you soon, comrade <3
fwiw, definitely agree that your mom fucking your little bro's best friend is extremely fucked up given she's known him since he was like 5, that's a really messed up power dynamic, especially since it's not like a 19 year old is established enough of an adult to be on relatively equal footing with someone in their mid-late 40s/50s/60s. yikes.
Thanks. I think the hardest thing is coming to terms about my mom. Thank you for validating me. This is a mindfuck for me because she severely physically, emotionally and verbally abused me as a kid. Hell I’m 27 years old now and I can’t even get access to my birth certificate, social security card or passport unless I go through her. It’s all very bizarre and gross and I don’t know exactly how to get out of this. So I tried to form a new type of relationship with her and then I find this out. I probably should get back into my hobbies. I like writing and painting. I’m not as good at painting but it’s very calming and writing is what I’m better at.
That so much to be going through at once. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with all of this. I’m happy you have a companion and are able to enjoy your time with your kitty. I don’t know all the dynamics of what your mom did, but she could have been grooming your brothers friend and that’s predatory behavior and crossing a line with your brother that should never be crossed. You’re not a prude for not being cool with it
Are you seeing a therapist or any way you could see one? If you search around you maybe be able to find a clinic that would help if you don’t have healthcare. I know it’s helped me a ton. And I’m really good at being numb to my problems. But every time I get out of my session with my counselor I feel I little better and a little less numb to my life.
Yeah I see a therapist. I have for years. And he’s great, I feel like it took a long time to find a good one. Therapy has been affected by COVID but I’m learning to adapt. I just found out about my mom and about my ex this week so both are just things that I get an hour to talk about every week. Which is honestly something to be grateful for, especially now.
If you ever want to talk let me know. It doesn’t really matter how fucked up it is tbh because at this point that specific friend I mentioned first doesn’t matter to me like that because it was fucked up what she did and I don’t need that in my life. Definitely not. But that was still a friend and it’s fucked up to lose a friend. It hurts. It’s fucked up to lose people. And MOST especially to lose that shit right now of all times. Sorry I’m buzzed and I hope I am making sense.
I’m honestly very lonely. This year has been personally insane. All of my long standing relationships, which there weren’t many people I’m close to, have gone to shit in the shittiest possible way. My best friend for seven years bullied another friend for simply being homeless, I dropped her, so she tried to get me evicted and was unsuccessful because lol it was some peak Karen shit. That friend experiencing homelessness due to disability began experiencing delusions that I was trying to poison him so I could turn him into a slave (this is related to his disability - he experiences delusions like this), and my ex turned best friend just let me know that he was actually in love with someone else the entire time he was with me and is with her now so I can’t be around. My mother actually fucked my little brothers best friend. She also abused me pretty severely growing up and I thought I had gotten to a point where I could have a different sort of relationship with her. Now I can’t even look at her, let alone talk to her. For the record, she’s still married to my dad and he definitely does not know, she has known my little brothers friend since he was in kindergarten... KINDERGARTEN. He is 19 now. I don’t really care if that’s me being a prude or whatever, this isn’t cool with me.
So I’m honestly just posting here because this entire fucking year is like the wildest shit I’ve ever experienced and you guys are literally the only fucking people I have. I’m not lying. Like I don’t really know what else to do. I would post this in mental health but I’m actually pretty numb to it when I want to be. I also don’t really know what to expect from this year. I don’t think I will have anyone as cases go up and I have to be alone. But thank god for cats. At least I have a very sweet kitty cat.
damn that's a hell of a year even by 2020 standards, I'm sorry people have been behaving in really fucked up ways to/around you, that's hard to deal with and really sucks a lot :/ hope things look up for you soon, comrade <3
fwiw, definitely agree that your mom fucking your little bro's best friend is extremely fucked up given she's known him since he was like 5, that's a really messed up power dynamic, especially since it's not like a 19 year old is established enough of an adult to be on relatively equal footing with someone in their mid-late 40s/50s/60s. yikes.
Thanks. I think the hardest thing is coming to terms about my mom. Thank you for validating me. This is a mindfuck for me because she severely physically, emotionally and verbally abused me as a kid. Hell I’m 27 years old now and I can’t even get access to my birth certificate, social security card or passport unless I go through her. It’s all very bizarre and gross and I don’t know exactly how to get out of this. So I tried to form a new type of relationship with her and then I find this out. I probably should get back into my hobbies. I like writing and painting. I’m not as good at painting but it’s very calming and writing is what I’m better at.
wow, that's really fucked up. i'm sorry comrade, i hope things will improve for you.
Thank you. I hope so too. I really love this place. I love all of you. I know this is a safe place.
That so much to be going through at once. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with all of this. I’m happy you have a companion and are able to enjoy your time with your kitty. I don’t know all the dynamics of what your mom did, but she could have been grooming your brothers friend and that’s predatory behavior and crossing a line with your brother that should never be crossed. You’re not a prude for not being cool with it
Are you seeing a therapist or any way you could see one? If you search around you maybe be able to find a clinic that would help if you don’t have healthcare. I know it’s helped me a ton. And I’m really good at being numb to my problems. But every time I get out of my session with my counselor I feel I little better and a little less numb to my life.
Yeah I see a therapist. I have for years. And he’s great, I feel like it took a long time to find a good one. Therapy has been affected by COVID but I’m learning to adapt. I just found out about my mom and about my ex this week so both are just things that I get an hour to talk about every week. Which is honestly something to be grateful for, especially now.
Nothing but solidarity. Relationships are tough at the best of times.
Sending you good vibes/karma/prayers, to you and your loved ones.
Solidarity, forever.
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If you ever want to talk let me know. It doesn’t really matter how fucked up it is tbh because at this point that specific friend I mentioned first doesn’t matter to me like that because it was fucked up what she did and I don’t need that in my life. Definitely not. But that was still a friend and it’s fucked up to lose a friend. It hurts. It’s fucked up to lose people. And MOST especially to lose that shit right now of all times. Sorry I’m buzzed and I hope I am making sense.