CW: transphobia-lite(?)

She's so caught up in my "case" being such an outlier that there must be "something else" going on. She says she never noticed anything in me as a child that would point to gender dysphoria, and that since I was a fairly strong-willed child I would have let someone know. She's also linked to reputable-seeming studies about mean age of first experiencing gender dysphoria in trans youth, which peg it around 4-7 years old.

And she's right. I never had any gender dysphoria as a child, not really, and I still don't even see myself as a "girl stuck in a guy's body". I consider myself a guy who wants to become a girl, not because being a guy is so horrible, but because being a girl seems very nice.

My therapist tells me this is valid, that people have their different experiences of being trans, but my mom is so caught up in this data she's found.

Another thing—she's adamantly against me doing HRT due to the risks of estrogen and trauma from her breast cancer. I've since found data claiming that breast cancer risk in trans women on HRT is higher than for cis men, but lower than cis women, so unless she thinks my sister ought to take estrogen blockers there's no reasonable worry there.

All this culminates in her saying that she can't bear to live with me if I choose to go on HRT. She's not kicking me out, but she wants us to live separately. Problem is we're both jobless which makes getting approved for two new apartments difficult.

Needless to say this all sucks. Before I broached the topic last year I never would have expected this kind of reaction from her. I just don't see why it has to be such a scary thing for her. Every time I try to talk to her about it I'm filled with the doubt that radiates from her in waves. I do want to move out on my own but financially it's not the best move.

Idk what I'm asking for here. Data or anecdotes about realizing you're trans later in life would be nice? Warm fuzzy feelings from internet people? I dunno

  • nemmybun [she/her, sae/saer]
    ·
    1 year ago

    I'm sorry your mom is being difficult. I agree with doing stealth HRT. You shouldn't have to put your goals on hold because someone who holds power over you objects to how you want to live it.

    Me, I was a late bloomer and only figured it out at a very ancient 30. There were signs in my case but I was bullied into repression by shitty family and I ended up drinking a lot in my 20s to repress harder instead of deal with it properly. I only ended up dealing with it because I had a breakdown and couldn't avoid it anymore.

    I didn't think I had dysphoria before I started transitioning but after experiencing gender validation and euphoria often enough I was able to look back with a new lens and suddenly I felt like my life was nothing but dysphoria. Not that it's required to have dysphoria to be trans, but in my case, I did have it and couldn't recognize the shape of it until I was able to change how I looked at it.