Back again with these threads! For all the new folks, this is a safe space to tell us about anything cool you have going on, anything you want to vent about, and everything in between.
Remember, you are loved 
Things have been up and down for me. In a glum mood today. Been hanging out with someone new, and that's been nice, I'm just not sure if I really want to keep it up. Home life is....fine, I guess. Still living with my ex, they're gonna give things until the end of the year to see if their career picks up any, and if not, they'll move home. That said, they've been talking about that for years, so I'll believe it when I see it. They broke down and finally yelled at me for the first time a few nights ago, so I silently carved a pumpkin and then just stayed over with the person I've been seeing. As nice as the couch I live on is, it was nice to sleep in a bed for a night or two this past week.
Job front is slow moving, but I had a promising interview last Wednesday. Was supposed to hear back Thurday afternoon or Friday, but even with a followup email I sent, no reply. Fingers crossed I guess.
I deleted a few of my dating apps, still have a small amount installed. A Maoist actually hollered at me this morning and wants to take me to an arcade. Not sure I have the energy though. Other people are asking me for dates, but I'm just...not replying. I should go do that now so I don't leave them hanging.
On a brighter note, 9 day tour coming up in 2 weeks, so that's cool! Without giving away too much (y'all know my band anyways and have seen my face), I'll be going around the midwest. We've been doing well on selling merch the past few months, so that money should be sufficient to cover the tour. Also, we'll have a roadie for the first time!
I'll end it here I guess. Hope all my comrades are well, and I love you! 
don't have any friends. haven't had IRL people to hang out with for about 17 years when I was still in high-school.
tired of being completely passed up on dating sites because I am boring and can't make an "intersting" dating site profile because no life/hobbies. idc if it's real relationship to a fling or FWB or whatever, I'd take anything, but I've never had anything at all and I'm 33 fuckin years old
there is nowhere to even go if I had the money or ability to get there. I don't have a car and it takes me 30 minutes to walk to the nearest anything -- and those anythings are just a handful of grocery stores and fastfood places, and I hate to say it, but I'm not going to make friends by trying to strike up conversations in the line to pay for groceries all day.
wasting the prime years of my life trapped in this shitty suburb-without-a-city, trapped in small basement suite where I have to live with an abusive grandparent, and unable to even get a girlfriend or do anything with my fucking life besides wonder when I will be forced to get a job at fucking McDonald's again
don't see much reason to not kill myself, even though I don't feel bad enough to actually do that (yet). but I don't see any other future happening for me. the only thing I have to potentially look forward to is the small chance that I will be able to get on disability for mental-illness like next year maybe (if at all).
I would offer to hang out with you, but I don't think we live near each other. I wish you success with disability and I really do hope you find something to live for.
It's a provincial program (Canada), not an insurance thing, so lawyers can't help me. Just need to jump through 3,000 hoops to convince a doctor to sign off on some paper work and hope that the Ministry of Human Repression will approve my claim.
Did well today. Got groceries. Got my pills. And a comrade was nice enough to gift me a grubhub gift card. And I hung out with Mr. Softie.
I hate my job and I'm really lonely.
On the bright side I've been trying to be more...I dunno, present in my town? E.g. i went to a cafe and made brief small talk with the barista. Did the same with the person at the bookstore. I'm trying to hide myself less. Tired of spending all my non-work time in my room or walking by myself. I want to have spots I go to regularly. We'll see if it pays off
(cw) Not well. Probably going to fail the class I was taking. Sucks. I barely even tried. I hate being an adult. I do well, except when I have to actually function and be "productive". Fuck me. Oh, and the sh urges are back. Fuck I'm pathetic. I feel like I'm drowning.
For something positive, one of my snakes has started eating again so I'll be able to keep it. The long hunger strike really scared me, I thought I was going to have to get rid of her too.
Glad the snake is doing well!
I sort of self sabotaged my last job, admittedly. If you ever wanna chat, feel free to message. Please be kind to yourself
Yay for tour! Boo for living with ex's! Yay for interviews! Boo for lack of energy to hang with people! I hope the tour is soooo good
I would totally do the dating app thing but just for friends then flake on literally every person I talked to...it sucked and I felt horrible every time but it's so hard to person for me nowadays.
I still have covid and am even more contagious now than I was four days ago even though I'm much less sick feeling. I'm very pissed about this because I'm missing this band tonight and it's like the first time I've wanted to go to a show in a while. That said I'm looking for movie recommendations while I'm caged up.
My housemate went on a camping trip and it's so nice to not have to be stuck in my room laying in bed (literally) for 5 days straight. I can't wait til he moves out, I cannot stand living with the majority of people now and he is no exception.
That said all this inside time from being extremely depressed and now sick is making me very excited to finally go outside and ride my bike and get back into going to shows...we will see if that happens lol
Hope you feel better soon comrade! Hope you feel better soon!
Do you have any sorts of movies you're looking for?
Nothing in particular, I'm kind of all over the place with my taste. Some films I love are Rushmore, Breakfast Club, Goodfellas, Perfect Blue, Hereditary, Friday the 13th, The Fugitive...weird and corny is kinda the theme but I'll watch most thing besides fucking Marvel movies
If you're interested in horror movies, I can make a ton of recs.
Beyond that.....uhhh.....shit, I haven't seen much recently that is coming to mind.
Fuckin love horror movies! Especially 70's 80's, but of course. I usually try to watch one a night all through October until they start infiltrating my dreams
Oh nooo! Yeah, they certainly aren't for everyone. Especially newer ones, special effects and CG stuff has come so far that a lot of the gore has become unsettling to me. I think that's why I really like 70's- early 90's horror; it's easier to separate from reality but even then movies like Hellraiser are fucked up. My dad had me watching horror movies and going to haunted houses at a really inappropriately young age so I think I developed an affinity that way...But it has also fucked me up immeasurably lol I get so scared being alone at night. What kinds of films do you like?
Yeah.
The, err, recent film The Color Out Of Space, based off of Lovecraft's work, was good, don't get me wrong... but intense!
I mean, yeesh! I got a sinking feeling after watching it.
It's funny because I love horror games and horror settings in RPGs.
Aw man that movie was so good! Nicolas Cage is such a freak he made it that much scarier.
That is interesting about the videogames, do you have any idea why those are easier for you to engage with? That it's just computer graphics? I haven't played any horror games but I think they would scare me more than horror movies, I was hella scared to play Silent Hill when it came out
I'm with you there. I can handle ANY horror movie you throw at me, I've seen all the most extreme shit. Don't ask me to play Silent Hill though unless you're gonna sit there with me.
I'm doing that 31 movies for October thing too! Except I started in August.
Do you have Shudder? A lot of the stuff I'd recommend is there. Some really fun ones that come to me off the top of my head:
Nomads - Pierce Brosnan vs Ghost Punks
Possession (1981) - a bleak look at a failing marriage. Won't say more, but it's a pretty heavy watch, as great as it is.
Hell House LLC - a haunted house company fixes up an abandoned hotel to turn it into a Halloween attraction. Hilarity ensues.
Time of Moulting - Introverted child grows up with an obsession with her family's old butchering tools. Psychological.
Honey, You Wouldn't Believe It - a group of friends sneak away for a fishing trip. Turns out the mob was hanging around the pond too, and are being hunted by a mysterious warrior with superhuman strength. Light hearted and fun af.
What Josiah Saw - a fractured family reuintes at their farm. CW for this one moreso than usual, for
spoiler
incest
Noonday Witch - a rare daytime horror movie about a widowed mother and her child adopting to their new life on their own.
The Endless - there's a cult that fucks with time loops.
Dang all of those sound awesome and pretty unique; must add to my letterboxd. Do you have a list that you've made up of movies or do you just wing it? I might try to do the Scarecrow challenge, I've never done that before
What is that challenge?
And nah, I was just winging that list. It's not in any particular order either, just as they came.
I've seen a few people I know do it for several years; I guess Scarecrow Video is located in Seattle and they release a list of movie prompts for October to try and find. Looks like this is this year's list
Oh cool! Thanks! Giving it a quick glance, a lot of answers to these 'riddles' are comign to mind.
I was actually able to find Nomads on tubi, and I'm already digging it with the 80's guitar in the first two minutes. seems juuuust up my alley
Thank you, it's all good. There will be other great bands! Going to shows just used to be suuuuch a huge part of my life and moving/getting older has made it harder and harder and I'm getting a lot of FOMO
i got fired on some bullshit and i got a headache probably from caffeine withdrawal and i don't really know what i'm doin with my stupid life. grouchy.
I remembered being paid to poke someone with a stick every time I saw them open up social media. They eventually finished their honours.
I didn't recognise that emoji and thought "prison isn't an addiction, I think"
Same rules apply possibly though?
EDIT: Get the people's stick
Hii corgi!!
This is my first time posting in one of these threads but I always read them and the love, solidarity, and support never fails to be refreshing.
cw: drug use
The few last months have been pretty bleak for me. Lost my job, apartment, car, and most hope lol. Have kinda been on a drug binge for the last few days. The fun is running out and coming off of this shit over the next few days will probably be hell. And I have a drug test in a week for a new job. I think I can still pass, though, cuz everything I've been doing are research chems. Well, hopefully cuz I really need money lol.
I really don't see a future where things will be okay for me. It's okay though, I'm just along for the ride at this point. Maybe some capitalist will give me money for my projects at some point lol. Right now, still working, slowly, on my programming language. I am trying to create a kind of "dialectical logical" programming language where development of the state of the program is driven by relations and contradictions between objects in the program. I'll make a post about it sometime when it's in a presentable state.
I hope you have a great tour! Getting really sleepy, gonna log off soon
Hey comrade, I've had my bouts with those research chems, including a 10 year phenibut habit. If you ever wanna talk, I'm here.
Good luck with the job! Hope it works out!
Sending love
I got rejected in a really awful way at the start of the week. It left me feeling this unhinged excess energy all week (early on I felt like I wanted to jump out of my skin). I managed to put all that weird energy towards productive things. But some of those productive things included ramping up my workout routine, so now I have even more energy??
I keep looking back at what I've done this week and thinking "That was only two days ago?" / "I did that?" / "Wow I handled that incredibly well."
So... feel mildly bad, way too much energy, making good decisions and being responsible. IDK. It's a weird vibe.
Doing good.
As embarrassing as it is...
I tried to go to a UAW protest but couldn't because it was too far away and no comrade can take me.
I have, err, driving anxiety.
Comrade, right there with you. Not looking forwards to driving on tour, but I did it last year going through NYC, so I know I can.
I just hate doing it and being behind the wheel gets my heart racing.
Don't beat yourself up over missing the protest. There will be more
I have, err, driving anxiety.
Samee.
I hate cars and hate driving so much. Don't feel bad about it, it actually is a pretty dangerous and stressful way to get around. It's just been normalized.
No offense to comrades that like cars, just the nearly complete reliance on them in the US and Canada
Yeah, I don't mind cars per se, but I'd prefer a train... if I could use one to get to where I need to go...
Sigh
Anyway...
Trains > Cars
Every time.
The usual: stress, depression, anxiety, getting better at working with/understanding my AuDHD. Lots and lots of crying and sleepless nights lately. Those are probably more intertwined than I realized before now. Always seems to be. I dipped out of work after two hours today because I just didn't have it in me to face customers all day. Agonized over and procrastinated on some simple 3D Design class assignments before knocking them out in a few hours no problem. The anxiety over getting started on things and perfectionism hold me back, but being held accountable to a curriculum has done a lot to help me get past them. At a certain point I just have to make a dracula bed and a chair out of triangles and desk that I straight copied from one I used to use and call it a night.
Trying to cut myself more slack, remind myself that people read my composure as confidence, that my coworkers find me interesting because of some of the weird things I've done for school or work, that people are impressed by the fact that I'm writing anything at all and speak a tiny bit of Spanish, etc. People do seem to like me more often than not these days. Hell, even my acting class seems to like me, and I'm basically playing Metaverse Jeffrey Epstein being interrogated by the internet police for my scene with my assigned partner. (Play is The Nether by Jennifer Haley, pretty uncomfortable but the teacher encouraged me to do it because she thought it'd be interesting and I have a good villainous voice/presence being a big guy with a booming voice. I'm being interrogated and insisting I have rights, and no you can't have my server, and it's all adults doing RP and I'm doing everyone a favor with my creepy VR Chat server for libertarians because what if I was out on the street like a Discord admin)
Also reinstalled the dating apps but am treating them like slot machines at this point. Maybe a non-flakey person will pop out. But probably not.
Glad to hear you're trying to be kind to yourself. Hope you're able to get some rest and find peace
Not well in a way that reflects the greater crisis of masculine friendship and the demise of third places.
Working for one month now at the wastewater reclamation plant after 10 years in email jobs. Needed a change. Dirty nasty hard work but learning skills. Yeah, I went to college lol. Also not a profit driven model and it's public good. Gotta work for the family so pushing thru. They should pay these folks more for real. Talk about essential, if this place shut down an entire County would be knee-deep in poop. Thanks for checking in
That's the part I can't even see. A lot of tampon applicators actually. I don't know why they are flushing them. There are larger items sometimes. Such as butt plugs.
Admirable. Had a similar experience to you, but eventually just gave up when the jobs I could land didn't pay enough to renew all the different certifications under my belt. Maybe this spring I'll try again.
The certifications are what I'm after. Already got a couple. Looking forward to learning how to weld
