Pride’s over everyone! It’s now illegal to be gay again.

  • ashinadash [she/her, comrade/them]
    ·
    edit-2
    3 days ago

    Can I stop dreaming about my ex right fuckin now? She was doing an infinite money glitch on an ATM, every dream I have with her in it sucks. lea-why

    Is there a special reason I was both lucky enough to transition young and cursed enough to have to do it with my first girlfriend, who would turn out to be abusive (in many ways) and also a neurotypical normal leave my brain you utter sludge, I do not owe you my identity

    • ashinadash [she/her, comrade/them]
      ·
      3 days ago
      weird, horrifying, nsfw
      seriously your eyes will forever hate you, tmi shit

      Shouts to my ex also for sexually traumatising me, I'm still working through that almost ten years later. Kids shouldn't even be allowed to have sex honestly, whose fucking idea was that?

      It's pretty annoying because sex is actually pretty cool, it can be fun even with various sensory issues, but my apparent default reaction is for my brain to just disconnect and leave my body limp and unmoving. Still got the instinct to be somebody's fucktoy, but not in the cool fun way. It's that initial hurdle that's hardest to get over, like my brain just tries its hardest to reject all the input it's getting and plays music instinctually. Why? Do not fucking distract me.

      Just recently I've had real success overcoming this and being present instead, but holy fuck did it ever exhaust my brain, it was worse than overstimulation I was so tired. I'm still really galled that I have to painfully drag myself through all of this trauma that was inflicted on me by an uncaring ex a decade ago when we were teenagers, but at least I'm capable of it.

      I did not remember that maybe cutting down my cypro dose might raise my sex drive a bit, but it did and that's what this is all about. Time and becoming none biney do seem to have helped a lot, and I feel a lot more clarity about what I do and don't want, like it's tough but I think things are going well.

        • ashinadash [she/her, comrade/them]
          ·
          3 days ago

          No worries and thank you meow-hug It's just one of those things, I was never taught about consent so I only really had the gumption to say "no" when the relationship was over. Kids need sex ed honestly.

          • BountifulEggnog [she/her, they/them]
            ·
            3 days ago

            I'm sure it is, and yes they really do. I was told nothing past the biologic facts, and I worry how many other people were given the same information and nothing else.

            Hope you're able to say no now at least meow-hug

    • TerminalEncounter [she/her]
      ·
      3 days ago

      I dreamt about my ex every night for about 6 months. I haven't dreamt about them for 7 months now. Eventually, you will stop dreaming about your ex. There is no shortcut.

      • ashinadash [she/her, comrade/them]
        ·
        3 days ago

        It's been three years since I last saw her, which annoys the fuck outta me angery and actually she's only entered my dreams semi recently, Idk what the fuck that's about but again I hate it!

        The only "unresolved" feelings I have about her are that she's a filthy neurotypical and never really loved or even liked me, she just barely tolerated my autism. I have no desire for her to be in my life.