alright gang, we need another win over the news mega this week! keep those numbers up and keep being trans as hell 
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Genderfluid in the sense that inside of me there are two wolves and one of them has been having an existential crisis for most of the past 10 days and doesn't really care about gender that much right now as a result and the other really wants to be more feminine and gets most of the joy and dysphoria from that... and also there's like two dead wolves over on the side don't worry about that
<-- me right now
No joke I feel like I've introspected about this for like a hundred hours at this point
I've been doing this for like a year
😨
We'll get through it
I get that, like my egg cracked a year ago and questions of gender and identity will still leave me stumped. I guess with the two wolves thing it's two clashing ideas of gender causing a sort of cognitive dissonance that feels stressful and disorienting. Really I think it may be something for you to figure on your own but I will say that not everything fits neatly into it's own little box and sometimes things really are just weird and contradictory.
I'm just waiting for my phase shift so I can do self-observation in my other state. I think I've thought about it enough like this. You could definitely say the cognitive dissonance has been both stressful and disorienting though! (Literal pain and nausea lmao). Anyway! Thanks. 🙂
No problem! I hope all goes well
Real. I debate things forever without much progress, when suddenly an epiphanying state comes on and I temporarily get to [think I] know things.
Probably got to know the wolves pretty well.
No not really that's part of the issue lol my autobiographical memory isn't great
Oh fun. Journaling helps me, but I also forget a lot what it feels like to have the beliefs of my various states. I tend to take one of the positions’ sides at a time and forget the other, but it’s still there to return to. Does that sound righter? Idk why I’m assuming we’re the same, but I debated for a few minutes what to say in my initial comment and settled on something short but wrong. It takes a lot to get to know my wolves, and it’s still hard to remember the one I don’t relate in a given moment.
Oh yeah, I've started a diary w/ photos to help. Forgetting what it feels like to be a given state in a different state sounds right but I need a bit more observational data I think. I don't think I'm schizotypal (edit: wait I think I might have misunderstood you), but I do think you're on the right track and it's more than just fluid gender that's causing this distress.
Are you like this with other things? I’m a quite contradictory person prone to internal debate, but fortunately it’s more about how to transition than what gender I feel like, idk.
Well, my demeanor and manner of speech/typing can be all over the place. Sometimes I'm good at not saying things, and other times they slip out (no alcohol involved) and I'll be like damn why did I say that (sometimes it'll take a day or week or longer). So I guess you could say I have mood swings. I'll also have pretty long periods of time where I might be dissociating. I'm not sure. I used to think I was just tired but after having a really bad dissociative episode two Thursdays ago I now realize I might have gotten that wrong... Sometimes I can get really passionate about something and then lose all interest in it and then sometimes regain interest. Um that might be an autism thing though. Or maybe not, cause special interests are supposed to be a bit more long term... My political interests are pretty stable and evolve at a pretty natural rate, I think. The books, movies, shows, etc. that I like are pretty stable.
I don't know what the baseline is for any of this shit. I tried to ask my therapist what normal memory is like and she dodged the question.
I think I’m concentrating my overexplanations too much. Do I want to get those numbers up or not?
In order to avoid the common error of overestimating the similarity of others, I will say I have a tendency to over narrativize maybe schizotypally in spite of the difficulty of relating to my past self.