alright gang, we need another win over the news mega this week! keep those numbers up and keep being trans as hell cat-trans meow-knife-trans cat-trans

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      • Mousy [they/them, love/loves]
        ·
        5 months ago

        I get that, like my egg cracked a year ago and questions of gender and identity will still leave me stumped. I guess with the two wolves thing it's two clashing ideas of gender causing a sort of cognitive dissonance that feels stressful and disorienting. Really I think it may be something for you to figure on your own but I will say that not everything fits neatly into it's own little box and sometimes things really are just weird and contradictory.

        • iridaniotter [she/her, she/her]
          ·
          edit-2
          5 months ago

          I'm just waiting for my phase shift so I can do self-observation in my other state. I think I've thought about it enough like this. You could definitely say the cognitive dissonance has been both stressful and disorienting though! (Literal pain and nausea lmao). Anyway! Thanks. 🙂

          • QueerCommie [she/her, fae/faer]
            ·
            5 months ago

            Oh fun. Journaling helps me, but I also forget a lot what it feels like to have the beliefs of my various states. I tend to take one of the positions’ sides at a time and forget the other, but it’s still there to return to. Does that sound righter? Idk why I’m assuming we’re the same, but I debated for a few minutes what to say in my initial comment and settled on something short but wrong. It takes a lot to get to know my wolves, and it’s still hard to remember the one I don’t relate in a given moment.

            • iridaniotter [she/her, she/her]
              ·
              edit-2
              5 months ago

              Oh yeah, I've started a diary w/ photos to help. Forgetting what it feels like to be a given state in a different state sounds right but I need a bit more observational data I think. I don't think I'm schizotypal (edit: wait I think I might have misunderstood you), but I do think you're on the right track and it's more than just fluid gender that's causing this distress.

              • QueerCommie [she/her, fae/faer]
                ·
                5 months ago

                Are you like this with other things? I’m a quite contradictory person prone to internal debate, but fortunately it’s more about how to transition than what gender I feel like, idk.

                • iridaniotter [she/her, she/her]
                  ·
                  edit-2
                  5 months ago

                  Well, my demeanor and manner of speech/typing can be all over the place. Sometimes I'm good at not saying things, and other times they slip out (no alcohol involved) and I'll be like damn why did I say that (sometimes it'll take a day or week or longer). So I guess you could say I have mood swings. I'll also have pretty long periods of time where I might be dissociating. I'm not sure. I used to think I was just tired but after having a really bad dissociative episode two Thursdays ago I now realize I might have gotten that wrong... Sometimes I can get really passionate about something and then lose all interest in it and then sometimes regain interest. Um that might be an autism thing though. Or maybe not, cause special interests are supposed to be a bit more long term... My political interests are pretty stable and evolve at a pretty natural rate, I think. The books, movies, shows, etc. that I like are pretty stable. shrug-outta-hecks I don't know what the baseline is for any of this shit. I tried to ask my therapist what normal memory is like and she dodged the question.

                  • QueerCommie [she/her, fae/faer]
                    ·
                    edit-2
                    5 months ago

                    That’s all insanely relatable (though my dissociation is mild as far as I can tell). I’m not going to even bother going down the message because I could’ve written most of it. I don’t want to diagnose you across the internet but I personally ascribe “it” mostly to ADHD, but maybe cyclothymia.

                    Edit: I avoid being forgetful by anxiously thinking the same things over and over again until I can get them out or down on paper or done. There’s only so much I can do this for tho, so I’m still somewhat forgetful.

          • QueerCommie [she/her, fae/faer]
            ·
            5 months ago

            In order to avoid the common error of overestimating the similarity of others, I will say I have a tendency to over narrativize maybe schizotypally in spite of the difficulty of relating to my past self.