SALUTE
I have barely watched Breaking Bad
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Let's have another good week everyone 
just a bunch of freaking out
Dearest eggy nog, don't take uh funny drugs? I'm setting a bad example, I know various medications can help people's mood stabilise but this adjustment period is a roller coaster right now. I feel weeeird.
I didn't realize you were feeling funny from your meds, I thought you were just generally wishing to feel normal and not dealing with mental health issues.
But I have been prescribed funny drugs in the past. I am currently not taking anything if that makes you feel better.
It only makes me feel better if it's good for you, y'know.
I didn't mean to imply you weren't. Hope the adjustment period is short. I feel like I didn't like adjusting to new meds.
I mean you just said not to take funny drugs while we were talking about prescriptions? But idk, I don't remember a change when I stopped. Now I just want E, the funniest of all drugs.
No worries, didn't think so, mb. Adjusting to new meds sucks, I hope it's short too.
E is not funny, E is Serious Business!! But I guess it's just, know what you're taking and how it's gonna go, yaknow Idk. I wasn't sure what takes you had on like SSRIs or mood stabilisers or anything. Estrogen fucks though.
anxiety
I've had some form of sometimes crippling anxiety since I was a teenager. I've been avoiding funny drugs for like half a decade now, I think.
Have you done any therapy? It's been mostly unhelpful for me a lot of the time, but I feel like this year, it's really helped me with some breakthroughs.
anxious!
Given how silly gabapentin is that might be the right approach. Idk, will keep the mega posted.
Uh no, should I? For anxiety on the internet? Can I fix it that way?
therapy
People have different experiences with therapy. Some jump between therapists like people jump between drugs. Some find a lot of success whereas others don't find it useful. Overall, it's positive in my opinion. And there aren't side effects like drugs.
For social anxiety, there isn't a chemical trigger in your brain that is causing you to be anxious. What I mean is, there's (VERY probably) no chemical or neurological reason that causes you to panic in these specific situations. More likely, it's probably related to patterns of thought and trained responses to these situations. Thinking patterns can be changed and trained responses can be retrained. So, I think it has the potential to be very helpful for you.
therapy
I want one of those uh, leftist trans autistic therapists people talk about having. That would be rad. I guess if it's accessible, I've never ever been clear on how to get it.
That's funny wording because I can practically feel my brain releasing the bad chemicals when it happens... But yeah, I dunno where I really got this response set. It's recent I'm certain, and probably comes from when I realised that because I am autistic, there is at any given time several potential layers of subtextual meaning or social connotations running under a conversation, and because I cannot understand them I have no idea when I'm putting my foot in my mouth. Oh my god that still fucks me up, I just do my best not to think about it. Social dynamics is the mind killer!!!! THE MIND KILLER!!!!
I would like it if someone cool helped me therapy that out tbh.
more
Yeah, but I worded it that way because I think it's important to acknowledge. The research shows that we feel things like anxiety and depression for a variety of factors, including physical/chemical, but it's rarely one singular thing. Like, most people are prescribed SSRIs with the expectation that they will get off them one day; however, it's really difficult to treat the non-physical factors (are you neurodiverse in a hellish and hostile culture... Uh... We don't have anything for that), so people stay on them for much longer than they want.
I was 100% convinced that I had an adrenal disorder because I would feel electrical shocks shooting through my body at the slightest triggers. I was also convinced that it was being caused by stomach inflammation and other stuff.
Turns out it was mostly my mind manifesting these things in my body. I know it feels like your brain is working against you sometimes, but the truth is these issues are really complex and are very very rarely entirely physical.
Now, I don't know how these things interact with autism, but I'm sure it's a factor in how you perceive social situations. But that doesn't mean they can't be recontextualized.
I wish I could help you find one. Truth is, I just got lucky and got a referral through a friend. I bet with a little research, you can find queer friendly therapists in your area.
More even than that
I see I see, I think I get what you're sayin yeah. I didn't think was exclusively physical so that's good to know, although I want to stop FEELING IT whenever my brain shoots bad chemicals in me :>
I think autism is the entire reason I have anxiety. When I got my diagnosis (from a doctor who was like someone's overly nosy grandmother), the things I described to her were just the same way I process being autistic in social interactions now. Fucked up.
Okay Imma bug my doc, ty
I'm stealing that image, it hits too close to home 😞
boccih
Yeah maybe it's good? Idk?
Gods, I know exactly how fucking bad anxiety can be. That shit is terrible. Seriously. I've had health anxiety for going on 10 years now and it crippled the hell out of me for 4 of those years. In fact, I don't remember most of 2015 because of it. It's most certainly not cured nor will it probably ever be, but it did become mostly manageable at some point in 2020 (somehow). Just keep fighting. You'll get there someday. Seriously. Just do whatever you can to help yourself with it. Be it some form of prescription med or therapy or whatever. Hang in there, Ash
Haha, YEAAAAAAH
Fwiw the reason for this exciting freakout is, I was told to take gabapentin before bed. I took it a bit before, and this is probably why I was told to: goofy moodswing. Shouldn't be more freakouts in my life!
Would be cool for it to not suck someday, I mean it mostly doesn't suck now but A) I suck at talking B) biweekly anxious breakdowns are unfun!
You'll get there. Stay strong. It's a very long, arduous fight, but you're probably stronger than I ever was, so I believe in you.
Moood
It's going better now though =)