Fanart is by Syurii22.
Toyosatomimi no Miko is a character in the Touhou Project series introduced in its 13th installment, Ten Desires.
Miko was once Prince Shoutoku, a Japanese leader in the 600s known for promoting Buddhism and streamlining the Japanese government. In the Touhou lore, she was visited by Taoist hermit Seiga Kaku, who had heard about Miko’s longing for immortality. Seiga introduced her to Taoism, but she rejected it as a religion unfit for placating an entire country. She was intrigued by its promise of immortality, however, and privately converted to it, advocating for Buddhism to keep Japan stable. After drinking an “immortality elixir” (mercury sulfide), however, she was forced to let go of her body and become a supernatural hermit like Seiga, notably taking on the form of a woman, making her a canonically trans character (
).
After convincing a hermit from a rival clan (Mononobe no Futo) to sleep without decaying, Miko followed in suit, waiting for a time where a Taoist Japan would revive her in search of guidance. However, Buddhist monks were able to keep her mausoleum sealed, and the legends surrounding her were slowly brushed off- which led to her transportation into Gensokyo, where the folklore of old is a reality of everyday life.
When she awoke in Gensokyo, it was right after Buddhist monk Byakuren Hijiri opened her own temple, however, leading to a surge of divine spirits across the realm, setting up the events of Ten Desires.
What look like headphones on her are canonically earmuffs- Shoutoku was allegedly able to discern between ten questions asked at once, an ability carried by Miko (although with her enhanced abilities, she can also analyze each person and determine their inner desires (thus the title of the game))- although it means her hearing is highly sensitive and has to be muffled to prevent pain.
Join our public Matrix server! https://matrix.to/#/#tracha:chapo.chat
As a reminder, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
Unless I have some epiphany later that completely shakes me, I'm pretty sure I've reached the conclusion that I'm a trans woman regardless of what I do transition wise. A few nights ago I looked in the mirror and instead of saying to myself "Huh yeah I still look like a dude and maybe I'm okay with that?" like I usually do, I said to myself "I don't care what I look like. That's a woman right there." And I think something clicked inside me. It's like I can't even doubt myself if I try to, which is weird for me as someone who has difficulty trusting my emotions in general already. That's why I think I'll probably be back to doubting again, though it feels so great to be as sure as I feel right now.
I can't really describe why I feel nervous about HRT. It probably has a lot to do with my aversion to brain chancing drugs. I don't even drink coffee because the idea of juicing my brain up with caffeine makes me nervous. I'm not sure why.
Feeling hesistant before any step in transition is completely normal. HRT can feel like a big step, but you're definitely lucky to be feminizing because there will be plenty of time for you to evaluate how you feel as you take it. I can't guarantee it, but I can definitely see you being one of the trans women on here in 4 months wishing HRT worked faster and asking how much longer for boob growth lol
I bet not being able to trust your emotions and how you're feeling is probably a response to a lifetime of dysphoria - starting from before you ever knew that was a word or that it could apply to you. A lot of us had the emotional equivalent of a big gob of vaseline over our proverbial introspective lenses because of how hare dealing with dysphoria can be. If you choose to take E, and it sounds like you will, you might notice these layers of mistrust and depersonalization come off. That's how it worked for me anyway, the more E the more I was able to feel how I felt and name those emotions and process them. Before for me it was just like incoherent background rage, intense anxiety or temporary quiet nothing.
Haha have I been on here long enough to get read like that?
See, I don't think I would really classify myself as having dysphoria. Maybe I'm wrong and have a misunderstanding of that that's like. It doesn't really feel like I have problems classifying my emotions necessarily, but a feeling that I'm always an actor in all of my social situations, to the point where it's hard for me to determine where the boundary is between my real emotions and the ones I'm displaying because I feel it makes sense to. I can't determine that boundary for myself, so I have a general mistrust of my emotions in general.
Different people use dysphoria slightly differently, but a common and broad definition includes things depersonalization/derealization caused by the mismatch of your physical body or social gender and your internal gender. It doesn't need to be things like hating having the body of a guy or having a strong urge to cut parts off or suicidal thoughts.
I have a hard time looking in the mirror and recognizing that the person I see is actually me, but I always assumed it was because I have a weird philosophical obsession with the existence of the mind and how I shouldn't be conscious if I'm simply matter. It feels like I relate to so much dysphoria stuff that I read but always have some other reason for the experiences. Like even if I was completely cis, would I not still feel detached from my body if I still can't conceptually wrap my head around the fact that I can experience the world to begin with? I guess what I'm saying is a lot of the dysphoria "symptoms" I read about and relate to don't really feel gender related to me, but maybe I just don't understand my mental state that well.
I always had excuses as well why not to even consider things could be gender related. A significant part of the disassociation stopped not long after trying out HRT, so thinking it might have been gender related.
Still not exactly what I want from it, but seems like a fun thing to try (if not for the whole social stigma thing and violent fascists) regardless.