I attended an event at my high school, and seeing people do things I used to do makes me feel a sense of nostalgia and simultaneously regret. I never thought I would feel like this, but the note that goes on the more I regret not transitioning earlier. I had most of the mental pieces I needed when I was in school, and I just wasn't able to get past certain mental blocks, or bring myself to care. I feel nostalgia, not entirely for what happened, but for what could have been, what I could have done, how much I could have lived. Instead I made my way through school mostly as a husk going through the motions, mistaking getting better at doing that for living.

I already came to terms with all of this, and I understand that things happen a certain way, and my life might have been different if I transitioned earlier. I could never resist thinking about alternate history, but now I do it for myself as well.