K (189?–?) Soviet pioneer. From Kazan, Tartarstan, USSR, K was diagnosed as a ‘transvestite’ in 1937.
She was given permission by the People’s Court to wear female clothing, her identity papers were changed to her female name, and her name was removed from the military recruitment rolls.
She was featured in a 1957 gynaecology textbook.
M.G. Serdiukov. Sudebnaia ginekologiia I sudebnoi akusherstvo. Moscow: Meditsina 1957: 47-8.
Dan Healey. Homosexual Desire in Revolutionary Russia: The Regulation of Sexual and Gender Dissent. Chicago and London: The University of Chicago Press, 2001: fig 24.
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hi, does anyone wanna make the mega in the upcoming weeks? if so, reply to this post and i'll add you to the list!
the list as it stands:
Zvyozdochka (11/4 - 11/10) oscardejarjayes* (11/11 - 11/17) HelltakerHomosexual* (11/18 - 11/24) GayTuckerCarlson* (11/25 - 12/1) Luna* (12/2 - 12/8) Eco* (12/9 - 12/15) EstraDoll (3/2 - 3/8) * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters
Hey comrades just some food for thought:
Previous megathreads have had the date structure of Nov 12 to Nov. 19 or similar, where as we now have what may look spiffy, it is read by a text to speech generator as ten twenty eight to onehundred and thirteen.
so while its not only in a date format that's backwards to people outside usa, its also potentially real confusing for people with limited vision
i think for archival purposes as well, itd be good to standardise this, the previous Month, XXth was a good compromise (I'd also favour including the year)
I guess this impacts the date structure in the above comment too.
probably a discussion to be had on the matrix, for people who are more actively doing the work
Probably a good idea for the future, and you make a very good point about adding the year for archival purposes. Even if not standardized, I'll make sure to add the year on my next mega
can i make a very far off in advance request for the week of march 2-9 of 2025?
Hell yes. This is so wholesome and powerful. 
Love my trans comrades.
i'm telling myself i'll get my room clean by this week which really means it will be clean by about mid february of next year so probably?
it's gonna take maybe 2 hours total, just do one little thing a day and you'll have it done in like a week or so. i want to build bionicles and piss everyone off by calling them bakugans
I fail to see how going through my collection of smutty romance and pulpy sci-fi would help
Great I fucking did it again and now I'll have to stare at it all week, just like last week 😔
would anyone here be interested in collaborating on cryptpad to write up a "Why Hexbear?" blurb for trans people for the sidebar? i know a couple people that are trying to hook hexbear into more trans spaces and having a central doc they can point to when people ask why they should switch to hexbear might be useful
would be especially helpful if you found hexbear useful for your transition and wanted to talk about it to more people
join this matrix address if youre interested : https://matrix.to/#/!fYvKJEPbxrfVxxHRPn:matrix.org?via=matrix.org we'll be using it for general propaganda activities i think
·7 hours agoI tried joining, but I get an error that I am not invited to this room.
https://matrix.to/#/!fYvKJEPbxrfVxxHRPn:matrix.org?via=matrix.org join this address made it just for this
Homosexual Desire in Revolutionary Russia
Well... if I were to ever do one of those "self publish e-book slop on Amazon" things... I've got a title for the series.
Very glad that I finally found the time to do this, had a lot of fun with this one. I think at this point I'm gonna give up even trying to have these be vaguely regular occurrences since it seems like I just can't do them when I have schoolwork the same week, but when I have a nice open slot of time I love to throw them together.
I'm scared that I might not be cis and in denial. I tell myself it's just me feeling like I don't want to / can't live up to the standards of masculinity, that my genitals specifically don't give me dysphoria so I cant be trans , but maybe I'm just scared of adding more complications to my life of adding another form of discrimination I'll get to have , that I feel like I'll never find anyone and presenting myself another way will make it 100x harder . Why do I cry if I even begin to imagine myself looking feminine , I just want to close my eyes and have them not open.
I would consider myself pretty binary trans, but tbh I don’t have much desire to get rid of my dick.
I wouldn’t say I don’t have any dsyohoria about it, but it’s pretty negligible.Other posters have hit on this already but you don't have to be the version of trans person you see and hear about everywhere in order to be trans. The trans experience is exactly as diverse as the number of trans people there are. You don't have to fit in some box.
Just a few months ago I was right where you are now. "If I can get by as a cis person why the hell would I make things so much harder on myself? I don't look at myself in the mirror and want to throw up, so I'm probably not trans anyway."
But when it comes down to it, you only get one life, and the question a trans person has to ask themselves is would you rather spend that life letting other people define who you are, or be the happiest version of yourself you can be?
To me the answer was not at all obvious at first. What if I'm not happy enough to justify the hate I'm going to bring on myself? But there's so many ways you can safely experiment to see how you feel. You don't have to decide you're trans first before you can experiment. I highly recommend playing around a bit just to see how it makes you feel. You lose nothing just by playing around.
my genitals specifically don't give me dysphoria so I cant be trans
Plenty of trans people do not feel gential dysphoria. Honestly, as TerminalEncounter said, it's about doing what makes you happy. It's not permanent either, if you don't like it, you can always go back. This includes most effects of HRT as well.
I know the standard media story is very hard for trans people and all, but I swear to god for me being trans is mostly about a lot of intense joy and euphoria
Yeah the grief in my life does NOT stem from my transness, that has been a source of joy and discovery for me.
we love to hear it!!!!!! Today it is joy for me, but I admit it took me a long time to get there
Don’t get me wrong, there were and are so many fucking challenges with my transness. I still struggle with a way forward in my life, but my transness makes that challenge feel significantly more attainable. Funny how unapologetically being my own queer self will do that for me, hehe
Makes sense :) I understand what you mean now and I agree, so much of my life would not be possible without transitioning
Right? Like before transitioning, I didn’t think I would make it this far. A lot of my issues now are often coming up to the consequences of that line of thinking, lmao
Sounds like a positive thing, then? I felt the same way, spent a really long time undervaluing myself before and after, and only recently am I starting to see how capable I am.
Try painting your toe nails and wearing some panties under boy clothes! See how you feel! Anything you do you can undo, there's some stuff that's not easy to reverse like being on HRT for a few years (feminizing hrt takes a while to kick in, if you wanna be a girl I bet you'll be one of the ones complaining your boobs aren't growing in 4 months on E lol) - but you can pick up and later put down pretty much anything and only keep what makes you happy.
me's weird morning, CW anxiety, drugs
So I was sick the past few days. I ate some stuff that made me feel weird, and it kinda broke my digestive system. Meal planning fail. We banned that recipe, don't worry.
I've also been really stressed the past few days. To the point where I have been having nightmares where I'd wake up in a panic - one of them was even about a time I was in middle school and went to sit down with my friends for lunch and they all got up and walked away after I sat down - classic... lots of causes for this anxiety that I won't list here, but I have to do some big changes at work soon and it's been eating me how to accomplish that is a big one.
Last night I didn't sleep very well (just like the nights before), and when I woke up again today and felt my stomach just hurting again (this is probably eating food too heavy last night) I knew I had to call in sick. So I did, decided to watch someone play both Zelda CDi games (lol, you have to bomb the boulders ten times, fucking classic, gets 'em every time, tbh I think I like Wand of Gamelon better it feels more like a world than Faces of Evil).
But Partner suggested I try this CBD gummy thing since he takes them to help him sleep when he starts to get insomnic phases. 25mg. Usually it doesn't do anything for me at all, so I just kinda wrote it off. Plus, it's not psychoactive anyway (CBD isn't supposed to be), but I was desperate and I trust him.
At some point after taking it, my tummy stopped hurting (I'm relatively sure this was made way worse by anxiety), and I started to relax a bit?? Then I finally was really tired. Eventually I slept and had three dreams that would normally hugely provoke anxiety (if you're curious, 1. Having a difficult conversation with my boss, 2. wasps being anywhere near me, 3. being in a crowded public place with people looking at me, also with my mom, this last one was great, I was kinda just proud of who I was??) but was totally zen. I woke up feeling the long-coveted feeling of "no matter what happens in the future, I will be okay." fuck how do I get like this all the time, fuck anxiety tbh lol
Chat, for a good few hours I had no anxiety. I didn't realize how bad it had built up recently, but for a few hours it was completely gone. I had some bad experiences with THC recently, and like I said the CBD shit never really does anything for me usually as far as I knew, but today I am glad for the funny plant.
Or maybe it was watching the vids, idk, lol. End post
update: being able to take a break from anxiety is so good for emotional processing holy shit I was finally able to put to words some stuff ive been unable to for a bit now
Looking at myself in the work meeting video call and can’t stop thinking about how much better I’d look with some eyeshadow 🤔
I just scheduled my first hair appointment under my girl name and she/her pronouns.
I've always hated getting my haircut, so I'm more than a little anxious about going. The salon is queer friendly, but it still took like an hour to work up the courage to schedule it. They even ask for pronouns in the booking interface.
My boss came back from a somatic experiencing thing and I feel like it gave her some kind of soul vision. she reads me so easy...
"It seems like there's something in you that you just need to shed..."
I wonder if she can tell and is just trying to prod me along. It feels weird to have such positive feelings for her because of the power dynamic and yet here I am
wow how'd you get the dates to look like that in the title
linux is a pathway to many possibilities windows users might consider....unnatural
texting the weed guy for a treat for halloween... been on a 6 week break which I think is my longest in 5 years lol, excited to see how my body reacts
Does anyone else find life kind of bittersweet?
story
Idk if it makes sense, but like I went clubbing with a friend of mine and we met up with some of his friends. I vibed really well with his one friend 'James' (not his real name) and my friend, James and I wound up going to get something to eat before heading to James' place where we watched some anime. My friend fell asleep and one thing lead to another and me and James did a lot of kissing, cuddling and heavy petting. The next day we met up too and the same thing happened, but before that we also went to get something to eat and then we cuddled while watching some anime. And he isn't pushy and doesn't seem to only want sex. Idk it felt like he was interested in something more.
And like it sounds great, but also so incredibly bittersweet as I knew this would never lead to more as he didn't know I was trans. It was a reminder of something I feel like I'll never have, and now I have to kill off whatever spark was there. Honestly I just bawled my eyes out because of this realization that any relationship developing organically seems basically impossible while trans. At best I'll get to wade through awful dating apps and in the end any partner I might find will have to know I'm trans which makes me sick. Idk it feels like cruel joke to have something great within reach, but then realizing it will never ever work out.
spoiler
Definitely relate to the feeling that romance and sex is so much more complicated than it would be if I was cis. Among friends I'm pretty open about being trans, so the fact that it would eventually have to come up doesn't bother me so much, but I'll probably always be too scared to use tinder or go with a random dude to his place after a night out.
I honestly hate it so much. I vastly underestimated how awful dating, romance, etc. would be like after coming out. Most of my friends don’t seem to know I’m trans and I’m slowly cutting off people in my life who do know so I can’t even talk with anyone about it. It sucks how complicated everything is as a trans person.
spoiler
The older I've got the more things have become bittersweet.
Dancing with my ex for the first time, our second first date, seeing their face flicker in the camp fire. Having our prof remind me and my friends that hanging out under the summer bloom of the tree was likely to be one of our best memories and we won't be young forever. My last ever performance and acting. Meeting a girl in France and knowing we wouldn't see each other again. The short time friend I made who reminded me to eat broccoli and going out late at night to buy some. The last time my mom picked me up and held me when I was very young. Holding a dying woman's hand as she drifted away because her family didn't want to believe she was dying. Holding my baby sister when she was born and picking her up as an 18 year old because she took too many drugs and pissed herself at a party. Hosting my brother at my place during covid cause he lost his job and watching all of star trek, him telling me he never wanted to see me again when I made him go to the hospital for coughing up blood, seeing him at a wedding and how much healthier he looks. Sitting in the aisle watching the play my ex was in, the first time I ever saw them and being very cofnused cause I thought they were a boy - nonbinary wasnt a thing yet for them or like in general. My first girlfriend killer herself after I broke up with her. Telling the boy that bought me a beer and tried to hit me up that I wasn't gay (I was a closeted girl lol).
It sadly does seem like life is just inherently bittersweet. I guess my main issue is with the trans-specific issues that I wouldn’t have to deal with had I been born cis😭 Idk I’m just so tired of it all🥲
And thank you for sharing❤️
yea...
wish I had more to say but thank you for sharing
