Permanently Deleted
If you're reading this: thanks for being here. Thanks for posting. Thanks for reading. Just thanks all the way around.
Why am I posting this, you may ask. I've been having a hard time coming to terms with how left I am. I'm a middle aged CIS male who by all means should be somewhere between a neo-lib and a chud, yet find myself unable to identify with anyone around me given the thoughts in my head and how I perceive the world around me. I've wandered from the flock.
Sure, my father getting sick and dying at my house was a bit of a catalyst. But beyond that one event - I've started checking out theory. Reading the posts here. Shedding my liberal PMC lense and seeing shit for how it is. Trying to understand what probably 10-15 years ago I would outright dismiss (LGBTQ issues come immediately to mind).
My point is, yes the world is fucked. But there are bright sides to all of this. You're not alone, even in anonymity. And despite my pessimism (or yours), there's so much to learn and so much work to be done.
So. Thanks. This place rocks.
Imagine thinking high school teachers are teaching CRT and indoctrinating kids.
Shut the fuck up I can't even indoctrinate your kids to turn in homework.
the schools where the people who are big mad about crt are, read: rural whites, have teachers who are on the same shit.
All my history teachers were chud coaches, they really dont have shit to worry about
Plus teachers can barely keep track of the basic shit they have to teach much less a graduate level concept.
I have to reteach myself basic math for my business course every year lmao
One of my chud coach history teachers made us memorize the constitutional amendments and a bunch of Supreme Court cases. In 9th grade I basically learned that as a student I had little to no rights and that some very important people kept insisting that yes indeed it’s good for students to lack self determination and individuality. I should thank him sometime
Yeah one of ours made us learn the preamble to the constitution for some reason lol.
I basically learned that as a student I had little to no rights and that some very important people kept insisting that yes indeed it’s good for students to lack self determination and individuality
I feel like that’s pretty much one of the major functions of school in America if you’re not going to a rich person school.
One of my college friends is a rich kid and his school was all about lateral thinking and collaboration. Class is extremely self-reinforcing in American schools, partially just because teachers tend to want to teach at their alma mater
Well tbf I don't really assign homework. I give ample time in class to finish work. If you fuck around for several class periods it becomes homework.
I'm actually playing Super Metroid right now. Like, I paused to check posts.
My dumbass wants to drive one.
wtypstanaccount04 :stalin-gun-1::stalin-gun-2: blackmoldfutures
Jesus Christ. I'm glad we're gonna drop people who are texting or fiddling with one of eight screens around them into a 9000 lb monstrosity and let them mow down anything in their way.
thing fuckin sucks. too tall, too much speed, too much weight makes it a danger to everyone else on the road.
Oh boy, can't wait to see some silicone valley freak micro dosing on lsd and plowing through a school zone with this monstrosity
oh my god all the fucking taliban coverage on the news shit feels like 2006
the fuck these people want us to do? go back?
Blowback is honestly getting hard for me to listen to. Just... the unbridled evil of the United States. Wherever there are the poor and oppressed striving for something better, there is the US to stamp out their hope and then take a piss on them for good measure.
:amerikkka: :amerikkka: :amerikkka:
I'd like to use this space to talk about my relationship because I just nearly ended things and I'm hurting a lot.
We met right before the pandemic, Bernie was in his upswing and I was actually watching political news with earnest, she was a Warren supporter but didn't mind that I liked Bernie, I think she found my attention to the election attractive. Then of course pandemic hits and Bernie lost, and I became more and more open politically, though on our first date I said I was a socialist.
I think quarantine kept us together, having a partner in that time was great. But she is active in advocating local policy to enact positive change, and while I can appreciate that it always felt too little too late, but that's not constructive, is it? She also like skiing, raves and techno, blow, and calls herself a witch. I'm introverted, she's extroverted. We've done those things together but I never really enjoyed them like she does. So that was always a disconnect. But she would listen to my history rants and ask questions, I'd listen about her day at work and advocacy stuff and the struggles that entailed.
I took her states away to my home, she met my family, I met her brother and mother. We said we loved each other- and I believe that I do, but especially lately I've been retreating. A couple months ago we were in bed after sex and she was saying things to the affect of wanting to keep this going, literally doing please don't break up with me, coming from her anxieties built off former relationships, and asked what i thought. I was honest and said I didn't see this lasting forever. That was hard, but she accepted and we moved on, largely unchanged. But having done that, I thought more about us. I did't want to hang out nearly as much as she did, I've been less interested in sex with her- often feeling less than inspired while in the act-, and just not feeling like I wanted things to go the way they are.
So I went over a couple days ago, having had couple drinks to be able to say things, and had a talk about how this wasn't working for me and my heart wasn't in it. She was thrown off completely. Crying, but angry, and her saying "what the fuck" is now playing on repeat in my mind and I'm drinking to drown in out. I came in hot, but we talked about an open relationship because I can't be her one and only like that anymore. I think that's not a bad place for us, I really care deeply for her and as she said it felt like losing a best friend, so I don't want that gone completely. I'm now full of guilt and regret but keep thinking of where I was before the talk and feel like it had to be done eventually, though I could have handled it so much better.
I still feel a lot of pain and will seek out therapy, I need to. I feel like it's often just to feel right in an unright world but I can't do it like I have been anymore. I feel like I broke something incredibly special, and hurt deeply someone very close to me who have me a lot of her energy. But I can't help but feel it needed to happen, those thoughts were pervasive and I felt like I was living a lie, even though she gave so much and I felt loved. Idk how it wasn't enough, but I don't think I will be able to have a real relationship, possibly ever. I think I'm OK with that. We're in our early 30s, who knows what may happen.
If you read this, thanks. Just needed to put it out somewhere. My roommate's friends with her now and I haven't told her because I'm afraid she'll be angry too. Ugh
That sounds like a lot, comrade. I'm sorry you're going through that. It's really hard when you have to tell people that you honestly don't think there's a future together, especially if you feel something for them
Thanks, it really sucks, and I appreciate your understanding
So I do delivery and just had a guy (white, gen x, parent) open the door, say "are you fucking kidding me?" and slam the door in my face. $80 order, no tip. I see the wife working at the PC through the window that his young kids are peering through, I shrugged at them and left.
So, I had other orders to pick up that took a bit, so I get there 3 minutes late, or and hour and 3 minutes since the order was placed. This is not bad, and kind of common given in not anyone's personal driver and I often have a lot, and sometimes the kitchen takes awhile, which was all true this time. Literally thought he was joking when he started talking, like he was gonna break and be like nah jk it's cool! Cuz that would at least seem kinda normal?
Idk, usually it's boomers waiting outside with crossed arms that get me, this was different and sucked. Trying to find out of it was a re-delivery or try to cut him off in the future because fuck him
Got 8 hours of sleep. Feel exactly the same when hen I only get six :agony-deep:
just found out about liberalism... damn that shit sucks man
