I am pleased to accept this new role de oportunidad por el presidente del pueblo de Afganistán.

These very nice men I met de parte de un story telling group told me I am now un Imam. ¡Soy conmocionado, pero I accept their compliment y also esta presidencia!

¡Viva Afganistán!

Edit: Chapos, qué preguntas should I be asking these story tellers? They are called el “tale y ban” and I want to do un buen trabajo.

  • JuanGuaido [he/him]
    hexagon
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    edit-2
    3 years ago

    I do not know much about Islam, but I am determined to learn. This group of storytellers, el “tale y ban”, have agreed to teach me. They are very kind men and have many expensive guns like all talented writers!

  • MelaniaTrump [undecided]
    ·
    3 years ago

    While the Taliban have been making rapid gains — particularly since U.S.-led forces began a withdrawal in May — few experts see a complete takeover of the capital as imminent.

    Lib technocratic experts were so fucking wrong lmao

    • JuanGuaido [he/him]
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      edit-2
      3 years ago

      My new friends are muy eficiente! I am honored to serve as the president of this nation.

      These story tellers now have many helicopters, which I have not seen writers own before. It is wonderful how literatura is always moving on to the next thing!

    • livingperson2 [he/him]
      ·
      3 years ago

      Every time it happens, it reminds me that Nassim Nicholas Taleb really does have a good bead (is that a phrase, or did I just make something up?) things. He points out in both Fooled by Randomness and Black Swan how absolutely terrible pundits and other species of prognosticators are at doing their "job." Just...daily you can watch them get every god damn thing wrong, but since they wear a serious face when they say dumb shit, audiences pretend this is Important Work and buy in. No learning from mistakes, ever.

    • JuanGuaido [he/him]
      hexagon
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      3 years ago

      I have tried very hard and I am trying to put my past failures behind me.

      :guaido-despair:

  • pppp1000 [he/him]
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    3 years ago

    Lmao. After a long fucking hibernation, you're back.

    • JuanGuaido [he/him]
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      edit-2
      3 years ago

      I have been very busy trying to become interim governor of New York. I accidentally got someone fired, pero they were Italiano, so no me siento tan mal.

    • JuanGuaido [he/him]
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      edit-2
      3 years ago

      This is intentional, I am glad you noticed! I speak both English and Spanish fluently, but write in “Spanglish” for our yankee chapos. They need all the education they can get (America has very poor schools even though it is a wealthy country).

      I got this idea from the hit American reality tv show, “Dora The Explorer”.

      :guaido: ¡Aprendan español, yanquis!

  • kissinger
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    edit-2
    1 year ago

    deleted by creator

    • JuanGuaido [he/him]
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      edit-2
      3 years ago

      Señor Kissinger, that is not my name, you are mistaken. We have met twice before, please remember.

      :guaido-despair:

    • JuanGuaido [he/him]
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      edit-2
      3 years ago

      Can you please explain? No entiendo cómo they could “get to” me.

  • Deadend [he/him]
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    3 years ago

    What kinds of fences and barriers did you overcome to achieve this?

    • JuanGuaido [he/him]
      hexagon
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      3 years ago

      Surprisingly none! The American soldiers left all of the gates open when they ran away.

    • ImSoOCD [they/them]
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      3 years ago

      The power vacuum was inevitable so long it was the US that was leaving. Their presence was too domineering and too good of propaganda fuel for the groups opposing them. The only guarantee is instability until/unless another superpower gains a foothold. Looks like Russia’s trying to be it and I would hope China would too, but on the ground it takes a long time to see any net gain after an upheaval like this

      • disco [any]
        ·
        3 years ago

        I’m not sure that’s true. So far, the Taliban have been playing things really smart, portraying themselves as a newly moderate force primarily interested in law and order.

        If they keep things up they could really secure support across the country as a legitimate government.

    • TheOldRazzleDazzle [he/him]
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      3 years ago

      To be honest your take sounds like vicarious accelerationism. The US leaving isn't good but a confirmation that its entire Afghanistan occupation has been an obscene waste of life. The Taliban taking over as an anti-communist theocracy is also not good. All of this is bad and moving to a 20,000 foot viewpoint to admire the grand sweep of history has more than a hint of first world entitlement and indifference.

  • Dirtbag [they/them]
    ·
    3 years ago

    Ask your new bosses what they think about ancient statues of Buddha.

  • infuziSporg [e/em/eir]
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    3 years ago

    Mister Huwan Quwaydah, an honor to make your acquaintance.

    "Tale y ban", esto means "students" en Arabic, tú must tell them estories from your escuela.

    • JuanGuaido [he/him]
      hexagon
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      3 years ago

      ¡El gusto es mío! Thank you por this información, it makes sense they are estudiantes porque they are studying all of these documents the yankees left behind muy cuidadosamente.

      Mi primera task as el presidente de afganistán was to bring them all cafés this mañana. Things are off to a good start!

    • JuanGuaido [he/him]
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      edit-2
      3 years ago

      I love la música. Mi favorito es Don Barry Manilow. Very talented man.

      edit 1: Oh! I should ask them this! Thank you, I will!

      edit 2: They say they also like Don Barry Manilow.