If you’re not allo than I don’t know how to describe how dehumanizing the messages you constantly receive as a trans woman attracted to women are (though of course they aren’t worse or more important than what ace people go through). It feels like being attracted to women, not just romantically but genuinely wanting to touch them in that way, is a sign that I’m a disgusting lecherous creep, and that a REAL trans woman would never want that or would at least be more respectable about it.
So it’s like, I constantly feel pressured to not only police my own sexual thoughts and feelings, but I also feel pressured to be as vanilla and normal as possible and basically not act gay at all. It’s a horrific experience I’ve only recently been fully realizing has been happening to me.
I understand allo people are annoying and I’m not trying to take away from that, but I did want to share my experience to hopefully at least contextualize why a trans woman would be so obsessed with transbian sex scenes that aren’t purposely gross or off putting.
Hi I am also attracted to women, and yeah I don't even talk to cis people 'cause I got sick of that shit. The narrative that "a REAL trans woman would never want that or would at least be more respectable about it" is bunk pedalled by Ray Blanchard or whoever, and also the desire for lesbian sex is very respectable no matter how it's expressed. I've always been an ardent autogynephile though, so :)
I do know how this is, it's actually one of the reasons I like posting (in other spaces, not hexbear) about really weird kink things. I'm a big In The Court of the Nameless Queen fan, and discovering that things like petplay or uh other stuff existed was rad, I thought it was all very cool. I always do my best to be sex-positive because we need it, there are too many people out there calling us perverted freaks, generally.
I guess part of the issue for me is I'm up to my waist in trans related literature and fiction, so while that bit from Unjust Depths is neat, it isn't anything I haven't seen before. But it's probably a lot more novel for literally anyone else who isn't freakishly weird like I am!
I wasn't impolite or weird to her about it, but between asexuality and general sexual trauma I will become nervous/uncomfortable and flighty if people, speak lustfully I guess, about sex to me. That's more what this is about, I think.
Sorry I shouldn’t have assumed you didn’t experience all this too. It’s completely valid you’re uncomfortable with what them bringing it up too, and I want you to know I wasn’t trying to take away from that either.
No big, I didn't love the implication that being acespec excludes me from experiencing transmisogyny and such, but I guess I can see how the comment would look weird offhand.
Also, if I look at what goodreads commie lady has read in terms of trans fic, (Manhunt, Tell Me i'm Worthless) there's not a lot in terms of super positive sex for transfem protags, so that probably contributes to her uh boundless enthusiasm lol
I’m sorry I didn’t mean to imply that at all, I did wrongly assume that if you’re ace you might not feel like your sexuality is inherently at odds with your gender. But honestly thinking about it, people expect women to be heterosexual in general and that implies expecting them to be allo, so you probably experience the same things but worse. Though honestly part of me is… jealous even though I know that’s problematic. Because I feel like having a strong attraction to other people makes me really gross. Especially because I’m attracted to other women, because when people sexualize men it’s seen as funny but when they sexualize women it’s perverted and predatory
Fwiw, it doesn't tend to affect me as much when some weirdo crawls out of the woodwork to call me a "sexual d*gen" or whatever, although I'm way too radicalised to let that stuff impact me so lol.
Mostly though yeah, people would see me say that I'm a lesbian, and the "asexual" label just becomes invisible to them, they assume I'm a sexual deviant and a weird freak. Which I am but not the way they think!
I do, every now and then, still feel a little weird acknowledging that a cis woman is pretty, Idk if that's leftover brainworms or just cause I'm married. Of course, there's literally nothing wrong with you having really strong sexual attraction to women! Cis women are horny all the time too! Women-loving-women is awesome. You are not gross! It's shit how people, even cis queer people, demonise and stigmatise trans women's sexualities. We are allowed to fuck and anyone else who says otherwise can eat shit.
Yeah I’m sorry for letting my own brainworms delegitimize your own experiences. It makes sense that transphobes aren’t really going to differentiate between someone being ace or not for how they treat them.
If you’re not allo than I don’t know how to describe how dehumanizing the messages you constantly receive as a trans woman attracted to women are (though of course they aren’t worse or more important than what ace people go through). It feels like being attracted to women, not just romantically but genuinely wanting to touch them in that way, is a sign that I’m a disgusting lecherous creep, and that a REAL trans woman would never want that or would at least be more respectable about it.
So it’s like, I constantly feel pressured to not only police my own sexual thoughts and feelings, but I also feel pressured to be as vanilla and normal as possible and basically not act gay at all. It’s a horrific experience I’ve only recently been fully realizing has been happening to me.
I understand allo people are annoying and I’m not trying to take away from that, but I did want to share my experience to hopefully at least contextualize why a trans woman would be so obsessed with transbian sex scenes that aren’t purposely gross or off putting.
Hi I am also attracted to women, and yeah I don't even talk to cis people 'cause I got sick of that shit. The narrative that "a REAL trans woman would never want that or would at least be more respectable about it" is bunk pedalled by Ray Blanchard or whoever, and also the desire for lesbian sex is very respectable no matter how it's expressed. I've always been an ardent autogynephile though, so :)
I do know how this is, it's actually one of the reasons I like posting (in other spaces, not hexbear) about really weird kink things. I'm a big In The Court of the Nameless Queen fan, and discovering that things like petplay or uh other stuff existed was rad, I thought it was all very cool. I always do my best to be sex-positive because we need it, there are too many people out there calling us perverted freaks, generally.
I guess part of the issue for me is I'm up to my waist in trans related literature and fiction, so while that bit from Unjust Depths is neat, it isn't anything I haven't seen before. But it's probably a lot more novel for literally anyone else who isn't freakishly weird like I am!
I wasn't impolite or weird to her about it, but between asexuality and general sexual trauma I will become nervous/uncomfortable and flighty if people, speak lustfully I guess, about sex to me. That's more what this is about, I think.
Sorry I shouldn’t have assumed you didn’t experience all this too. It’s completely valid you’re uncomfortable with what them bringing it up too, and I want you to know I wasn’t trying to take away from that either.
No big, I didn't love the implication that being acespec excludes me from experiencing transmisogyny and such, but I guess I can see how the comment would look weird offhand.
Also, if I look at what goodreads commie lady has read in terms of trans fic, (Manhunt, Tell Me i'm Worthless) there's not a lot in terms of super positive sex for transfem protags, so that probably contributes to her uh boundless enthusiasm lol
I’m sorry I didn’t mean to imply that at all, I did wrongly assume that if you’re ace you might not feel like your sexuality is inherently at odds with your gender. But honestly thinking about it, people expect women to be heterosexual in general and that implies expecting them to be allo, so you probably experience the same things but worse. Though honestly part of me is… jealous even though I know that’s problematic. Because I feel like having a strong attraction to other people makes me really gross. Especially because I’m attracted to other women, because when people sexualize men it’s seen as funny but when they sexualize women it’s perverted and predatory
Fwiw, it doesn't tend to affect me as much when some weirdo crawls out of the woodwork to call me a "sexual d*gen" or whatever, although I'm way too radicalised to let that stuff impact me so lol.
Mostly though yeah, people would see me say that I'm a lesbian, and the "asexual" label just becomes invisible to them, they assume I'm a sexual deviant and a weird freak. Which I am but not the way they think!
I do, every now and then, still feel a little weird acknowledging that a cis woman is pretty, Idk if that's leftover brainworms or just cause I'm married. Of course, there's literally nothing wrong with you having really strong sexual attraction to women! Cis women are horny all the time too! Women-loving-women is awesome. You are not gross! It's shit how people, even cis queer people, demonise and stigmatise trans women's sexualities. We are allowed to fuck
and anyone else who says otherwise can eat shit.
Yeah I’m sorry for letting my own brainworms delegitimize your own experiences. It makes sense that transphobes aren’t really going to differentiate between someone being ace or not for how they treat them.
No worries you're good