I’ve been wondering if I’m really trans or if it’s just that I’m guilty about being a man and also want to look extremely feminine and I can’t tell the difference because of autism/alexithymia and if that’s the case, if that means I shouldn’t transition.
But maybe it doesn’t matter? I’m scared that I haven’t really felt gender dysphoria yet and that transitioning will trigger it because I’m not actually a girl. But on the other hand, being more femme seems way too good to miss out on. I really don’t want to live my whole life as a masculine man or even as someone who looks like a stereotypical man at all.
Is being excited about getting pink plates and figuring out how to cook and stuff because it’s stereotypically feminine gender euphoria (yes I know it’s problematic)?
I used to be OFFENDED by the implication I was even into “girly” things when I was really young. I used to only play characters that were only male and be uncomfortable when other people played characters that weren’t the same gender as them. What happened to me?
And stuff like Harry Styles or whatever always made me feel weird. Like I don’t want to “genderbend” with facial hair that I personally feel is ugly and what feels like mismatched outfits to me, I want to be an outright femboy almost indistinguishable from a girl or an outright girl. I want to be PRETTY.
Maybe it’s autogynephilia but honestly maybe at this point that’s ok??? Like fuck, cis men try and do penis enlargement and cis women try and do breast enlargement, maybe I just want to be pretty too and that seems like a valid reason to get HRT.
No, no, don’t apologize. I was trying to take a more radical stance there that “autogynephilia”, even though it’s made up, is a stupid criticism to make of myself being trans, because there’s nothing wrong with being attracted to myself or wanting to be attracted to myself. That, especially as someone who’s brain works fundamentally differently from most people, it’s ok for me to want to look attractive in the way I view as attractive.
cis lesbians can apparently both want to present in the same way as they’re attracted to, and so can gay men, but when trans people do it it means they must be faking. Mr Ray Blanchard was full of shit
"Do I want to be her or be with her?" The answer is BOTH I actually never thought about it 100% exactly like that but yeah, huh. "Autogynephilia" is just trans femme4femme (or butch4butch etc) ✨
TLDR: Autogynephilia (and “autoandrophilia”) is a shitty term (so despite how empowering it is to flip it back at transphobes we probably shouldn’t use it ) because it implies trans women aren’t their actual identity and just do it for kicks. The problem with Blanchard’s theories is that they presume correlation = causation and took the mainstream conception of gender and sexuality as a complete granted, a conception that is just as if not far more of a leap as assuming it is merely an example of fantasies of female embodiment being stronger among fem-attracted trans women… because they’re attracted to women, BUT still being present in straight trans women as a sexual method to process dysphoria, a theory given more credence by the fact that there are many examples of women having their embodiment fantasies decrease or disappear during and after transition AND many examples of people processing trauma through kinks.
I love that she has like a PHD or something and did an actual study on that. But yeah, all this stinky stuff shows up in condensed form in Nevada (again) which I read when I was 15, very luckily innoculating me against these kind of brainworms.
I don't think anyone is seriously advocating for using "autogynephilia", I was just using it to be sarcastic & goofy. Blanchard's "theory" is also a weird way to medicalise which trans women he does and doesn't want to fuck, and which trans women are "useful" to straight men, continuing Harry Benjamin's work. One of Blanchard's favourite guys was J Michael Bailey, whose The Man Who Would Be Queen is less a scientific text and more a sordid tell-all of his affairs with various trans women. AGP/AAP is both gross and fake!
First off, autogynephilia is a bunch of bullshit and should immediately be discarded mentally.
Second off, not everyone needs to or does feel dysphoria. It's not a necessary part of being trans. Seriously. Not everyone does. I did, but I didn't know what it was until I actually started to actively transition.
Honestly, it sounds to me like you have a lot of internalized transphobia. It might do you some good to root out some of it and try and confront the feelings that you're having.
It always comes out when I talk about myself but I never apply the same standards to other people. The days of me being afraid of people picking “wrong gender” characters are very very far behind me. I now read queer theory and am a staunch advocate for gender accelerationism
The question then becomes, "Why are you applying the notions to yourself then?" To me it sounds like you're trying to talk yourself out of it. I had the exact same brand of self doubt prior to my egg fully cracking. It took a lot of being miserable and yelling at myself in a mirror before I finally discarded those thoughts and just decided to move forward. Easily the best decision of my life.
When it comes down to it, the only qualifier of whether or not you're trans is, "Am I trans?" If yes, then congrats, you're trans. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says. It doesn't matter whether or not you're experiencing dysphoria. Literally nothing else matters. Ultimately, it is your decision to make.
Honestly the main root reason I always ask myself questions like this is because I’m terrified of permanent decisions. Even ones that I objectively and clearly know are good for me. I get anxiety picking perk choices in video games when there aren’t respec options.
Trust me when I say that more than just myself here can say they certainly understand how you feel. When I first considered HRT, I was unsure as well because this is a major decision. One to not be taken lightly. However, with HRT, you will know if it’s right for you long before any permanent changes take place. This is what got me calmed down and let me decide to just go for it. It does take at least a couple months before anything starts happening that you can’t go back from.
I’ve been wondering if I’m really trans or if it’s just that I’m guilty about being a man and also want to look extremely feminine and I can’t tell the difference because of autism/alexithymia and if that’s the case, if that means I shouldn’t transition.
But maybe it doesn’t matter? I’m scared that I haven’t really felt gender dysphoria yet and that transitioning will trigger it because I’m not actually a girl. But on the other hand, being more femme seems way too good to miss out on. I really don’t want to live my whole life as a masculine man or even as someone who looks like a stereotypical man at all.
Is being excited about getting pink plates and figuring out how to cook and stuff because it’s stereotypically feminine gender euphoria (yes I know it’s problematic)?
I used to be OFFENDED by the implication I was even into “girly” things when I was really young. I used to only play characters that were only male and be uncomfortable when other people played characters that weren’t the same gender as them. What happened to me?
And stuff like Harry Styles or whatever always made me feel weird. Like I don’t want to “genderbend” with facial hair that I personally feel is ugly and what feels like mismatched outfits to me, I want to be an outright femboy almost indistinguishable from a girl or an outright girl. I want to be PRETTY.
Maybe it’s autogynephilia but honestly maybe at this point that’s ok??? Like fuck, cis men try and do penis enlargement and cis women try and do breast enlargement, maybe I just want to be pretty too and that seems like a valid reason to get HRT.
Okay I was kidding about the, "I'm an ardent autogynephile" shit earlier, it's not real that was a joke, I apologise.
No, no, don’t apologize. I was trying to take a more radical stance there that “autogynephilia”, even though it’s made up, is a stupid criticism to make of myself being trans, because there’s nothing wrong with being attracted to myself or wanting to be attracted to myself. That, especially as someone who’s brain works fundamentally differently from most people, it’s ok for me to want to look attractive in the way I view as attractive.
Oh, well yeah that's also true actually! Very good no notes
cis lesbians can apparently both want to present in the same way as they’re attracted to, and so can gay men, but when trans people do it it means they must be faking. Mr Ray Blanchard was full of shit
"Do I want to be her or be with her?" The answer is BOTH
I actually never thought about it 100% exactly like that but yeah, huh. "Autogynephilia" is just trans femme4femme (or butch4butch etc) ✨
discussing transphobic concepts in “science”
http://juliaserano.blogspot.com/2015/05/reconceptualizing-autogynephilia-as_26.html?m=1
TLDR: Autogynephilia (and “autoandrophilia”) is a shitty term (so despite how empowering it is to flip it back at transphobes we probably shouldn’t use it
) because it implies trans women aren’t their actual identity and just do it for kicks. The problem with Blanchard’s theories is that they presume correlation = causation and took the mainstream conception of gender and sexuality as a complete granted, a conception that is just as if not far more of a leap as assuming it is merely an example of fantasies of female embodiment being stronger among fem-attracted trans women… because they’re attracted to women, BUT still being present in straight trans women as a sexual method to process dysphoria, a theory given more credence by the fact that there are many examples of women having their embodiment fantasies decrease or disappear during and after transition AND many examples of people processing trauma through kinks.
I love that she has like a PHD or something and did an actual study on that. But yeah, all this stinky stuff shows up in condensed form in Nevada (again) which I read when I was 15, very luckily innoculating me against these kind of brainworms.
I don't think anyone is seriously advocating for using "autogynephilia", I was just using it to be sarcastic & goofy. Blanchard's "theory" is also a weird way to medicalise which trans women he does and doesn't want to fuck, and which trans women are "useful" to straight men, continuing Harry Benjamin's work. One of Blanchard's favourite guys was J Michael Bailey, whose The Man Who Would Be Queen is less a scientific text and more a sordid tell-all of his affairs with various trans women. AGP/AAP is both gross and fake!
Yeah!
Also
I wasn’t trying to accuse you of anything, sorry. More felt bad for implying it could ever be reclaimed in the first place.
Oh my goodness you are fine, no need to apologise
First off, autogynephilia is a bunch of bullshit and should immediately be discarded mentally.
Second off, not everyone needs to or does feel dysphoria. It's not a necessary part of being trans. Seriously. Not everyone does. I did, but I didn't know what it was until I actually started to actively transition.
Honestly, it sounds to me like you have a lot of internalized transphobia. It might do you some good to root out some of it and try and confront the feelings that you're having.
It always comes out when I talk about myself but I never apply the same standards to other people. The days of me being afraid of people picking “wrong gender” characters are very very far behind me. I now read queer theory and am a staunch advocate for gender accelerationism
The question then becomes, "Why are you applying the notions to yourself then?" To me it sounds like you're trying to talk yourself out of it. I had the exact same brand of self doubt prior to my egg fully cracking. It took a lot of being miserable and yelling at myself in a mirror before I finally discarded those thoughts and just decided to move forward. Easily the best decision of my life.
When it comes down to it, the only qualifier of whether or not you're trans is, "Am I trans?" If yes, then congrats, you're trans. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says. It doesn't matter whether or not you're experiencing dysphoria. Literally nothing else matters. Ultimately, it is your decision to make.
Honestly the main root reason I always ask myself questions like this is because I’m terrified of permanent decisions. Even ones that I objectively and clearly know are good for me. I get anxiety picking perk choices in video games when there aren’t respec options.
Trust me when I say that more than just myself here can say they certainly understand how you feel. When I first considered HRT, I was unsure as well because this is a major decision. One to not be taken lightly. However, with HRT, you will know if it’s right for you long before any permanent changes take place. This is what got me calmed down and let me decide to just go for it. It does take at least a couple months before anything starts happening that you can’t go back from.