Is it an adhd thing? Is it a codependent personality? Some kind of dissociation or sensory processing shit?
How do I overcome this problem? I have decent social skills but it feels so meaningless. I feel so lonely even around people.
I know I'm a stranger but shoot your best shot.
This does actually get better as you have more positive experiences with people, problem is how do you do that if this is what's going on, and I don't really have an easy answer. Definitely look into the effects of ADHD on relationships/emotional skills and also the possibility that trauma can make someone develop an avoidant attachment style. Therapy actually helps with this stuff (EMDR).
But ultimately you're still a human being, I promise.
as an adhd-haver, everything adhd people experience is, in fact, an adhd thing. but also a lot of people want more from their friendships and romances than they're getting. i don't have a lot of hard evidence for this, but i think a number of features of the age of what is optimistically called Late Capitalism conspire to make this a very common experience. and -- again, little hard evidence -- i think the general solution for individuals goes like this: first, try to understand and be honest with yourself about what exactly it is that you desire, give a direction to the yearning that plagues you. next: break free of your fear of others, and give love readily and truly; ask to see others; make your hugs a little too long; say true, difficult things even if you don't know beforehand how they'll be received; when you see hurt, consider if you're able to help. finally: you can't make everyone like you, and you probably wouldn't want that anyway. if you're not getting as much from a relationship as you're putting in, don't take that as evidence of your failings as a person. que sera, sera. you needn't "cut them off" like a lot of today's relationship advice says, but perhaps temper your expectations.
Currently procrastinating on finding a therapist but this is something that I've been wanting to talk with someone about myself. I moved around a shit ton as a kid for my mom's career and at some point in my 30s, having lived at that point in the same spot for nearly 20 years with no plans to leave ever.... I realized I actually still viewed friends as being temporary things I'd eventually just have to say goodbye to...and so I shouldn't get too attached.
Therapy was so beyond useless for me that I completely forgot I even tried it lol. Though it was only with somebody with a masters of public education degree. Maybe I needed an actual clinical psychologist but those are hard and expensive af to get nowadays in liberal cities
Yeah I just noticed you are using a lot of therapy words, which is often a sign of self diagnosis. I found my own self diagnosis to be very surface level and mostly off the mark the longer I've been in therapy. I'm not even sure if it has helped, but at least I'm trying something.
I think this really is mostly just alienation and atomization stemming from neoliberal capitalism invading every facet of our lives and trivializing/commodifying relationships with others. You aren’t alone and a lot of other people feel this way too.
I’ve always had issues socializing as well related to other problems I had growing up, but I feel like the system we live in makes it that much worse. Maybe people who are more socially gifted than I could make it work, but for me trying to meet people and make new friends (in real life anyways) in my current situation feels damn near impossible, so honestly I’ve just kind of given up on it.
Oh, I watched a documentary about this called Neon Genesis Evangelion.
:shinji-screm:
Seriously though, I'm in the same boat. What's frustrating is that it wasn't always like this. I had multiple really deep friendships/relationships through high school, but after falling into a deep years-long depression I became super isolated. Even though I'm still in contact with a lot of those same friends (which I realize makes me luckier than many) and they still invite me to stuff now and again, it feels like there's this insurmountable wall between us.
Yeah, probably this. It's hard though. I repress a lot of self-loathing, but also I seem to lack a coherent sense of self, so when I try to love myself I can't even find myself.
I'm in a similar boat and one thing that I'm trying to cultivate right now is a sense of independence. In the sense that I won't depend in the opinions of others before I make choices that only affect me.
I think I would hold back on a lot of plans because I was trying to get permission from other people.
I hope by doing that, I'll be able to seek out people without immediately seeking their validation.
It sucks though because I'm starting to see who I've surrounded myself with and how I want them to perceive me. I don't feel seen by them because I was/am afraid to disappoint people.
Yes this is me,
I am always surprised when someone actually listens to something I say, or when someone reacts with empathy to some problem I am having
This is pretty mood and i think it personally comes from my autism + adhd and so much depression. I've also personally devalued human relationships cus I'm really hot and everyone wants to be near me regardless of my shit personality, so fuck them for only caring about looks
I’ve also personally devalued human relationships cus I’m really hot and everyone wants to be near me regardless of my shit personality, so fuck them for only caring about looks
have you tried not being conceited and self-pitying?
sharp language, maybe, but i think if one is speaking on their own "shit personality", its not inappropriate to highlight instantiations of that personality.
tabling the issue if and how it's appropriate to provide instructive, if difficult to hear advice to those who are emotionally unwell, qua their being emotionally unwell: i'm providing feedback, in a thread with posts implicitly soliciting feedback, about the poster's interpersonal behavior, and self talk. i'm sure glimmer brings a lot to the table, and people want to be around them, and this isn't just regarding their looks. glimmer no doubt is a comrade, with, at least abstractly, a lot of empathy. but isolating themselves and cutting out friends, and doing a weird dance wherein they build up how hot they are are so they can feel more worthless about themselves otherwise, is not good.
no one else responded to the above post. implicitly everyone thought that way of thinking was appropriate. i disagree -- miss me with that soft "boomer" shit.
i'm going out. i love you. i understand how my tone can be conflated, even fairly, with an uncaring, unsympathetic boomers. i'm sure you're dealing with your mental or emotional health things (i have as well, and probably still am a bit). i'm sure we are projecting in our own way. i only mean for us to all be better, because i know we can be.
enjoy the new year comrade(s).
look here: comments like "I've also personally devalued human relationships" are totally alienated and are not cool. implicitly endorsing them, and not challenging them, is also not cool. if you don't like my bedside manner, fine. but i'm the only person who provided OP with any kind of positive feedback, so again miss me with the crocodile tears.
and frankly, yes, i categorially reject the notion that OP can't or shouldn't be challenged, given their emotional/mental wellbeing. that's totally infantilizing. as a leftist, human relationships are a necessary good; not succumbing to despair is a necessary disposition to the World. you're welcome to frame in another, more superficially empathic way. but fucking do it then.
I mean, that definitely does happen. I don't see why we always have to shut down perfectly reasonable hypotheses like these because somebody acts in a way some find undesirable
Starlight might actually just be extremely attractive and doesn't have low self esteem so they own it. No problem with acknowledging that they're hot
i'm not questioning if glimmer is hot or not. i'm rhetorically underscoring that glimmer, by their own self-description, is an evidenced lame hang, and the best way to make real, authentic, mutually beneficial interpersonal connections is not to spitefully cut people out of their life, but, ya know, put in the work or whatever.
Oh that's facts actually, I'm really high rn and didn't understand, my b
I feel so lonely even around people.
who are "people"? a lot of people feel this way because they're always around strangers or co-workers or family they don't have a good relationship with etc. but don't really have any close friends and then wonder "why does everyone feel like a stranger?" there are of course still people who do have friends and don't feel connected to them but i think those are two very separate problems and the first is more common than the latter.
I feel this way in long term relationships with romantic partners
how do I get some that isn't lanced with fentanyl (or cut with some other shit)?
Try and have more strange experiences, first alone, so you have stories to share, then with other people so you have a bond.
