idk what I'm looking for from this post. But I'm honestly fine with how my face looks. But unless I look feminine, most bi-women are going to keep assuming I want to dom and top without even asking (aka treat me like a man...). Lesbians won't be attracted to me. 99% of people won't perceive me as a women and interact the same they do with other women
I think I can get FFS lined up in some months but I feel extremely weird changing my face so drastically and suddenly. I'm dissociating extremely hard rn just thinking about it. I can't imagine how bad it'd be after the surgeries. I feel like I'd lose a big part of my identity. I'm deathly afraid of looking into a mirror and not recognizing the face staring back at me
There's something about the face being by far the premier identifier for human beings here. Because if they were easy/safe, I totally would get surgeries to contract my shoulders and ribcage in an instant LOL
Honestly, so much of what I do to transition is just so the world will interact with me like a woman. I also quite like my "natural" deep heavy 75hz voice tbh. But I'm still voice training at a light valley girl 200-250hz range because I can't look masculine and have that deep a voice for people to treat me like a woman. At least the voice training is okay though, it was something that I developed in steps + I can still talk nearly the same as I did previously when I want so I don't feel divorced from who I am
Gender in its current form is so fucking stupid I want something like what some indigenous cultures had
An ex friend of mine had it (she was a landlord and while it's a little more complicated, she didnt care for my support of the Maoist land reform).
Seems like while the recovery sucks, it's v affirming!
I think that's the issue here. I mainly seek affirmation through people's interactions with me, not through actual physical changes. But physical changes are required for these desired interactions, some of which I feel eh about, like FFS
I had the same concerns before my ffs, I liked my face and I didn't want to change into a new face, I just wanted my face but feminine, so I chose to have my surgery with facial team in marbella and my god what a good choice that was. I still feel like me but more fem and I pass 100% of the time instead of like 75%.
What's the significance of Marbella here? And that's awesome! I'm glad to hear that :)
Nothing really. They just have another clinic in Barcelona so I thought I’d point out where I had it. Its supposed to be the same though.
Could be a good place to call if you're interested since they might be able to suggest a place closer to you.
I would say don't, if you like you and the problem is with other people's perception instead. I wouldn't go changing your whole self at the behest of other people's views, I guess?
Also maybe this is me putting my foot in my mouth, but I tend to think that not every lesbian won't percieve you as a woman or assume you wanna top. No way can all lesbians be that dang cringey.
Don't worry about not recognizing yourself. My friend got FFS, you're gonna look like the same person but just more feminine. Like your twin sister or something. But the recovery does suck
I'm hoping to get it soon I dont totally hate my face but there are aspects of it that give me pretty bad dysphoria and im sick of being misgendered
I totally feel that on the voice training. My voice was also very deep, and I've finally gotten it around 190hz, with a little farther to go. Voice training sucks because I hate listening to my voice, and listening to a feminine voice is only slightly less cringe. But, Im incredibly glad that I can at least sound androgynous now. Like walking around in public while looking more or less like a women but have a super deep voice is basically unworkably awkward.
Idk is being accepted by society not a valid reason to do things? Like there are a whole range of physics features that you can have, which are not gendered, but which still provoke a strong reaction. If I was a ballerina and I really cared about dancing, and I had some injury that didn't effect my day to day life but stopped me from dancing, most would agree that I should get surgery. But there is no objective reason in this scenario why I need that surgery, it's because of the particular arbitrary conditions of my life that it will improve things. Being a trans women in the 2020s is a particular condition too, but if a somewhat simple surgery will make your life better for any reason why not do it?
Bi women are going to keep assuming
I don't really date cis women so I can't totally speak to this, but my assumption would be that changing this requires a whole different surgery...
I think a more apt analogy would be if someone said one was a shitty ballerina and so one got surgery to "fix" that. I may be a bad singer but I love singing, and I think my voice is just fine, so I am not going to stop now or clamor to appease anyone who thinks it's bad; then again the world isn't yearning to hate crime for a bad tenor.
I have my own thoughts around the notion of "passing" and especially to placate a largely reactionary cis population, but I understand that in the current year it is life and death, really. I can't fault anyone for wanting to be safe. I think it is still worth serious thought that if we are to actualy build a better world we cannot acquiesce to these people forever- all sorts of surgeries, processes, and labors exist that are not at all trivial in service to this- because that is ultimately a losing fight. All forms of trans life are worthy of it, but we do none of them any favors by continuing to do all this to ourselves in endless pursuit of increasingly flimsy cis sensibilities.
I've got what is basically a big beer gut that still causes me great misery to be reminded of, and I thought for ages I would be clocked from miles away because my shape just isn't "feminine" enough. The more people I met, though, the more who were shocked to hear that I was trans at all- genuinely! As in, actually dumbstruck, despite the supposed dad-bod. Does it really look that bad? I don't know. I still don't like it, but I see it in a different way than simply its capacity to get me clocked, after years of the exact opposite happening again and again.
I am rambling, now. @GaveUp@hexbear.net I'm sorry I don't really have advice for you, except to do whatever you need to do to feel happy and safe in this hateful life.
