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waow...
Firstly holy shit what an essay. Positive connotation.
Do people really see it that way, that they can see how it gets better and you can achieve self-fulfillment? I'm really happy if so, I worry about sorta condescending to people though. Y'know, as in "easy for a y******** p****** to say"... brainworm ass...
I have appreciated basically journaling the first steps and whlle journey going from "binary transfem" to "weird & kinda scary none biney" so it's good to hear that other people appreciate it. But you do bring up the orher concern I had, which is that "na brainworms are on watch" didn't work out
I'll probably just stop cause honestly I fucking hate the feeling of lecturing or condescending to people... not exactly a high point of my bear website use... I just feel like I fucked up really badly when there are so many better spoken and kinder people here with better approaches.
I like that my adviceposting is not useless dogshit though!! Thank you I do my best!!! Regarding putthing this in the mega, uh I guess it just feels like I shouldn't put personal, "drama" stuff in, but I guess if it's allowed after all...
I guess you can't expect to get along with everyone but I try, I've spent so much time fighting people that I just do not have the guts to anymore, that sucks. It feels like a personal failing I guess, if I've antagonised somebody somehow. I would really rather that not exist
NERD, lol imagine being heartfelt and genuine on the internet, what a dork lmao, look at this sincere expression over here!
Hey thanks for the gender-neutrality allowance, uh I literally don't know what to say. I am legitimately surprised that people care anymore than "oh yea the mega's funny pet autist", but also like... thanks... I'm flattered to the point of what do I even say, I guess. The bookposting, really? Other than Thallo's perpetual bemusement at my shitposting it didn't occur to me that anybody cared... We do some pretty good posting in here though it's true, one of the really excellent things about the mega and the site generally is how open and friendly it is to posting all sincerely and passionately, being a dork. Thankful to hear this though, my biggest hope for yapping in here is that I can improve anybody's mood, their day or week or life or anything... I guess I'm doing good work.
Nowwwww I gotta go reassure everyone that even worst case I wouldn't have left the bearsite entirely
not my intent to imply that lmao oops
Teehee
I may or may not have checked the word count and realised it's longer than some of the short essays I've had to do for school...
I can't speak for anyone else, but yes, for me that's how it feels. It might be my philosopher brain speaking, but it is genuine.
It might not have worked out for some people, but it did for others at times. Including myself, even if I wasn't the target. But I might just be more readily primed for it due to being trans for nearly 4 years now and already being a bit on board the 'gender is a fuck' train. If you do feel you should stop I won't try to stop you though, you can always push the anti-brainworming in the usual way in your posts about queer theory. Don't feel bad if you push it on me sometime though, I promise I won't mind.
I do feel I should say, you shouldn't compare yourself to me regarding this stuff. I've made it a deliberate point to improve myself in regards to being a good listener/vent helper and I don't think it's fair to yourself to think you're failing because you lack that experience. I used to be far, far worse than you are regarding this stuff and I think that reflects well on you.
I don't think it's a failing, but I also understand being tired of fights. I hope you won't be too harsh on yourself when they happen again though.
Oh no I'm cringe....
Of course I'd allow the neutrality, big sib. And yes, you are doing good work. 💜 I don't really need you to say anything, just knowing you read it and appreciated it is enough.
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That is a good philosopher brain evidently, bc khizuo and eggnog also said similar stuff. That's pretty cool actually, Idk how I did that honestly but thank yew
Four years, you're so young
I'm glad the effort's not totally wasted but I definitely need to reconsider my approach, I think. I'm gonna be reading something kinda funny pretty soon though so uh watch out!!!
Cringe is cool, uncritical support to cringe :)
Thank you
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Noooooo I like my school essays too..... I know it's a good philosopher brain, it's the goal of my life after all, but I'm glad you think so too.
I honestly feel weird age-wise here. As far as being trans I feel older than most of our posters but I also know that in terms of actual age I'm on the lower end. You're older in both ways though. And I'm excited to find out what it is!
I hope that you can avoid them in the future then, if you ever need someone to talk to when one happens you can always DM me about it.
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Look at this DWEEB, enjoys SCHOOL ESSAYS???
That is a sick life goal though ngl.
I think you're older than a lot but not the majority, maybe? I was actually shocked at how many users here are both 30+ and like over a decade on hormones. Most spaces I've been in skew eggy. Again VERY COOL!!! I do enjoy chatting with the eggs and the babytrans here, feels good.
I'll do my best, but thank you, might take you up on that because enh yknow
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Maybe, my impression on our transition ages might be skewed based on how much I big sister people. Damn mature for my age trauma making me too empathetic towards the olds. Actual age I still think I'm on the younger end, being in my very early 20s.
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Yeah that's probably the younger end, although we do have under-18s here which is wild to me. Cool, but like woah internet kids. Also though
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Idk you tell me you're the old here
I have similar feelings where I’ve known I was trans for a long time, but haven’t made much progress in my transition and then I’ll see someone somewhat younger than me whose egg cracked more recently but is fully out and feel like shit
That's not exactly what I meant, but yeah sometimes I can feel that. But be a bit kinder to yourself, you weren't completely in control of your ability to transition sooner. Whether that be because of family concerns, a lack of money, an inability to find the energy right away, etc...
I understand feeling that jealousy towards others, I'd be lying if I said I haven't felt it before, more recently than I'd like to admit, in fact. But it's not really healthy to fixate on it and let it fester resentment or pain for yourself. That's just going to make it harder for you to find the will to help yourself move forward in your transition in the future due to that feeling of hopelessness/unfairness that can come with it.
Envy is an awful, awful pit.
I just feel like I can’t relate to anybody
I kinda feel that way too. Like, I knew I was trans for about a decade before actually transitioning and it’s like, I don’t really fit in to any narrative? I’m not really a baby trans, but I’ve only been on hormones for a year. My egg cracked when I was young, but I started transitioning when I was older. I didn’t really have the experience of going through life not recognizing my dysphoria or not understanding why I felt the way I did, but I still had to deal with the dysphoria of trying to live as a guy. Like it feels like for everyone else it was straight from realizing they’re trans to transitioning and I just don’t see my experience reflected anywhere
mood, my experience has mostly been boymoding on a low dose of hrt for years.
Maybe. I'm unfortunately probably not the person you'd be able to relate to, I think. I could overexplain how I used to be so depersonalised that I couldn't relate to anyone either, but I don't know if that's how you're feeling here and I don't want to presume. And if it is, I can't really explain how I began to be able to relate to people other than just having been struck by one particular fictional character that slowly opened the gates for other forms of relating for me.
It sucks not being able to though, it sucks feeling like you're stuck alone in the world with no one like you. It sucks to feel that hopelessness that comes with it.
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I’ve written way more for weird special interest essays than for school. That said, only my school essays are related to special interests, they’re just rushed.
I write more for my school essays since I'm a big philo nerd irl, this was just a particularly long carepost.
Honestly though, a communist and a philosopher? I never stood a chance at writing a brief post online.
Same, sis.
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I know this isn't my response yet but
I can't help myself I guess.
Yes, I literally look at your story and think that. You, honestly, are a beacon of hope for me that I will be happy with myself one day. I should have said it before now.
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I'm a fucking INSPIRATION OR SOME SHIT
I'm both glad to hear and kinda flattered (again) honestly, I'm just some dork, very
vibes with me, can't believe anyone looks at this autistic nerd as a beacon but AYO HAPPY ABOUT IT 
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You can't believe a new trans would see an elder trans, who has been through some shitty situations and is clearly happy as a beacon? Who is always spreading positivity to everyone? Who has helped them personally through cracking, and provided comfort when they were upset?
You might be even sillier then I am.
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It makes sense when you put it like that, but also
I am but a smol bean with weird taste in books and funny brain! Just a lil
guyweird n kinda scary dyke creature!!!Thank you though, sincerely. I hope to provide more good stuff to people in the mega for many weeks more.