Fanart is by Syurii22.

Toyosatomimi no Miko is a character in the Touhou Project series introduced in its 13th installment, Ten Desires.

Miko was once Prince Shoutoku, a Japanese leader in the 600s known for promoting Buddhism and streamlining the Japanese government. In the Touhou lore, she was visited by Taoist hermit Seiga Kaku, who had heard about Miko’s longing for immortality. Seiga introduced her to Taoism, but she rejected it as a religion unfit for placating an entire country. She was intrigued by its promise of immortality, however, and privately converted to it, advocating for Buddhism to keep Japan stable. After drinking an “immortality elixir” (mercury sulfide), however, she was forced to let go of her body and become a supernatural hermit like Seiga, notably taking on the form of a woman, making her a canonically trans character (lets-fucking-go).

After convincing a hermit from a rival clan (Mononobe no Futo) to sleep without decaying, Miko followed in suit, waiting for a time where a Taoist Japan would revive her in search of guidance. However, Buddhist monks were able to keep her mausoleum sealed, and the legends surrounding her were slowly brushed off- which led to her transportation into Gensokyo, where the folklore of old is a reality of everyday life.

When she awoke in Gensokyo, it was right after Buddhist monk Byakuren Hijiri opened her own temple, however, leading to a surge of divine spirits across the realm, setting up the events of Ten Desires.

What look like headphones on her are canonically earmuffs- Shoutoku was allegedly able to discern between ten questions asked at once, an ability carried by Miko (although with her enhanced abilities, she can also analyze each person and determine their inner desires (thus the title of the game))- although it means her hearing is highly sensitive and has to be muffled to prevent pain.

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As a reminder, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.

Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.

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  • rtstragedy [fae/faer, she/her]
    ·
    2 months ago

    I think that would maybe be beneficial for the both of you, it helps having someone else to bounce feelings and thoughts off so I would go that route, plus wiki is handy for trying to figure things out too c: You're welcome for the link ^^

    yeah that's probably best, will probably meet up with her this week i guess. it's so weird, like her i used to consider myself Very Binary, 100% female, but I guess this stuff can change over time? once the male bits of myself were removed (well, mostly...), and i took years to heal, i'm starting to realize that "woman" feels restricting

    For myself (in regards to wearing skirts) it was just I couldn't find something I was comfortable with or how to fit certain clothes into my wardrobe...

    i really really do not want to spread these contagions, please don't read this if you don't want new anxieties

    i hear you, i've lived in XXXX forever and never had anything bad happen (so I can't relate to "grew up in a rough place") but knowing the spooky mean-word-sayers are out there (and i refuse to think about anything worse than that) keeps me in line, and like you can even split this anxiety into multiple categories:

    1. (1/5 anxiety level) "you're wearing the wrong clothes [for your sex]" - you think decades would be enough to get over this but it's really not, i don't even know where to start with this mountain. when i was early on, a friend told me to remind myself, the first time i ever went to a makeup section with her, that "i belong here." this, unfortunately, needs to be repeated to myself constantly and doesn't make wearing nice things enjoyable, just tolerable.
    2. (3/5 anxiety level) "you're wearing the wrong clothes [for your body]" - like, i didn't grow up reading the style magazines and i feel like everyone around me is too nice to tell me when something is unflattering. (so what if it's unflattering if i like it? i can say these words, i can hear them, but it can't change the emotions, unfortunately, the cop in my head is very strong). on top of that, i don't want to engage with this kind of stuff because of point 3 below.
    3. (4/5 anxiety level) "you're wearing the wrong clothes [for the prevailing fashion trends]" - this is more than just a reddit-inflicted brainworm, but it did get worse from there: if you like clothes, you could go to the r/femalefashionadvice subreddit, which sounds nice at first but after a while the guerilla marketers and well-disguised haters start to take chunks out of your self-esteem (not to mention your wallet, and if you're not extremely careful, the clothes are low-quality too...). i liked skinny jeans, they went great in knee-high boots. i stopped wearing them because of reddit comments (not even directed at me!!)
    4. (1/5 anxiety level) "you're wearing the wrong clothes [for your personality]" - where do i even start with this... i should be allowed to be who i want to be, shouldn't i? but i do worry that at times i act very masculine (thanks mom, although i used to be very angry, and i think she had a point) and i feel like i don't meet the threshold of fem to wear cute clothes. (yes, on some level i realize this is silly, i'm interrogating a protective part atm)
    5. (2/5 anxiety level) "you're wearing the wrong clothes [for your career]" - i dressed up a bit at work a few times (did NOT regret it, i felt so cute and happy), one of my coworkers loudly asked "when's the interview" when i showed up in a very nice earthtone mid-thigh skirt with brown tights (yes, this is my favourite outfit ever) (he was kind of a jerk, but i think it was intended to be a compliment). luckily i work from home now, but i should be on camera sometimes so anything other than jeans and hoodie might alarm people.
    REALLY BIG WARNING HERE, DYSPHORIA, SIZE ISSUES, EXTREME PRIVILEGE
    1. (5/5 anxiety level) "you're too big to wear femme clothes, they won't look good on you" - i'm not even plus size, so this doesn't even make sense in a patriarchal cis-het stereotype way!!! and that shouldn't matter, even if I was!!! i love the aesthetics of people my size, bigger than me, smaller than me (although seeing someone smaller makes me feel "hulking"). i can't wear heels because of this, despite loving them (ok they're kind of uncomfortable, but the look is awesome and i want to wear them). i've seen people way taller than me look awesome in heels!! i know i shouldn't be mad at myself for feeling anything and that i should practice radical self-acceptance but this is beyond the pale. people way larger than me look absolutely gorgeous, why is this causing me so much issue? (the answer is probably something my mom said, she was shocked when i told her my jean size as she seemed to think i was some kind of behemoth who could never fit into "women's" clothes)

    i should just get things i like. i do have things i like, i just can't/don't wear them outside the house (even wearing inside the house is a little tough sometimes because it feels weird to put in effort to stay home). i have this image in my mind of you just effortlessly fashioning it up, and me being tangled up in like my own clothes like they're christmas lights on the floor, lol.

    As for social stuff and getting out well I feel you there I'm autistic and have social anxiety too, I can combat that somewhat but I can get overwhelmed too so I totally understand

    yes, i'm starting to wonder if it's a bit of both for me as well. all of this is wrapped up in masking/people pleasing/fawning/whatever, as well as social anxieties.

    i learned to mask (partly) before i transitioned, so it's unsurprising i haven't been able to conquer these feelings without realizing that there's something deeper going on than just anxiety - i really really didn't know how to present myself in the world, read social cues, or even greet people properly until very late in my development (super loner here, i was the stereotype walking around the edge of the playground at recess, lost in my own world, or tinkering with some gadget), and i think that it not coming "naturally" is part of the puzzle, somehow. and ... maybe some alexithymia too, which might be the reason hearing other people's experiences is really helpful to me. thank you for sharing

    on the plus side, since i started obsessively reading/watching about autism, i've made a ton of progress on myself, the fact i can even externalize these feelings probably wouldn't have been possible otherwise.

    you'll get better if you keep posting which I hope you do, I'm sure others here would be happy to help or just talk y'know.. don't stress too hard about it, it's just a post c:

    cri that is very nice thank you

    please don't feel obligated to respond, i know this is a novel, i think it helps just to get these thoughts out

    • ashinadash [she/her]
      ·
      2 months ago

      i really really do not want to spread these contagions, please don't read this if you don't want new anxieties

      REALLY BIG WARNING HERE, DYSPHORIA, SIZE ISSUES, EXTREME PRIVILEGE

      stupid yapping

      I feel so utterly cleansed reading these and just being like "Yeah, but what if no lol though?" about it. The idea that there are 'wrong clothes' for your size or personality (?!?) or whatever, prevailing fashion trends?! Very goddamn silly to me. There are clothes that flatter certain body types but like, if it looks good on you it looks good, you'll figure it out I'm pretty sure.

      Sorry to hear you deal with these brainworms, but it sounds like you're making good progress on it. Hope it continues to be good for you.

      • rtstragedy [fae/faer, she/her]
        ·
        2 months ago

        I feel so utterly cleansed reading these and just being like "Yeah, but what if no lol though?" about it.

        lol my partner had the exact same reaction, it all feels so ridiculous and contrived when i say it out loud, i want to dump it all in the trash too. hope i can look back on that post and laugh soon!

    • magi [null/void]M
      ·
      2 months ago

      i'm starting to realize that "woman" feels restricting

      This is how I feel about most labels, I don't feel gender no matter what presentation though I like presenting Femme. I don't really get dysphoria or euphoria either. Within me is a void so that's it. I just dress how I feel like or mix and match styles.. I don't associate much with gender for me personally but I know the binary exists because you see the choices everywhere..

      My anxieties are more having to deal with NT people, not really anything gender related. I shut down verbally when overwhelmed or just not interested in talking lol,

      please don't read this if you don't want new anxieties

      I am confident and don't really care what people have to say or think generally I am very strong willed and minded. So don't worry about brainworms for me, I'm quite resilient ^^

      i learned to mask (partly) before i transitioned

      As for masking I never learned and I was ostracised for being autistic and looking queer lol I grew up with no friends, abusive household and constant bullying at school, it shaped me to rise against shit and it gave me my confidence I guess.. so I wear what I want, I wear whatever however I want. I wear makeup how or when i want, I truly have a no fucks given attitude.

      When I found out I was autistic I went on a 3 year research special interest lol but that included a lot of other forms of neurdiversity too. Though I've taught myself quite a bit and because I analyse quite a bit I can read people fairly decently, but I still have blind sides to some NT cues and such, it can be frustrating. I would recommend learning as much as you can because it can clear up some things you probably haven't thought of, it's great to finally understand yourself better even if it takes a while..

      don't feel obligated to respond

      I'll respond because it's a good post c:

      • rtstragedy [fae/faer, she/her]
        ·
        2 months ago

        I don't really get dysphoria or euphoria either. Within me is a void so that's it.

        thank you for sharing, that's cool as hell if you don't mind me saying

        I wear what I want, I wear whatever however I want. I wear makeup how or when i want, I truly have a no fucks given attitude.

        :O i hope you don't mind me making this a transition goal

        When I found out I was autistic I went on a 3 year research special interest lol but that included a lot of other forms of neurdiversity too. Though I've taught myself quite a bit and because I analyse quite a bit I can read people fairly decently, but I still have blind sides to some NT cues and such, it can be frustrating. I would recommend learning as much as you can because it can clear up some things you probably haven't thought of, it's great to finally understand yourself better even if it takes a while..

        yeah i hear you, i'm 2 months in to the reading and it's been really really helpful so far. i'm branching out a bit too just so that i can be a more understanding person in general and because i like understanding people better. it's really starting to hit me that figuring out what's a mask and what's me is going to take a very long time (and also re-contextualizing a lot of memories, which so far has been healing)

        • magi [null/void]M
          ·
          2 months ago

          hank you for sharing, that's cool as hell if you don't mind me saying

          It used to cause me a lot of worry and feeling alienated until I figured out it's just being agender and then that lifted the veil so to speak.

          hope you don't mind

          of course not, feel free

          which so far has been healing

          I found every time something helped me understand myself it was like finally being able to see things clearly and then I was able to work towards accommodating the quirks or things to help me going forward. I learned I had misophonia and a load of other things too.

          Hopefully in time you'll find more things to help heal/help you going forward, it can be a slow process but rewarding to finally have insight into how you experience the world.