her,,, expolde

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  • anonochronomus [comrade/them, she/her]
    ·
    2 months ago

    I completely understand. It may not be worth much coming from a stranger on the internet, but you're valuable just because you're you! You're as important and deserving of happiness as anyone else on this rock in space just because you're here. Deprogramming the toxic nonsense that we internalize in our youth is a process, it's going to take time. Try your best to have fun whenever you can and it will get easier. heart-sickle

    • rainn [they/them, she/her]
      ·
      2 months ago

      My ass is going to therapy just so I can be told I'm valuable and not be a selfhating fuck with myself all the time lmao

      Thank you, means a lot, my gut reaction is that I expect people to be aggressive towards me for no reason in particular, maybe broken defence mechanism idk

      Speaking of fun, I have such weird conceptions about it. I grew up in a very uhh 'stoic' environment where I internalized the idead that fun is for 'weak' people and 'you dont want to be weak do you?' so as a teenager I went on rants about combating hedonism in the world lol. Cant say now I have a better relationship with fun, I still default to "it's not for me, I find other things fun than most" I'm confused about it tbh but oh well

      thanks a lot tho:3

        • rainn [they/them, she/her]
          ·
          2 months ago

          "Intellectual" shit, history philosophy politics economics etc thats when I feel good and I'm enjoying myself tbh; maybe creative writing but I have permanent writers block, I know marxist theory isnt exactly recreational but whatever

          and computers but kinda lost my passion for that prob depression

          • anonochronomus [comrade/them, she/her]
            ·
            2 months ago

            Hmmm, ok. It may help to find a local group that shares those interests. A reading group or something 'puter related. Just to be around people with common interests in a low stakes environment where you can cut loose a little bit and get more comfortable just being yourself.

            • rainn [they/them, she/her]
              ·
              2 months ago

              Ah I'm in a nazi shithole sadly not that many opportunities for that tbf, I dont really know to relax I'm always on edge and have intrusive thoughts about being attacked or etc, my 'relaxing' activities are just more politics. I do enjoy reading fiction but I'm generally compulsive and tend to overdo it

                • rainn [they/them, she/her]
                  ·
                  2 months ago

                  I want to move out eventually, but yea not like other places are that much better. I heard Ireland isnt as fash as the rest of Ewwrope, but still completely destroyed by multinationals and govt is lib. Eventually China would be goals or maybe Cuba but seems unlikely in my case for now. We havent even had pro Palestine protests because no one gives a shit even if we fund isntreal a lot, political situation is dire.

                  • anonochronomus [comrade/them, she/her]
                    ·
                    2 months ago

                    Yeah, I'm in Amerikkka. We're pretty cooked over here. I'm just biding my time waiting for things to boil over and pop off so I can go guerilla.

                    • rainn [they/them, she/her]
                      ·
                      2 months ago

                      Solidarity. Just depressing environment. Can't even touch grass here cause concrete hell made by cheap credit speculators.

      • rtstragedy [fae/faer, she/her]
        ·
        2 months ago

        sorry to jump in here but specifically i'm doing parts therapy and it seems to really be helping with things like this. the theory goes that inside everyone is a system made up of multiple parts (the film Inside Out is about this), and they, due to trauma and probably other things, can get "stuck" as a young age, or get stifled by other parts, etc. This "stuck"-ness leads to all manner of issues with emotional expression etc.

        to resolve it, you basically externalize bits of yourself that are not calm/collected/curious/etc. (which Cool Therapist calls the "core energy"), give them names, and interrogate them. add a touch of radical self-acceptance "it's ok that you're feeling this way" and ask them what it would take to let go of the white-knuckle grip they have on your psyche, basically. It's corny as heck, but ... it actually kinda slaps, ngl. I've made so much progress in a few months with myself in understanding where I was stuck, and why I'm feeling certain ways, and being able to really understand some of the contradictions in myself.

        i hope that you would consider trying some of this, even if it seems cringe at first. good luck!

        • rainn [they/them, she/her]
          ·
          2 months ago

          I have heard of family parts system therapy! That sounds interesting, might give me the impulse to try it, thanks!! I do lock up easily when trying to see wtf I feel