I realize those two things can go hand-in-hand. I genuinely don’t mean to be offensive and am asking in earnest. I personally was born male assigned at birth, feel pretty male but also hate being male. It’s not that I wish I was something else, I just don’t like being male and can’t relate to most “male experiences” besides having a dick. I don’t know anyone who is not cishet irl, so I could definitely use some education in this area
its different for everyone, but for me i had grown content being a guy but when i started opening up to the possibility that i could be fem, there was this indescribable euphoria that made me hopeful for my future in a way i had never felt in my life. it was then i realized my entire life before then i was forcing myself to fill a role i wasnt meant to fill. after that, i felt much more confident and able to discover who i am.
transitioning was a very uncomfortable prospect for me, though less so than wearing a man-suit any longer.
it only became easier/comfortable once I'd begun the process of untangling all the cisnormative bullshit id learned, beyond just "I know I'm definitely not a man" as a jumping-off point
My dysphoria was so complete and fuzzy I didn't really figure out I was trans until well into my 20s. I didn't "like" being a guy and would often fantasize about what if I'd been born a girl and I did a lot of drag, I knew the process transwomen were expected to go through from a young age because I looked up what transition was, etc etc. I browsed subreddits like egg_irl for years. But I made do with being a guy.
I didn't look in mirrors ever, I avoided looking at myself - this is only something I really figured out after transitioning and hrt and laser and stuff. I wouldn't have said I didn't like having a male body, I didn't think of it that way. I didn't really relate to guys and most of my friends in high school and college were girls.
Even with all that, I didn't crack my egg until like 4 years ago - and then it was like all that latent dysphoria just rushed up and I had to deal with it. Then I hated having a dude body and started the regular slow process a lot of trans people do of, like, "okay I'll just crossdress at home" -> "okay I'll just wear femme clothes out sometimes and Ill do my makeup every day" -> "okay I'll change my name and socially transition" -> "well, fine, I guess hrt will be good even though I'm happy with boy chest and Ill start voice training seriously" -> "okay sure, I'll do a little surgery to grind off my adams apple and do electrolysis" -> "fine I'll get on a wait list for bottom surgery" (not saying this is how every transition goes or whatever just that it's how mine went and the general pace seems like a common experience)
If you don't like being a guy right now, you can totally experiment and see what makes you happy!
I'm vastly more comfortable presenting femme, and it it took me a while to come to terms with that. I was very aware of the whole deal from a young age, but always managed to talk myself out of it over the years. Holding me back was some combination of striver liberalism (not wanting to alienate coworkers/bosses) and internalized misogyny, both of which I feel like I've taken concrete steps to purge.
Looking back at it, for me, I don't think I really could've transitioned any earlier (in this society).
cw: suicidal ideation
I'm almost certain I would've killed myself if I had transitioned any younger, I didn't have much resilience and it was a major thought during my initial egg cracking - "am I gonna do this or am I gonna kill myself because I can't go back to pretending I'm not trans." I think if I had been one of those kids that transitioned at like 12 I wouldn't have made it through middle school between all the crap I was already dealing with at home and my family and what the schools I was going to were like.
So I don't know if I was "holding myself back" or if I just needed to develop the strength and resilience I needed in this cursed society. Dunno if it's the same for you, but I did spend a lot of time over the last few years regretting not doing it sooner and I've only recently started to be easier on myself about it lately.
Honestly same, it really took getting to a point in my life where I had some stability (social supports, etc) and could afford to be introspective without having to worry about dealing with social fallout on top of everything else - I didn't start until wayyyy after college because even that was in a very conservative place.
I do regret not doing it sooner as well, but it just wasn't in the cards materially. Regardless I still look hotter than I've ever been so
that's been helping
For me personally it was just total disgust with my body and identity. Being in my skin felt wrong, being told to man up felt like an impossible task, and every day felt like I was putting on an act to try to conform to this image of what I was supposed to be that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with. I guess you can say I hated being a man, but I also felt an incredibly strong sense of envy towards women/the feminine form and spent many nights as a kid falling asleep hoping that if I wished hard enough I'd wake up and be a girl. I know it sounds absolutely ridiculous, but it was an inexplicable, inescapable source of misery and I just desperately hoped for some way out.
When I finally got a bit older and found myself desiring to transition, it was not at all a comfortable prospect. Even though I had already experimented with women's clothing and makeup all throughout my childhood, the idea of actually turning my whole world upside down socially was really intimidating. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do, but it was all so worth it in the end. Sorry if that answer was a bit excessive for your question, I figured it was mostly pertinent
I definitely hated the societal expectation of presenting and acting "like a man". Even before I knew about the concept of being trans, I always wanted to try conventionally "girly" things and I was also kind of ostracized for being a "soft" boy.
I consider myself mostly transfem but I do identify a bit with being a femboy.
To say I hated being a guy is an understatement. I didn't know if I'd be comfortable if I transitioned, what I did know is that something had to change and I had already tried a litany of medications to no avail, it was basically my last ditch effort to stay alive. Of course, I knew deep down I was trans in a dozen different ways, I just handwaved those things away to avoid upending my life and making myself a target (spoiler: I was already a target, I swear the psycho bullies of my youth had a better trans/gaydar than I do).
