Xenia, the fox girl mascot of Linux, was first designed in 1996 by Alan Mackey. She was meant to be an alternative to Tux, the official mascot.
She had fallen into obscurity, but was noticed by a Twitter user in 2019 and was redrawn as a fox girl. But as it turned out, Xenia was originally meant to be male! The original creator, Alan, was cool with this, saying "It matches the transition of a lot of the smartest, nerdiest Linux users I know" and "And sure, you made her trans!".
So now we have a trans Linux mascot. And I think that's neat.
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CW: autogynephilia and dysphoria
I am no professional, however, the research is stupid, and has been haunting people for a while now. You are trans. It is perfectly normal to want to like your own body.
This kind of research conveniently assumes that everyone is hetero, and that the only way to be trans is to be hetero and realize early on, otherwise it's just a fetish. This is bad thinking, it's very brainwormed thinking. Do not fall for this stuff, it is meant to be anti-queer. It pushes the message that trans people are okay, as long as they transition young, pass, and marry a man so that they look normal and it never has to be thought of again.
If you are questions whether or not you have dysphoria, read this, it might help you better understand what's going on and what you want for yourself. Also, dysphoria is not a requirement for being trans.
I definitely relate to you involving school. I functioned "fine" but thinking worsened my depression. I went through school on autopilot, distracting myself from the thoughts in my head. Based on your description, it sounds like you are going through something similar to what I went through, robotic depression and all. Also, the especially adults part hits really hard, and gender issues actually can cause not being able to be close with anyone. I had friends, but I have never had a close friendship, at least for a very long time. This could be gender issues, depression, a combination of both, really.
Also, you are already a girl. Based on why you think you aren't, you are experiencing dysphoria. It also sounds like you have a lot of brainworms (thoughts picked up our horribly anti-trans society), and while I have not said much (as I am new to this myself, I'm only 6 months in, our eggs probably cracked around the same time!), there are plenty of others here who would probably be able to help you much better than I, especially when it comes to removing those brainworms.
So glad you are here, this is probably one of the best trans spaces on the internet
(we also have a lot of fun emojis).
honestly it's still wild to me just how many trans women on hexbear had their egg crack after mine. Like, mine went eight months ago. I got to still count as the new girl here, right?
I legitimately think "AGP" is just finally having confidence and loving yourself. And some weirdos feel the urge to pathologize that because they've never been happy.
Also Ray Blanchard gives off the grossest chaser vibes ever, have you read how this horny fuck writes about straight trans women? If you haven't, don't, it's the fucking worst fetishizing drivel. It's blatantly obvious that the entire junk science he makes up about trans womens' sexuality is rooted entirely in who he can creep on.
There's an urge to pathologize by transmisogynistic hegemony because pathologization is a way to create institutional credibility for pseudoscientific ideas.