My last crushpost got a little weird. They usually don’t get much attention, and what little there is I think is usually men. So this thread should be a good opportunity for women and enbies to bring up what you find problematic.
Update:
Thanks everyone for responding. I have read all the replies and am giving them serious consideration. I will stop crushposting, I deleted all the posts, and deleted the meat of this post as well. Weird or not, however obfuscated, it’s still an obsession and a privacy concern.
Can someone explain to me why directly asking is bad? I feel like directly asking if someone's a lesbian and then respecting the answer is a lot less creepy than trying to deduce it.
not saying this is right, but if you ask outright it can seem like you're sniffing around the Human Relationship solely to sus out romantic compatibility? that said idt it's wrong if like, the subject of yalls dating life came up anyway, u know some kind of organic segue comes up. and there's also nothing "wrong" with the direct ask either it just might be frowned upon in neurotypical land.
I mean generally if you stay friends with them and aren't creepy even if they say no then there's no issue I can think of that makes sense. Most of the issues probably come from people who ask about romantic compatibility and just drop people after getting a no which probably hurts a lot if the person being asked wanted to be friends
Yeah mostly agreed, but unspoken social rules can be devious little punks sometimes
yeah my understanding is this is kind of pervasive within opposite gender friendships and sucks majorly, definitely a dudes being raised to be Not Normal or Decent about womxn type of thing :(
Hmm... TBH, I don't really know how to explain it. Like I said I know the feeling. Maybe its like a social anxiety thing or being ND.
And I'm not suggesting that he try and deduce it. It was more of a suggestion of how to make it a bit more comfortable way to bring it up and eventually ask.
I get social anxiety but I honestly feel that's the conditioning that's been beaten into us as neurodivergent people to get us to not do what comes naturally. Because we've all been blunt and direct and had people shit on us for it. But the truth is that it's better 99% of the time to be blunt and direct anyways and that neurotypical people suck at communicating.
Yeah. In my life I've definitely had people kind of beat the whole "think before you speak" type stuff into me. Conditioning is definitely a large part of it.
I think the 1% of the time thinking before you speak is necessary is probably when people are in mourning and that's about it. Oh and ensuring you aren't using slurs
A man asking a women if they're a lesbian is usually not going to be a fun conversation for the woman
For me that's mostly because of the men who react to "i'm a lesbian" with "rly tho?"
Yeah this is the impression I got from how this kind of thing usually goes. At least for me I'd rather have someone ask directly and then not be weird about it then circle around trying to Sherlock Holmes my sexuality.
I don't think this is about making sure the women are comfortable tbh. it seems more like it's about the posters in question not having to risk making it obvious that they're interested romantically in someone who might not be interested in them.