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bottom surgery consult, sex discussion.
Consult went well, and I feel emotionally drained after how focused I was. Oof. Going to get cozy and rock climb after. I really like the surgeon’s work, he seems sweet. Surgeons are always such strange folks to interact with, lmao.
I think I will go with this doctor, but I need to put in a lot of thought about whether I want to go with minimal depth or piv. I’m personally not at all interested in receptive sex, and asexual. The idea of lifelong dilation also sounds very difficult for me personally. Going to have a long discussion with my therapist about it tomorrow, as I feel very conflicted about it. What if I change my mind, what if a future partner has an issue with my anatomy?
Any advice on your own experiences, trans comrades?
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Surgeons are terrible, not a fan. Completely understand being drained but rock climbing sounds fun.
fuck 'em. (sorry I had to) But imo, if you don't want to receive that's for them to deal with. And if they can't
hopefully you'd both find someone more compatible. imo, you shouldn't make decisions on what a future hypothetical partner might want to do. I'm going to get a vasectomy or orchi at some point because I never want to have kids. Some future hypothetical partner can figure that out or we can find other people. If that's even an issue. Go with what you want.
I wish I had advice to give, but I can only say that the "I'm indecisive because ace and dislike receptive sex" is literally me. I can say I don't think you should worry about future partners' thoughts 'cause fuck that, if someone has a problem with your anatomy, ditch em.
good advice, thank you!
Definitely a good thing to wrestle with is what I want, not worrying about what others will think of it. Still got general trans brainworms about that.
Many such cases
but yeah I wouldn't fuck around with anyone who has anatomical preferences that strict anyway, even if they were cool otherwise fuck altering your body for anyone else.
continuing discussion
Thank you for being awesome, comrade. Yeah I am leaning toward minimal depth but there is a negging “what if you change your mind” in there.
same
I heard from someone here you can get depth added later if you want which surprised me, would be cool.
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Yeah! They can add depth later with a sigmoid colon procedure. Talking with a transmasculine friend of mine, he says depth might be a consideration if you masturbate, which I do, maybe a few times a week. Many folks with vaginas like vibrators, he says. I hate them on my current anatomy though, but is difficult as I cannot know!
stop saying things I could have written!!
Yeah I assume vaginal vibrator/dildo use is cooler than anal, but Idk how much better. There are a lotta people who forego insertion despite having a vag and just use the clit for pleasure instead, fwiw.
When u cannot know
sex discussion, lol lot of that in the mega this week
I don’t even really like anal, tbh
I did a lot of that exploration in the past, and it is not for me.
From the trans side too, anatomical preferences are a weird kind of brainworm. I’m a kid who doesn’t know anything yet but, yeah.
It legitimately did not occur to me that people under 18 use bearsite
anyway uh
anatomical preferences
My instinct was to be contrarian and devil's-advocate for it, because it's not inherently a bad thing, though I've also never really understood it either. If you really like sticking your bits in someone, or really like people sticking things in you, I'm pretty sure that's doable with almost any configuration.
That's a crass, coarse view of it and there are more specific fine grained reasons too - like Idk, maybe you are a t4t transfem and just feel more comfortable with peepnis, why not I guess? Stuff like that, personal history and comfort and whatnot.
It's a combination of being ace and hugely autistic I guess, but my partner's sexual anatomy has never ever mattered to me. If I like someone, I can work with whatever they've got, not a problem. Hands are versatile. Allos be allo-ing though.
Lemmygrad recently had a minor internal discussion about its minimum age. I believe it's legally 13 in the US due to COPPA, just like Reddit. I haven't seen a bunch of kids here like on there, but it's probably safer here for actual children (if you don't mind the trans Marxist indoctrination /rj) than a lot of the Internet to be honest.
That said, I wonder if the feelings of being "new to adulthood" that some young adults already have are compounded on top of not actually having gone through the correct puberty for other young adult baby trans people
That's what I figured, 13. And yeah actually kids getting on here might not inherently be a bad thing? Me trans-marxistly indoctrinating the kids.
Yeah, I wonder too. I sometimes don't really feel like a full adult myself (mostly executive function and puberty related) and I'm mid 20s. Shouts to our young adult baby transes.
Just checked and the Hexbear TOS says 13 as well
I think I was on Reddit pre-legal… Yeah, it’s a lot better here. I don’t want to “grow up” in the form of meeting societal standards of being a “productive member of society”/good neoliberal subject (a bit of an ADHD thing unfortunately), but I do want to know myself as soon as possible, and I think I’m doing well enough.
I went on reddit as a kid too, fucked me up honestly. Brainrot zone.
I’ve hinted at it a couple times after my explicit avowal a while ago was removed. I know a few lemmygradders of similar age. Not sure about the bearsite (I’m a GZD refugee, relatively new here). I’m sure you can forgive my ignorance a bit easier lol.
It might be OCD or something, but I feel like I have projected way more dysphoria on others than I have had for myself. Sexual orientation wise, I’m pan, and knew once what it was like to be horny, but also people are gross (lil rationally (?) germaphobic), and I’m inexperienced and confused, and my first relationship was complicated by what I already mentioned, which was all in my head. Idk what to expect from cis(ish) lesbians and barely transitioning/peepni.
I guess "Gen Zedong", Gen z.... Where the cool kids hang out...
Dare I ask how projecting dysphoria onto others works?
You should read Gender Outlaw though it's cool, ngl.
Yeah, before I was a committed revolutionary (hj - motivation and anxiety allowing), the shitposts drew me in.
idiosyncratic brainworms
Of course :3 Despite knowing I look great when I look in the mirror, when I go out and look at girls I’m like “damn 0: they really look like that? [thin waist, small hands, you name it] I suppose it’s kind of normal, but I think it’s weirder with men (my language is deliberate, people my age are pretty, adults - but mostly men - disturb me). I see their giant shoulders, (particularly in relation to totally lacking asses) and hair, and bad fashion, and I’m like “wow would it suck to look like them. How do they wake up and choose it?” It used to physically hurt me, but I’ve gotten used to it, and it doesn’t so much anymore. To be clear, some dudes look fine, and occasionally I actually find them attractive or have a weird automatic crush, but yeah. To me it sounds like a normal teen thing - to notice how people look post puberty for the first time - but my particular case probably isn’t?
I have a long list, but I don’t really go by it, so assuming my mind doesn’t change - which it very frequently does - I may read it soon bc it’s been high priority for a few days. <3
Imagine being a committed revolutionary instead of being too anxious to go outside :^)
lfg
Ohhhhh, okay that's not all that weird actually. Maybe ever so slightly judgemental? But I also can't comprehend how anyone likes being a man. Thing is, I don't have to, and just dw about it. People like being how they be and that's that. Glad it doesn't hurt you anymore though, that sucks. Also yeah, I find myself physically "people-watching" all the time, partly as a brainworm antidote - I find observing average, realistic human bodies helpful ig. I can fret over hip width and arm length or whatever, but like, women outside who are probably cis often match my measurements. It Is Fine.
Banger, post here if/when you do read it!
saving space idk
That’s the “one” thing about all the anxieties I found I didn’t have on my recent mental health journey/hyperfixation. I’m anxious, but I’ll walk aimlessly or do whatever if the impulses are right, and assume I’ll be fine eventually. I do a lot of shit that would worry a neurotypical.
I suppose it’s an extra background stimulus while I think and do multiple other things. That’s probably the best way to go about it. I rarely do, but I guess rather than simply looking for beauty in everyone and not liking when I don’t find it (lmao), I could just recognize more that perfection isn’t real, and if people can live with themselves (although some probably have self hate) that’s ok and I should just be happy I look better than them (real narcissist hours, lol). It’s probably not best to dwell on one’s own subjective superiority, but…
I’m also always figuring out how I can be better, trying not lean into dissatisfaction either. It’s ok, it’s a dialectic.
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Yeah almost everyone has something about them they don't like, perfection is a concept sold as normative beauty standards so that people keep buying into beauty products and processes. I never really got the "at least I look better than them" thought, I kind of hate punching-down thought like that. Not a competition, really.
Honestly my biggest takeaway from people-watching is that dimorphism in humans is not that pronounced and you could very feasibly shoot estrogen into a lot of guys and get good results
Fair enough, I’m kind of on the positive end of insanity right now and I couldn’t stop admiring my looks last night, so… Societal standards of “perfection” are stupid. Meanwhile, by my own standards I’m like 90% perfect, just working out the kinks, can always get better. Intellectually I don’t really believe in my superiority, but it’s an interesting thing to get over. Especially, when my ego isn’t fragile like many “big” ones. If I can’t do something, that’s really fine with me, but if I care to try I’ll try. I’m trying to learn metta. I know psychedelics are supposed to help kill your ego, but I feel like I just had all my realizations for now in my natural high.
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
What really matters here is what kind of body you want to live in and what you plan on doing with your parts. Anything else is secondary at best.
GOOD post. Thank you!
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glad it went well! definitely get what you mean about surgeons being odd to talk to. it's a unique relationship to say the least
a lot of what you said is very personal, so I don't want to weigh in too much, but I'll say that any partner that doesn't accept your body is not worth the consideration (especially with something as personal as this)
bottom surgery discussion, dysphoria
Thank you comrade, mostly wrestling with my own
here, as I don’t really give a shit about what they think, just wondering if I might change my mind in the future. Really I want this dick gone more than anything.
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oh I definitely get the brainworms lol. knowing you absolutely want a vagina is good progress already on the what ifs. it probably shouldn't be relied on too much, but there is the possibility for a revision if you want full depth down the line. I'm not sure if that helps to hear? also, if you get full depth and realize you don't want it, you can let it close. both of those should probably just be worst case scenario options, but they exist. I can personally vouch for letting the canal close too.
anyway, this is an exciting first step! have fun rock climbing
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Is there any complication if you let the canal close? No worries if this is a dysphoria inducing question for you.
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personally, my surgeon said there's no issue with letting it close on its own and he even checked to make sure things were okay earlier this year. I'll be there again in two months for the phallo consult, so I'll ask him to check again, but he's been quite confident that it's fine
Thank you for letting me know, I really appreciate it.
of course!
I'll spoiler my replies sorry
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As a fellow acespec I've thought about bottom surgery for most of my life, I'd say go with what feels best for you. I think you can get some depth and such adjusted if you were to decide and change your mind later depending on the surgeon. Hopefully with some more discussion with your therapist and sitting with it more you'll come to a conclusion you'll be satisfied with, I wish you the best.
Thank you, my friend! Being, ace, autistic and transgender doth make for difficult decisions, lmao
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Aye I still would consider a possible partner and such, but over all it's your body and your comfort and happiness too so in this case being a little selfish isn't a bad thing (thinking of your self). And a good partner well they would want you to be comfortable and happy too so y'know.. go with what you want most of all.
Goooood advice! Thank you.
You're welcome