Xenia, the fox girl mascot of Linux, was first designed in 1996 by Alan Mackey. She was meant to be an alternative to Tux, the official mascot.
She had fallen into obscurity, but was noticed by a Twitter user in 2019 and was redrawn as a fox girl. But as it turned out, Xenia was originally meant to be male! The original creator, Alan, was cool with this, saying "It matches the transition of a lot of the smartest, nerdiest Linux users I know" and "And sure, you made her trans!".
So now we have a trans Linux mascot. And I think that's neat.
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Hi, I'm new here
CW: dysphoria, transmedicalism, sad, transphobia
:(
I want to be a woman, but I'm not. It's been like four years of wanting to be a girl, but my egg only really cracked this June. Before my egg cracked, my concept of gender identity was that I wasn't really a boy, and I wanted to be a girl, but obviously I was totally cis because even though I knew about the existence of trans people, I couldn't possibly be one of them, after all, trans people know that they are trans at the age of four and are conviced that they are the other gender. I don't know what I was thinking.
Last year someone in my ap computer science class came out as trans, our teacher told us that the student wanted to tell us something, and people were like "did [deadname] die?" and the teacher said that the student wanted to go by a different name and pronouns. Then someone goes said that he wouldn't use she/her pronouns to refer to someone who doesn't look like a girl. At least some people were respectful, though. The point is, I can't trust the people around me to not be bigoted, although most of the people in that class, have graduated. The trans student was very cool though, she was one of the only students who took the class seriously (I think there might be something in the computers turning people trans!) and was probably a gamer. Too bad she also graduated. I'm not a gamer and I don't have anything interesting about myself. I kind of looked up to her, even though I didn't identify as trans.
My whole life has been a lie of pretending to be someone that I'm not. I'm a minor, and I live with my parents in the wonderful state of Florida, where woke goes to die. I have reason to believe that my parents are transphobic. My family is Catholic. I am not, but they don't know that. I have been pretending for years. I don't say anything about how I feel about my gender.
I am growing more body hair every day. It's awful, and I don't think I've ever had this much. As much as I would like to do something about it, I am scared of what other people would say. I don't even know how to remove it without accidentally hurting myself.
I feel like a robot. I do the same stuff every day, and by that I mean that I don't do anything. I just do my schoolwork, and school gets repetitive. It distracts me from thinking. But guess what, when I do think, I just think about how I want to be a girl, and then I get sad. But I don't actually get sad, since I don't feel my emotions very deeply.
Read at your own risk CW: autogynephilia
I think I might have that? But also maybe not? I mean, it can be arousing to imagine myself as a woman? But also I can think of myself as a woman and not be aroused? Autogynephilia has been one of those things that makes me question if I'm really trans. Most research on trans women does make a distinction between two types of trans people, those who find out early and are attracted to men, and those who find out later and are attracted to women, and sometimes have autogynephilia. Yes, I know that this research is stupid. That doesn't help. I still think about it. Also, I'm not really sure if I meet the criteria for gender dysphoria from a transmed perspective. Wikipedia shows the dsm description, but it says that it has to cause clinically significant distress or an impairment in functioning. The thing is, I do well in school, and to most people, especially adults, I appear well functioning. But I don't know, I don't have many friends and no one that I am close to, but I don't think that gender issues are what is causing this?
If you made it this far, I'm sorry for putting you through all of this. I'm okay, even if it sounds like I'm not.
Lmao, did I write this 7 months ago?
idk if this makes you feel any better but your emotions are extremely common in what a lot of very fresh trans women go through. A lot of what you wrote did pretty closely match my emotional state back when I realized like... eight months ago now. What you're going through now, many many trans women before you have also gone through. It's kind of just the learning curve you go through
I won't go into the details of AGP and dysphoria because other commenters have already said everything there I would have said, but I will repeat that especially for someone early, early into your transition like you are, it's very common to say "oh I'm not dysphoric" and to have that pretty quickly change once you realize that no, you have a lot of dysphoria, but it's like water to a fish to you and you've never been able to notice without the proper words to describe them
As far as your family and your current state of residence? Yeah, that's going to be some big obstacles in your transition, but I'd highly recommend staying with us here on Hexbear to get you through it. An internet community like this is going to be a lifeline in the dark
other people have gone into enough detail already but just chiming in to say AGP isn't real, it's just a way of pathologising trans women experiencing female sexuality in the same way the vast majority of cis women do. try not to be ashamed of those feelings. Blanchard is a hack fraud and all of his work on this is made up transphobic bullshit designed to hurt you and keep you in the closet. thinking it's a secret other thing than just being trans is a pitfall you should try to pull your thoughts out of. also you don't need to experience dysphoria to be trans, you can just be trans. for what it's worth it sounds like you do experience it though and are just trying to invalidate yourself probably out of fear. i know it's scary but my 2c is that it clearly sounds like you should transition.
agp debunking
93% of cissexual women are AGP. It's just a meme created to kill trans women. Sorry you're dealing with this. It seems pretty obvious to me that you need to transition for what it's worth.
holy shit, how have I never heard of this? this is fascinating!
cw: autogynephilia dysphoria
Autogynephia isn’t real. There’s no actual evidence that the attracted to men/not attracted to men dichotomy isn’t entirely arbitrary and the whole theory doesn’t even make sense in the first place. Julia Serano has a very thorough take down of it but you need to know that it has been widely discredited even by the medical establishment for a while now and that it isn’t just “stupid” it’s fake. It’s literally just the same old parhologization of women’s sexuality that’s been going on for centuries but applied to trans women and blanchard was only able to briefly gain recognition because of how marginalized we are.
As for dysphoria, I’m sure people will tell you (correctly) that you don’t need to have dysphoria to be trans, but even ignoring that I don’t think dysphporia is a usefull way to think about being trans; dysphoria can manifest as many different things and can be hard to recognize, either because it’s something you haven’t considered, because it’s too subtle, or because, like a fish in water, it’s so omni present that you don’t even notice it. It’s very common for trans people to only realize that something was dysphoria after transitioning or to realize they had more dysphoria than they thought.
Instead of thinking in terms of dysphoria, think about what you want. Do you want to be a girl? If so, you’re trans. That’s all there is to it.
and
Very much so for me. I would have not considered a lot of what I experienced dysphoria, or could not quite pin the feelings. After transitioning, I realized I had more dysphoria than I thought simply due to the fact that I was able to identify and put a name to it.
CW: autogynephilia and dysphoria
I am no professional, however, the research is stupid, and has been haunting people for a while now. You are trans. It is perfectly normal to want to like your own body.
This kind of research conveniently assumes that everyone is hetero, and that the only way to be trans is to be hetero and realize early on, otherwise it's just a fetish. This is bad thinking, it's very brainwormed thinking. Do not fall for this stuff, it is meant to be anti-queer. It pushes the message that trans people are okay, as long as they transition young, pass, and marry a man so that they look normal and it never has to be thought of again.
If you are questions whether or not you have dysphoria, read this, it might help you better understand what's going on and what you want for yourself. Also, dysphoria is not a requirement for being trans.
I definitely relate to you involving school. I functioned "fine" but thinking worsened my depression. I went through school on autopilot, distracting myself from the thoughts in my head. Based on your description, it sounds like you are going through something similar to what I went through, robotic depression and all. Also, the especially adults part hits really hard, and gender issues actually can cause not being able to be close with anyone. I had friends, but I have never had a close friendship, at least for a very long time. This could be gender issues, depression, a combination of both, really.
Also, you are already a girl. Based on why you think you aren't, you are experiencing dysphoria. It also sounds like you have a lot of brainworms (thoughts picked up our horribly anti-trans society), and while I have not said much (as I am new to this myself, I'm only 6 months in, our eggs probably cracked around the same time!), there are plenty of others here who would probably be able to help you much better than I, especially when it comes to removing those brainworms.
So glad you are here, this is probably one of the best trans spaces on the internet
(we also have a lot of fun emojis).
honestly it's still wild to me just how many trans women on hexbear had their egg crack after mine. Like, mine went eight months ago. I got to still count as the new girl here, right?
I legitimately think "AGP" is just finally having confidence and loving yourself. And some weirdos feel the urge to pathologize that because they've never been happy.
Also Ray Blanchard gives off the grossest chaser vibes ever, have you read how this horny fuck writes about straight trans women? If you haven't, don't, it's the fucking worst fetishizing drivel. It's blatantly obvious that the entire junk science he makes up about trans womens' sexuality is rooted entirely in who he can creep on.
There's an urge to pathologize by transmisogynistic hegemony because pathologization is a way to create institutional credibility for pseudoscientific ideas.