I'm not great at interpersonal skills but "you're cruel" as a follow-up to a FB message you just didn't reply to throws off all kinds of red flags for me. Real woe-is-me I am the victim shit.
:this:
What kind of person does that? Really not professional, huge red flag.
This morning she wrote on another message “you’re cruel”
and this is an adult? lmao
My initial thought is give her a chance, you've obviously matured since you last saw her, maybe she has too. But responding "you're cruel" to an ignored Facebook message is some highschool tier shit so I kinda doubt it.
I mean if the original message was an olive branch then it was kind of cruel to merely ignore it. Not egregiously so, or anything, but it sounds like she feels guilty for 8 years ago.
There needs to be more honesty in the world. If she approaches you, just say "you ghosted me. We don't seem like we would get along, so I will not pretend to be your friend. I can be friend-ly"
Jesus who cares? Just be professional with her who cares that she ghosted you? Like why does that matter at all?
Her getting a job at your school is not about you. You don't have to do shit, just be work polite and keep it moving.
You're not the same person you were 8 years ago, she probably isn't either. Clean slate, be professional, no grudges that's kid shit.
He can't control whether she cares or not, though I will point out OP didn't tell us what was in the original message he ignored.
I agree, escalating the response to an accusation after just a greeting being ignored on FB messenger does suggest she's being a bit dramatic.
Jesus who cares? Like why does that matter at all?
She cares. Now they have to work together and she may or may not get over it.
It sounds like OP has institutional power and is ignoring communication from a new hire out of personal spite. That is all that we can tell that she cares about, and I would care about that too.
Since when do people have a responsibility to talk to their co-workers on Facebook? Especially ones that have ghosted you in the past?
The only reason institutions seem to be involved is because the New Hire chose to make it so.
this isn't really advice for your specific social situation (sorry, the person seems like a douche), but i have to say this:
the minor amount of awkwardness i have had to endure and confront by deleting / not having facebook, instagram, etc over the last years is a grain of sand compared the endless, shifting desert of absolute bullshit i used to navigate with respect to keeping work/public/private networks curated and managed.
when you make it push-button easy for people to communicate with you, you also make it push-button easy for anyone to insert themselves into your life at any moment and monitor you.
while my work number/voice mail is in the public directory, only some colleagues/professional contacts have my cell phone. people are much more respectful in using SMS than social media. and nobody does weird dramatic shit over work email.
That's actually very good advice. Honestly I only keep fb open for messenger, and it's more laziness than anything keeping me from fully deleting it.
Guys I want to thank you all for letting me vent and get free therapy for my bullshit. I feel better just releasing the crap. I'll probably pretend that I didn't see the fb message, and I'll act nice in work (because it's fucking work). If you don't mind, I'm going to delete the post, because it's a slight dox risk.
If anyone's really keen, I can give an update after the fact. But I don't think it's interesting enough.
@Phillipkdink @milamber @eduardog3000 @Hoodoo @Ithorian @ennuid @nat_turner_overdrive @ItGoesItGoes @Sasuke @ElGosso @northeastmoose @Dirtbag @Shrek @PootrKrobuttkin @steve5487 @OldSoulHippie @came_apart_at_Kmart @princeofsin @MemesAreTheory @69fart69 @Dingdangdog @Mrtryfe @420clownpeen @viva_la_juche @Kappapillar @Skoubalon @Kappapillar @CoconutOctopus
No need to thank me fam. Thats what we do for each other and i'm glad/happy you are feeling better.
Think nothing of it. Hope you can avoid unnecessary workplace drama
You guys' relationships/interactions are and need to be strictly professional now. Tell her something to that effect maybe? If there were any personal grudges in the past, they're dead now. Keeping personal and private life in the same space is nasty business, esp when there seems to be bad blood. Create polite but firm boundaries. Being an adult, something something.
Good luck my guy.Just start over? Eight years is a long time - not every friendship lasts anyway.
You don't have to be friends, but you do have to be polite and workplace cordial. I have no idea what the Facebook etiquette is. If you're connected to other cow-orkers on FB, you may have to allow this one, too. Don't hold a grudge, but don't feel obligated to be more connected to them than any random cow-orker.
This morning she wrote on another message “you’re cruel”. I have some institutional power at my job. Obviously I wouldn’t try to hurt her. But her reaching out now sounds disingenuous.
edit: see below, I read this wrong
Either way, you need to talk to them without getting mad or whatever. There's obviously something wrong, might be able to settle the beef but if not at least it'll be in the open.
Ops assuming that she knows she fucked up back in 2013 and is trying to cover her ass by reaching out to him now and bc of that he doubts the authenticity of her trying to make amends.
I don’t think he was trying to flex his rank as much as explain why he feels like she’s being fake. I mean she waited until she was in a position under him at work to apologize, she didn’t reach out randomly a year ago or whatever
But yea they work together now, I think he should try to manage the professional side of their relationship now without letting the personal stuff leak into it. Freaking out on her about some shit 8 years ago won’t be a great look lol
Nah definitely I mean straight off while first reading it, it did kind of “hit the ear weird.” But after reading the context right after i understood what you meant.
Good luck navigating it. All I can say is id be cordial but leave it at that.
My bad, yeah I read that weird then. Still, you need to talk fwiw, even if it sucks.
why bother mentioning your power at all
Because her coming out of nowhere is not a random friendly gesture. Anyhow, sorry that it didn't come out well in text, but the emphasis should be on some, as in little.
it's only ignoring you if you tried to contact them in that time
I’m actually enjoying not giving a fuck about people who dislike me for stupid reasons, because holy fuck so many friends ditch me for shit reasons.
I had a friend who is American Dominican stop talking to me because I said poverty is not a choice. And nothing of value was lost.
